Drinking infront of your kids
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Do you drink in front of your kids ? A close friend always does it and feels that she is doing nothing wrong. I told her that this kind of behavior will have a negative affect on her kids but she disagrees. I fear that she is to dependent on the bottle and sees the trait of alcoholism. I confronted her on the issue but she always is in denial. How can i help her? Also please voice your opinion on Mommies Playtime http://mommiesplaytime.com
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Permalink Reply by Kristina on -
An occasional drink is not bad, but drinking in excess can definitely send the wrong signal to children. I think that it's important to make kids aware of alcohol and the effects, but that should be done through talking, not first hand experience. I feel if they know and understand alcohol, they will be less likely to abuse it as teenagers and adults. If you tell a kid "You can't have this, it's bad for you" there is a strong likelihood that their curiosity will get the best of them and if there have been no boundaries set, they can do some serious damage.
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Permalink Reply by Mignon on
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Well, there is a difference between the occasional glass of wine and being an alcoholic. Children should be told they cannot have a sip of a grownup's drink and that should be the end of the discussion. Parents do not need to be getting hammered in front of their children. Being an alcoholic is a separate discussion altogether. The problem is that until this mom realizes she has a problem, well, she will see you as the problem. You can plant seeds, but by the time the seeds grow into trees aka her realizing she has a problem, you may or may not be around anymore. Plant the seeds, be a good friend, and that's all you can do.
As far as my hubs and me..........we drink occasionally with friends two houses up the street - no driving involved nor do we become sloshed. At home, one of us may have an occasional drink after a bad day, but we pour the drink into a colored glass so that it isn't obvious - no sense advertising having a drink. As far as drinking at a restaurant and driving after even one drink - no, we don't feel that is responsible parenting.
On the argument of children doing what they see you do: hubs partied pretty hard in high school and his parents never drank nor smoked, so doesn't hold a lot of water for me. Also, my parents are both alcoholics and I'm not. You teach your kids right from wrong and do the best you can and at some point, they will make decisions whether or not you taught them right from wrong or not. The best is to have taught them right from wrong so that they will lean toward making more right decisions than wrong. Love them regardless and have a standing rule that they can call you no matter when for you to come get them regardless of where they are or what they have drank. I would rather have my child safe than fearful of calling me if and or when he were to make a huge error in judgement.
As far as that goes, have that as a standing rule for your friend, so that she might consider calling you over driving drunk.
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Permalink Reply by Mallory Powers on
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Good question. I think that it's okay to drink in front of your children. Now, I don't mean taking tequila shots and sucking down limes next to your fifteen year old, but a glass of wine or a beer every night at dinner isn't wrong. If you exercise moderation in your life, children can learn that they, too, (when old enough) can have a drink once in a while and not go crazy. If you always teach children an extreme view, then when they are are old enough they might revolt. For example, if you never drink in front of your child and say that any and all alcohol is bad and any use will render you inoperable, then when they do have their first drink and discover that it is not true, may experiment further. However, if talk with them and explain and discuss responsible alcohol use and regularly check in with discussions, then they will be more likely to use it responsibly as well.
With your friend, perhaps you can talk with her further and see how she deals with it with her children. Is she in fact taking tequila shots or is she sneaking vodka swigs from a bottle that she hides in the garage? If she hides it, she probably has a bigger problem. If she has a glass a night, it might not be a huge problem.
What do you think? What have you done?
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Permalink Reply by Jacqueline on -
I drink in front of my kids on occasion, and I don't see it as a problem. My thought is that if I see drinking in front of my kids as a problem, then I am probably not drinking responsibly. I would not want to drink in a way that would not be appropriate for my kids to see.
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Permalink Reply by Susan Mentzer on -
It seems your right that she is in denial and until something bad happens that shows her otherwise. I'm sure she'll see the same thing in her kids when they get older.
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Permalink Reply by Joanna on -
I think occasional drinking itself is OK. However, drinking in front of kids doesn't sound right. Kids imitate and learn from their parents all the time. For them, without understanding the limits and have a sense of self control, I think it can be easy for them to think that drinking is OK (occasionally or not).. Anyway, that is just my 2 cents..
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Joanna
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Permalink Reply by Tamara Garcia on -
Alcohol is everywhere you turn. People, TV, Billboards etc.. I think that we have two choices; we can either be truthful to our children and speaking the truth to them about alcohol or you can have the system portray it for you. I am sure you see what they will learn from the system!
Alcohol abuse is a different issue. I feel that it is OK to have a few drinks a month in front of your children and if they ask questions, educate them so that they understand. They will only lead my example. If your friend is abusing alcohol than that needs to be addressed. You should have no issues or second thoughts about expressing your concerns if you are a true friend. This is beyond "hurting her feelings" it about caring and loving someone that you see jumping from the bridge.
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