Do You Take The Easy Way Out in Parenting?

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I don't know why anyone in their right mind would think that parenting is easy. It's not. It's probably the hardest thing a human can do.

We all talk about there being 'no books' or 'guidelines' and God knows our own parents made all the mistakes we certainly don't want to make.

So today I had an epiphany. I don't know why I just thought about it today, it's such a simple thing and you probably already know this. Good parenting...is NOT taking the Easy Way Out! Believe me, I've tried. And I continue to try. I just DO NOT want to work so hard!

Here's what I mean. I am in a constant battle with my daughter to clean her room. The easy way out for me is to clean it for her. It doesn't take me that much time and I can get it to look the way I want it to look. Yeah, the easy way. The hard way is to hound her and hold stuff over her in order for the room to get clean. And, yes. I GET that it's her room, and I GET that I should let her keep it any way she wants (her piece of heaven in the home), but I just can't. To me, she is part of this family and part of this household and should respect the home we pay a mortgage on to keep!

Another example, laundry. My kids are at an age where they can certainly do their own laundry, and think of what they will learn as far as self sufficiency if they learn to do it themselves! But...it's just so much easier if I do it!

So, do you take the easy way out? And if not, to you have any tips? Love to hear them!!!

Thanks!

Judi Diamond
http://www.lipsticknlaundry.com/

Tags: diamond, easy, judi, lipsticknlaundry.com, moms, parenting

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Judi on February 15, 2009 at 10:57am: I'm definitely going to check out your book! I actually will mention it on one of our upcoming shows! If you haven't seen any of them, our valentines special is up through today, and you can watch all our archives, specials and outtakes at our site http://www.lipsticknlaundry.com/.

Ruth Edensor said:
Hi Judi,

I did agree with you that there were no guidlines or books out there to help us with parenting and yes it is the hardest job in the world. I have worked with children for 30 years have raised my own beautiful children Daniel aged 18 and Natalie 21 and found out often the hard way to do things. I have been so passionate about children's behaviour that after studying it for so long and completing a psychology degree I decided to write the book myself in hope to let everyone know what is the easiest most effective positive way to help children grow up happy, peaceful and fulfilled. Please see my book called 'A Parents guide to children's behaviour' at www.childbehaviourdirect.com. There is a competition to win a book if you want to have ago.
Best wishes Ruth; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by lilbitzfoxe on February 15, 2009 at 11:15am: Have you tried holding a family meeting where you explain to them that it bugs you to see their rooms in such a mess and you are irritated because you feel expected to do all the laundry and ask them to come up with some solutions to the problem. Write down all the solutions and choose one together. Possibly a rosta or something. You could also try giving your daughter the choice of having her privacy respected if she at least keeps her floor clear so you can vacuum without having to open any drawers or losing that privilege because you tidy it yourself. Put the power in their hands and you might be surprised what they'll choose; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Judi on February 17, 2009 at 1:48pm: Okay, I just took my daughters (she's a teen) computer away because she left it out AGAIN along with a big mess!! she's SO MAD! I'll let you know if it worked! It's SO HARD to be a 'mean mom'! I HATE it! Like I said, I'll let you know what she says!

Missy said:
My mom would tell us to clean out rooms once. If anything was left out she would put it in a garbage bag and hide it. After that every time we would clean it she would put a few items of our back. Now that I am 30 I still keep it clean.

I have also seen the stick reward program. It has chores on a board and on the bottom has slots with the child's name on it. After the child does the chore they put the stick for the chore in their slot. And they are rewarded. Not sure how old your kids are though.

If they are in their teens-well then it's oh sorry you can't go to your friends house this weekend because your chores aren't done. Guess you'll be to busy to go because you'll be doing your chores. I would exercise the give and take!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Colleen on February 18, 2009 at 9:34am: My son is four and until recently I was picking up after him all the the time. I told myself maybe he wasn't old enough, and it was easier than getting on his case all the time. But I finally buckled down and made him start picking up his toys. He gets mad, he cries, sometimes he get put in time outs because he doesn't want to. But I was resenting that I had to clean up after him all the time. Now it's his responsibility and he suffers the consequences if he doesn't do it. I can't tell you how much better I feel about it. He has to learn sometime to take care of his own things. It's part of growing up. I realized by not making his do it himself, I wasn't teaching him anything.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Judi on February 18, 2009 at 10:56am: Colleen, you are so right on, and you're smart! You're teaching him early! You took the harder route, but in the end it will be easier for you! I NEED to start doing that more! And what Missy said, so TRUE! I remember at a mommy and me group once, the teacher of the group said she would take a garbage bag and toss all that was not cleaned up (after a warning, of course!) and she said it worked for her! I KNOW it's one of the things I should try, but I have a hard time throwing out stuff that costs money, especially in this economy! What if I put it in a garbage bag but really didn't throw it out? Does that count??? thoughts?

Colleen said:
My son is four and until recently I was picking up after him all the the time. I told myself maybe he wasn't old enough, and it was easier than getting on his case all the time. But I finally buckled down and made him start picking up his toys. He gets mad, he cries, sometimes he get put in time outs because he doesn't want to. But I was resenting that I had to clean up after him all the time. Now it's his responsibility and he suffers the consequences if he doesn't do it. I can't tell you how much better I feel about it. He has to learn sometime to take care of his own things. It's part of growing up. I realized by not making his do it himself, I wasn't teaching him anything.; ▶ Reply to This