Dealing with unwanted advice from friend
How do you deal with a friend who is always telling you how wonderful their kid is and how you can 'fix' yours?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Susan Mentzer on -
I think I would just tell them that I think my kid is actually pretty great. Yes, I may have problems with my kid but at least my kid doesn't do > AND THEN MENTION SOMETHING THEIR KID DOES< and maybe they'll stop and think for a minute.
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Permalink Reply by LyN on -
i will have to agree truly with Susan and Kelly. i've always felt and known that Lil is the best for me. no other kid is comparable to him. yes, he has his cheeky naughty days, but he is just as well-behaved and mannered as the rest of the 6-year olds out there. i would definitely stay away from moms like these. they are just destructive to your mental and emotional well-being. they are not supportive and would be the kind to put you down in any situation any time. so, me..simple, i would stay away. i'll save my energy for better moms out there.
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Permalink Reply by Loretta Oliver on -
Ugh, nothing could be more annoying. I agree with the other ladies. Be up front with her and say, "Hey! My kids is awesome!" Point out that you have different parenting styles and the kids are two different people, they're not going to do every single thing the same, nor do you expect them to.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Hutchison on -
You are all right - I will have to be strong and say something. Before we had kids this was not an issue and she was a pretty good friend. I think I am also going to keep the visits to just adult outings e.g. I can meet her at the movies occasionally and see how that goes.
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Permalink Reply by Coach Jen on -
I empathize with you, as I have been in the same situation before. I decided about seven years ago not to nurture those friendships that made me feel anxious, with or without my kids. Usually it is some deep seated jealousy from your friend, or insecurity in her own parenting style that presents itself in boasting about her own child and trying to give you "advice."
Be weary of those friends. It is okay to move on when those relationships don't meet your needs any more. Moms have such a demand on their time. It is more fulfilling to spend time with like minded people who you go away from feeling great about the friendship and the mutually rewarding relationship.
My life has been blessed with abundance since I gave up on some of those highly verbal and demanding friendships........it has made room for some of the best friendships I could have hoped for.
Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Beatrice Foster on -
Yes I agree with all of you to be very frank and firm with your so called friend, I disagree with pointing out a fault in the other child. Distance yourself from negative people while raising your child they pick up on the stress and become aggressive or klingy. Be thankful she is not a family member and move on.
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Permalink Reply by Ruth Edensor on
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I agree with Michelle and would be looking towards other friends for company.
I believe that negative thoughts attract negative energy so if someone is being negative towards me I TRY to keep my toughts positive or stay away,because I don't want to attract negative energy back, if you get what I mean.
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Noe Matthews on -
I completely agree with Ruth. Negative energy is the worst. I also keep the negative energy away and try to only focus on the positive. I would not make any effort to be around a "friend" who continuously tried to point the faults of my children. I would be upfront with the friend and just let it be known that I wouldl not tolerate that behavior -because last time I checked, nobody was perfect.
Ruth Edensor said:I agree with Michelle and would be looking towards other friends for company.
I believe that negative thoughts attract negative energy so if someone is being negative towards me I TRY to keep my toughts positive or stay away,because I don't want to attract negative energy back, if you get what I mean.
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Permalink Reply by Lynne Kenney on -
Reading these answers was enormously informative. This rings a chord for many of us.
I agree that if you think the friend will respond to feedback and you wish to maintain the friendship be honest and ask for what you need, actually make a positive request for change.
"Janet, our friendship is important to me but I prefer that you not offer me advice I don't ask for about my kids, it hurts our friendship."
You'll know soon enough if she can change, if not distance can be your friend when it comes to her. I too thought as did Beatrice, thank goodness this isn't a close family member, that would be quite a bother.
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Permalink Reply by Leanne Laine on -
I've recently had to "frump" (dump a friend) someone exactly like that. While they come off acting superior over you with condescending remarks by telling you what they think how you should parent your child, they are really way more insecure than you are and tney say such things to feel better about themselves. It really isn't worth keeping friendships around like that because in the long run it can (and will) become very toxic to you and your child.
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Permalink Reply by Deb Maubach on -
Wow, lots of great advice here! I wouldn't point out a fault in this mom's child, then you are doing the same. Distancing is probably the best idea, but sometimes that isn't realistic. If you're secure enough, I'd point out what she is doing, she may not be aware of it. She may just think she's helping you. Do it in love, and hopefully she'll receive it in that. If not, when you move on, at least she'll know why.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Hutchison on
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Thanks everyone for the great advice. One of the things that complicates this is that our children are such great friends and they just love being with each other.
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