Have You Lost Someone This Year?

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My best friend of ten years died in September. She just fell over dead. She was six weeks pregnant with their first baby, had just celebrated their one year anniversary (the day before), her career was doing well, she was happy. And now she's dead. Cause of death was listed as sepsis. Not that it matters. She is dead no matter how it happened.

I'm struggling to allow myself to feel the joy of the season. Every time I begin to let festive feelings creep in, I think of her husband. Her parents. Her grandmother. How can they possibly have a Merry Christmas this year - she was the center of ALL of those people's lives (a 2nd generation only child), and things will just never, ever be the same. For any of us. I still have my family, my parents, my sisters, my wonderful husband and my kids. They've lost everything in losing her.

So if you've lost someone you dearly loved this year, how are you coping? How are you feeling about the holidays without them this first time through? Just wanting to know what you're telling yourself and how you're dealing with the hole a death leaves in our lives? Thanks for reading.

Tags: best, death, friend, holidays

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Permalink Reply by Ruthie Appleby on December 9, 2008 at 1:24am: This is a wonderful post. My best friend in high schooldied years ago. too, but I lost my Daddy last year and had a very tough time of it. Actually now it has been a year and 1/2
Here is just my view...
It takes about 2 years to get over something.
Let the grieving process happen...it's normal and natural...
If you get too bad your not a bad person if you go on medication for a season
I was getting lower and lower...I chose for a season not to think about my dad...I think he would be okay with that.
it doesn't mean I;m bad...My mom his wife of 50 years plus told me about that song...I hope you dance...if you have
the chance go forward and dance remember the good memories... and move on with your life so your not sitting in your house alone seeing bugaboes so to speak...where all you have is old memories and you stop living..... move forward...that is the key... You mentioned something I did...thinking...and thinking...try to think of something else...read books, etc...let the grieving process happen but don't let it turn into depression...you'll know if it goes beyond the normal :) It's okay to cry and be down that is normal... I also lost my sister in law suddenly in a car accident that was really caused by an anerism...anyway...I think they would want you to be happy... it's normal to be down...but I found for me...not thinking about it...and taking the thoughts in small doses when I could handle them was better than being consumned... Focus on your family your life etc...and move forward...My mom did before I did and you may want to do this to help the family move forward as this will bring healing to all as my mother in law lost her only daughter and if they don't get back on the wheelof life they can actually live their whole lives in depression...we never get over these but we come to terms:)
I Hope this helps :) This just happened and everyone is in shock still so cry if you want. it's okay ....it's normal... You were blessed to have your best friend in your life for 10 years. My new best friend of about 20 years moved 1,000 miles away and that was very hard. I went to visit her and all I could do was cry for 3 solid days! and that was a year later! You will find strength in the psalms of the Bible...You are not alone...God is helping you cope right now.
I hope this helps :)
Ruthie; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by wanda on December 9, 2008 at 5:42am: DEATH IS A HARD THING TO COPE WITH,AND IT DEPENDS ON THE INDIVIDUAL,THERE IS NOTHING NOONE CAN REALLY SAY OR DO TO HEAL YOU,IT TAKES TIME AND PRAYER,AND REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES YOU SHARED WITH YOUR LOVE ONE AND REJOICE OF THAT.IF YOU WAKE UP EVERY DAY MOURNING HOW CAN YOU BE EFFECTIVE TO YOUR SELF AND FAMILY?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ruthie Appleby on December 10, 2008 at 11:38pm: over the holidays be nice to everyone you never know what people are going through..and prayer helps a lot!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Genell Hodges on December 23, 2008 at 1:23pm: Oh, how I feel for you, your words with such emotions and others comments. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Life can be good, life can get better. Just "Believe"! Make this a "Nice" Holiday season to remember. Do something spectacular and rejoiceful to your spirit.

We lost my mother inlaw this past February. She was only 65 years old and chose to live in a Senior Citizen's home, because she basically gave up on life. I vowed as I watched her life virtually waste away that I would NOT live as she did. I know this may sound harsh, and there are 2 sides to her life. The negative first, she didn't have any women friends, she didn't partake in any hobbies, she agreed with everyone (no matter what her own opinion was), so with that she led a life of really hum drum. Now, on the upside, she was alway's there for her children, she kept and emaculant home, she trusted everyone. My point is, she was afraid, to speak up, to have friends (because of her husbands stong opinions), to do something "More" with her life. She virtually let life pass her by. 65 is too young to go out of this world, she could of had another 20 more years. Life is about choices, she chose the things she did daily in her life for good and bad. I know your friend didn't have a choice and death took her with out anyone's control. Learn from it!?

If I could pass on any advice "Keep Living"! Life goes on with or with out others. Make your life your own and do the things you "LOVE" with gusto and enthusiasm, with viavciousness, heart and soul, so that when you look back or others see you as a Women of such "Awesomeness". Christmas is a time to celebrate "Life" and all that is "Good"! Start new traditions, continue past ones, whatever it is "Enjoy"!

With many blessings to you and your family this Season!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Eren Mckay on December 24, 2008 at 4:15am: I can't even begin to tell you everything what i went through this year but summarizing i lost a total of 8 people from family from last August til May.
They were all close uncles and aunts that i grew up with and also lost my Grandfather. One of my closest aunts that died would be having a birthday today December 24th.
The only thing that brings me solace is to know that they are in Heaven with Jesus and are very happy right now with angels all around them where there are not tears and sadness- only the presence of the Almighty God.
I see life as we do everything here that God called us to do and when our Mininstry on Earth is done- the Lord takes us to be in a much better place.
If I'm still here it's because God has a purpose and a plan for my life. I have to focus my thoughts on that purpose and plan and not on sad things.This verse says exactly that:

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

After grieving and being really bad i decided to only think of the good.
Think of all the great moments you gave her when she was here. Don't let your thoughts wander to the bad. I know this is difficult but it's the only way I was able to cope with so much death in my family.
I hope this helped you- these are the things that have helped me.

God bless you in this Christmas season,
Eren Mckay; ▶ Reply to This