Former working mom, suddenly a SAHM - got any tips?

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Permalink Reply by Jenny Ferry on July 1, 2009 at 2:41pm

Hi Jenni,

First of all, sorry to hear about your departure from your job of 8 years - sounds like it was not by choice. I had a similar experience when I tried to return to my beloved position after my daughter was born 4 years ago. I had worked for nearly 20 years - so you can imagine the *shock* of finding myself as a SAHM.

So here's my two cents on this topic:

Just notice how you are feeling about and transitioning into this new role after the initial novelty wears off. Check in with yourself regularly so you can make minor adjustments when needed to stay refreshed and nurture your best self.

You didn't say if you plan to look for work after the summer or not; however, if that's the case - be sure and make the effort to stay very well connected to your professional network over the summer. Current job market research show that nearly 90% of positions are being gained through informal channels. So besides playdates, story time at the library or visits to the community pool, set aside some time each day to interact with your professional compadres.

Finally, so glad you reached out for support here and keep doing so as you ride the wave of this experience in your life. Please don't hesitate to get in touch.

Best to you,
Jenny Ferry
http://thriveable.com

P.S. We "Jennies" need to stick together!! :D

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Permalink Reply by Coreena on July 2, 2009 at 7:55am

Check out http://www.meetup.com for get-togethers in your area that may interest you.
Look up http://www.mops.org for Mothers of Preschoolers meetings, usually during the schoolyear. Volunteers take care of the children while mothers get a chance to have grown-up activities.

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Permalink Reply by JessicaW on July 2, 2009 at 7:58am

Hey! Congratulations on your sabattical (you'll come to see it as this later, trust me ;-).

I Was laid off from my regular job back in December and I started my own business at home and hang out with my two kids ages 10 and 3. it's WONDERFUL.

Get to know the parks and playgrounds. You might do a "playground tour" of picnic lunches and a new park each Friday (Or tuesday, whatever works for your scheudle) our kids love this stuff.

Your local parenting magazines or newsletters will have schedules of the free and cheap days at different parks, zoos, museums, etc.

We've been doing a lot of baking (cookies, etc). Crafts (beats on shoelaces are great) and clubs (Girl Scouts, and church groups). We're also using the time to make sure we're caught up on things like dental exams, etc.

don't forget to be doingn something for yourself too. I used hiremymom.com when I first started taking editing/freelancing jobs. It's a nice source for a project (and some income) and geared just for moms to work at home. Good luck, Jess

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Permalink Reply by Melissa Smallwood, Multi-Tasking Mama on July 2, 2009 at 8:00am

Developing a routine for you and your girls is key. Make sure to enjoy this time with them but also to take time out for you- join a book club, Bible study or something else that will guarantee adult interaction. You should be able to find lots of fun stuff to do with your girls this time of year. Some of our favorite things when my kids were that age were library story hours, playgroups, picnics at the park and just playing outside with the sprinkler. Best wishes to you!

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Permalink Reply by Karrie on July 2, 2009 at 8:01am

I found myself in a similar situation. My DS needed extra support for his autism spectrum disorder. So we packed up and moved to another state. Suddenly, I found myself not working 60 hours/wk. Infact, I was all of a sudden a SAHM! Also, I found myself in a strange state with NO friends or social contacts! UGH!

I had to first decide what hobbies I wanted to pursue. I always wanted to work on knitting and crochet but had never had the time. So I got on the internet and googled "knitting group" and my city name. Immediately, I found a group that met 5 miles from where we moved. I contacted the head of the group who was so warm and welcoming. AND they met at night when DH could be home with the kids. PERFECT. Once I started to show up at their group, they told me about the guild they belonged to and the local yarn shop they all hung out at. I started going to the yarn shop on Sat(s) and taking classes and entrenching myself in the local knit scene.

Then, I also joined MOMS Club. This was especially helpful! There were oodles of activities for my DD and opportunities to meet other moms. I volunteered at DD's preschool and DS's middle school.

I finally felt like I wasn't so isolated once I found some groups of moms like myself to socialize with. I also went to meetup.com and found a group of professionals that meets to talk about the healthcare industry (where I worked) once a month. This keeps me in touch with the professional world.
Make connections both for yourself and for you and your kids together. SAHM doesn't mean you have to stay home all of the time! :)

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Permalink Reply by Reener on July 2, 2009 at 8:06am

I don't know, seems you're doing fine, hooking up with other SAHM, looking for activities, spending time with your kids. Enjoy it. Just let it take it's own course. Yes, there will be down times. I've been a SAHM for 22 years. The ONLY problem I've come across is that I'm unemployable because I've been out of the workforce so long. No one wants someone who hasn't work in over 20 years. But I have excellent secretarial skills as well as computer and communications. But if you can't prove it, then it's useless. That's my only problem. Other than that, my 17yo and 21yo really still do need me. Not on an everyday basis, or even a weekly basis, but knowing that I'm here for them in a crisis or crunch is comforting to me. My nickname has become MomStar recently. I'm a walking road map! LOL!

Take it and run with it!

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Permalink Reply by Maggie's Station,LLC on July 2, 2009 at 8:08am

I can remember a long time ago when I stopped working because my son was born. It left me empty and unfufilled at times. I loved being a Mother but felt I had lost my identity. I did everything I could do being only a Mom. But, eventually, I started selling everything from Avon, stitchery to Mary Kay. Sorry for your job loss I can feel your pain, it is liking losing someone special to you.

My advice is to just welcome every opportunity that you can to be with your children. Sometimes, this is an open blessing and one you can never get back. I've noticed that the theme this summer is "Backyard circus's" maybe, you can invite children and mothers to have one. It's a simple summer time fun experience and doesn't cost a lot to produce! Plus, it brings much imagination and creativity to all! I'll keep you in my prayers for your return to the workforce and to find peace with this time off!

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Permalink Reply by Cynthia Willman on July 2, 2009 at 8:18am

First, I hope you won't feel guilty about needing some "me" time now that you're finally able to be with your kids every day. This isn't a calling to the sainthood (although it's close!), so you're really allowed to get a sitter once in awhile or arrange playdate swaps with a friend so you can just chill for an hour a day.

Also, be sure to exercise to work off some of the stress and frustration and sadness that come after a layoff or whatever your particular situation is about.

You'll learn to love it, but give yourself a break and don't expect to be SuperMommy in four days flat. Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Dijea on July 2, 2009 at 8:20am

Good luck! I did the same thing this summer after contemplating the cost of childcare, I resigned from my company (I'd been there 14 years) and decided to spend time with my boys 8 & 6. We've been having a fun time. We take nature walks, we go to the local Arboretum. We bake/cook. I let them get involved. Just two days ago we made homemade bread -- they loved getting their hands dirty.

I live in Texas and its hard to do a lot of outdoor things sometimes in the heat so our outings are in the morning. And we take it easy in the afternoon. We clean one room a day from top to bottom (they will learn to pick up after themselves) and we read, take care of our plants.

For the first time in my life I'm not following a schedule and to be honest, I've never felt better.

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Permalink Reply by Tina on July 2, 2009 at 9:33am

I was in your exact position almost 3 years ago. I had worked full time from the time I was 17 up until I got laid off when my kids were 6, 2, and 4 months old. It didn't really make since financially for me to go back to work until the kids were older, so I started staying at home. It was a bit of a shock to say the least. The only things I can recommend are what you've already done. Number one is stick to a schedule. Does it have to be a schedule as strict as the one you had while you were working? Of course not, but if there isn't some kind of schedule you're likely to go crazy. And if your kids were in daycare, they're use to having a schedule too. It can make the whole transition a lot smoother for everyone involved if you have some idea what needs to be done/accomplished each day.

Also, definitely rely on support systems. The hardest thing for me was being at home all day with my 2 yo and baby (the oldest was in school) and feeling like I was talking to myself. Even though I wasn't close with my former co-workers, at least they could carry on a conversation! That's when I started blogging, reaching out to parenting communities and finding moms groups. Being connected with other parents that know what you're going through, what you deal with on a daily basis and just someone to carry on a conversation that doesn't involve Sesame Street!

It may be difficult to transition (it was for me) but in the end I'm so glad that I'm home with my kids now. I bet you and your children will treasure the time you're getting to spend with them. Best of luck to you!

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Permalink Reply by Lynne Kenney on July 2, 2009 at 9:56am

Jenni,
If life had to throw you a curveball, your kids are young so it's a great time. Momslike me might be in your area. You might also enjoy doing a school schedule at home. You'll take your work skills and apply them in other areas, I know you'll do great! Lynne

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Permalink Reply by Renegade Mom on July 2, 2009 at 11:48am

Take the first few days to do nothing but lay around in your pj's and eat Ben & Jerrys! In fact go out right now and go to Target and buy yourself some really slammin' Nick & Nora PJ's to celebrate the occassion.

Have a great non-working summer!

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