How about humor...dirty humor of course!
We all need a laugh now and then. Let's have a place to come and get a quick pick me up with the dirty jokes you know we all recieve all day and of course LOVE receiving. =) Bring on the laughs (and tighten those abs with laughter)!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Survillas on -
HaHa!! Love it!
Marilen Moore said:A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
Below is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to.......
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Permalink Reply by Marilen Moore on -
A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those
Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'
'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To
Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
'I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache..'
It Worked! The headaches are all gone.'
The husband replies, 'Well, that is wonderful.'
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball
Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the
Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He Puts her on The bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' He
goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps
into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!'
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.' He goes
Back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than
The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' With
That, He goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
'She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife...'
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
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Permalink Reply by Nicole "The Card Eagle" Bandes on -
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said
'I want to be a movie star.' Tall, handsome and with experience on
Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, 'What's your name?'
The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.'
The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into
Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.'
'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old,
I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.'
The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will
NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm
telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to
represent you.'
'So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and
he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is
awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter
enclosed...
'Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an
actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined
to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would
never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I
left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were
right. I had to change my name. I had too mu ch pride to return to your
office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it
without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my
appreciation.
Thank you for your advice..
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
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Permalink Reply by Working-mom-of-2 on -
LOLOLOL - very very funny
Lisa Survillas said:Ok...not dirty, but funny!!
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
'Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types
of bras to choose.'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the
Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple... '
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters
used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood
for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
Send this to all that will appreciate it!
They forgot the German bra Holtzemfromfloppen
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Permalink Reply by Working-mom-of-2 on
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A midget visits his doctor.
So what can I do for you sir ?, the doctors asks. Doctor, the midget says, to put it bluntly, my balls hurt like hell. It is so bad, I am paralized.
Alright, then please lie down and I will have a look, the doctor says. He checks the midget's balls and can't find anything irregular. "Are they hurting now ? he asks.
mmh, right now they are o.k. They only hurt when it's raining. Well, today the sun is shining so the doctor tells him to come back when it's raining.
2 days later the midget returns, crying with pain. He can't stand it anymore and is barely able to walk in the treatment room.
Ok, lie down the doctor says and he checks and works around and after 10 minutes he tells the midget to get up.
The guy gets up and ..... slowly walks around the room.... no pain..... no balls hurting.
He looks outside - the rain is pouring down. He jumps up and down..... everything o.k.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT he says - I AM SOOOO EXCITED - I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE.... WHAT DID YOU DO??
Oh well, the doctor says.... I just cut off about 10 cm of your rubberboots.....
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Survillas on
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A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.
They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room.
'What happened!?' they cried!
The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
Moreal...never assume that a man understands!
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Permalink Reply by Working-mom-of-2 on
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Husband and wife didn't have sex in a long time. Short before midnight they get ready for bed.
While they are undressing the husband says "Oh honey,.... I put your migraine tablets on your nightstand!"
The wife replies "why ? I don't have a headache"
Husband: "GOOOOOOD!"
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Survillas on
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THat is cute!!
Working-mom-of-2 said:Husband and wife didn't have sex in a long time. Short before midnight they get ready for bed.
While they are undressing the husband says "Oh honey,.... I put your migraine tablets on your nightstand!"
The wife replies "why ? I don't have a headache"
Husband: "GOOOOOOD!"
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Permalink Reply by Working-mom-of-2 on
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A guy visits the doctor and says that he is not feeling very well lately.
The doctors asks "do you take any medication ?"
Guy: "no not really, just 1,5 viagra pills a day."
Doctor: "1,5 ? when do you take half a pill ?"
Guy: "In the morning so I don't wet my shoes when i go pee"
Doctor:"uhm,.. I see and when do you take the whole pill ?"
Guy:" That I take in the evening before i go to bed. Just to make sure I don't roll out of the bed while I sleep."
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Survillas on
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An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and a gain until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and s h e replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !'
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