Guilt after an accident
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5 after 2 votes
Has anyone out there struggled with guilt after having an accident? I had an accident this evening that was my fault, the damage was minimal, but more importantly everyone is okay. The worst part is that my 5 year old was in the car with me, and I'm feeling awfully guilty about the accident because he could have been hurt. I can't get my mind to settle down, can't sleep, etc...just looking for someone who might understand.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by tangerine on -
Yes, it was years ago. My four little ones were in the car, as well as my husband. My brakes failed on an older vehicle. It takes a while to get past the shock. I avoided that particular intersection for months, a minor case of post traumatic stress. Talk it out with a sympathetic listener. If you can't sleep, you may have to give it up and do something physical, like taking a brisk walk or doing some jumping jacks...dance...scrub the tub. Then maybe later a cup of decaf tea and then try to sleep. We all screw up once in a while. It is never too soon to admit to your little one that parents are not perfect, but that we are in charge. You took care of things after the accident. The point is, your little one didn't get hurt. Talk to her/him about it. Maybe draw a picture of the accident, together. You both need to talk about it to get it out of your systems. It has been a few days. How are things going?
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Permalink Reply by Theresa Moss on -
I had an accident years ago taking my son and some friends to a movie. My fault, I ran a red light. All kids were ok, but we went to the hospital and I had to call the other parents. What a nightmare. Then there was the other car. I hit the car in the passenger side, and the man on that side was not wearing a seat belt. he was lying on the ground in great pain, and his wife, who was driving, actually came over to see if me and the kids were ok. She was so gracious and understanding. I got her address from the accident report and tried to call to see how they were doing, but no luck. It took awhile, but I began to feel ok again, and like I wasn't the world's biggest Loser. Fast forward 2 or 3 years, and I'm at a party of some friends of ours, and I am sitting at the bar in their game room, and at the other end of the bar, there is this woman staring at me, and I immediately recognize her and her husband. It's a good thing I was sitting down because I probably would have fallen. She came over and asked if I was the woman who was in the car accident a few years back. I almost said "No" and ran away, but I of course admitted it. You know what? She gave me a big hug and asked how I was doing! Her husband was also very nice and understanding. He did have lingering effects and was still going to physical therapy but he was OK, and not at all resentful or angry. Turns out their kids were in the same school district as mine, and they knew my son through some friends. Very small world.
What I took from this is that accidents happen, and people can and will surprise you with their ability to forgive. The biggest part is forgiving yourself, and letting go of something that you no longer control.
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Permalink Reply by Juliette Calandra Ferguson on -
suzy deyoung said:Try to look at it from a different perspective. Focusing on "what could have happened" will make you more stressed which in turn will make your son more stressed as our kids can pick up on what we're feeling whether we verbalize it or not.
You don't want him to be fearful. Focus on gratitude that it was minimal and move on. By re-living the event and obsessing over what might have happened you are taking what was actually a happy ending and turning it into an unhappy one - exactly what you don't want to do for you and for your son. When you find your mind running loose again quickly switch to a thought that makes you feel good.
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Permalink Reply by Juliette Calandra Ferguson on
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It is 100% normal to have these concerns. I do agree with the one woman who mentioned gratitude. I believe you 'get what you think about' and it is best to move forward with the most positive attitude about it. Be blessed tht you are all ok. Be happy that it was a lesson to be more aware. Be thrilled that your 5 year old was not hurt. Be strong, because you are strong.
Juliette
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