Has mommy guilt got a hold of U?

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Permalink Reply by Kristin Leolani Gaffney on November 2, 2009 at 3:28pm

I'm constantly feeling guilty as a mother. I wonder if I am doing a good enough job. I feel guilty when I take some time for me, thinking I am doing something wrong. I hate having to tell my children no but I know that telling them no sometimes is good for them.

All mothers feel guilt at some point. Some more than others. I've always wanted to be a mommy when I "grew" up. It's my job and I guess I always want to get a Successful review. lol My family is my world. I'd do anything for them.

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Permalink Reply by Melanie Derrick on November 3, 2009 at 9:00am

My hope and prayer is that where I mess up God will step in and fill the gap. =) I hope my kids know I'm not perfect and that I do my very best because I love them. I pray that someday when they grow up they will have that moment, maybe when they become a parent themselves, when they really realize just how much we deeply love them. I know I had that moment after the birth of our first child. Nothing else really seemed to matter. I new my parents truly loved me and did the best they could. =)

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Permalink Reply by Amelia Dellos on November 3, 2009 at 10:30am

I know we all have those moments. It just seems that many moms are plagued with guilt. I also pray for patience that is the one area I need the most help with!

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Permalink Reply by Rhonda Cratty on November 4, 2009 at 5:52am

So true Amelia, if moms would just understand it is human, not just them that feel guilty, maybe just maybe they will sleep better. More sleep helps us to be the best we can be. Great Discussion
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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on November 4, 2009 at 11:18am

I have stopped feeling guilty about my kids - it is not worth it anymore and it doesn't help anyone. My kids are growing up with a roof over their heads, 2 parents who love them and they go to good schools every day. They really have so much, there is no need for guilt. I admit, however, i have channelled some of that kid guilt to dog guilt, when I have too much going on and she doesn't get a nice long walk, I must say I do feel a little sorry for her.
Nothing is perfect is it?
Roz

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Permalink Reply by Beth Gaddis on November 5, 2009 at 5:17am

I'm a full-time working mom and had tons of mommy guilt as I tried to do it all. One tip I learned: set the timer. Now I'll set it for 15 minutes when the kids and I get home and I just play with them until it goes off. No multi-tasking, no cleaning, no opening mail or cooking dinner. Just mommy and kids time. Then I don't feel so bad about setting them up with TV or coloring books when I have to start to get the chores done.

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Permalink Reply by Amelia Dellos on November 5, 2009 at 8:04am

beth i love this suggestion! it is so important to take that time to just focus on our kids and nothing else!!!

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Permalink Reply by Kellee Leamy on November 5, 2009 at 8:32am

I know that I get mommy guilt. When ever I take some time for myself, I feel guilty for taking the 2 hours here and there. If I don't take the time, then I am stressed and frazzled, and then I feel more guilt for being stressed and frazzled.

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Permalink Reply by Love McMillo on November 5, 2009 at 10:34pm

I am fairly new to motherhood. My son is 21 months and I feel guilty about discipline. I have incorporated a time out for my son when he has temper tantrums or ignores my admonishments. I have finally discovered the "this is going to hurt me more than it will you" notion. He looks so disappointed when he is in time out and actually hides his face in shame. I feel so guilty about it, but he must learn to behave and listen to mommy. I am getting the hang of it without letting my heart strings pull too much. :)

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Permalink Reply by Val on November 6, 2009 at 2:56am

Guilt is such a part of it. I look at my Mom for an example of course. My Mom had no life away from us and work. Now that she is retired she really has no friends and I see how bitter she is at times. I work hard at showing my kids that there is a balance, that they may not always be the thing I need the most. Guess what? My kids rock at 14 & 11 and understand that for one thing their parents love each other and are going to leave them for a few weekends here and there to be alone, that sometimes Mom goes out on a weekend with the girls to unwind and that dang it, we plan a whole winter of skiiing with each other! lol

My Mom even worked some guilt in when I went on my first weekend away with the girls. It was hard and is still hard to remember that she is jealous that she didn't do it. My Mom and I have had other talks about holidays where I was supposed to do what she did when we were little. Um...NO! I had 3 parents to get to each holiday and it's not my fault she didn't stand up for herself. That was a major push forward in our relationship. I finally told her that this was what was best for my family and truly it wasn't my fault that she didn't stick up for herself when I was little. BECAUSE IT'S NOT! I can only live now and now is GOOD!

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Permalink Reply by Amelia Dellos on November 6, 2009 at 6:24am

Discipline is a toughie. Especially around the 21 month mark when kids really start to want their independence. For books to read, I like The Happiest Toddler on The Block by Dr. Karp and the Five Love Languages by Dr. Chapman. The important thing to remember is that our kids need boundaries. Another point to remember is when you have lost control of your temper you have lost control of the situation. It is important to keep it together while disciplining. I know I struggle with this esp by the tenth time I have said something!!!

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Permalink Reply by Amelia Dellos on November 6, 2009 at 6:25am

Val I like your point about inherited guilt from our mothers!!!! This is a good one. I didn't even think about that. How guilt is actually a LEARNED behavior that can be passed down. Good food for thought.

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