Help my husband wants another baby!

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Permalink Reply by Fantasy Sports Widow on February 16, 2009 at 9:13pm

It's funny...my husband and I always talked about having 4. Well...we have two. I struggled with it for a bit thinking that MAYBE I would want another (I still could if I really wanted to) but in all honesty I think it would put me over the edge! My husband and I both come from 3 and every so often we joke about having another but in reality it would be so hard for us to go back. I think if you are going to do it...do it now while youre in the thick of it because it is much harder to go back... Oh and this is coming from someone who LOVES being pregnant and giving birth...it's those toddler years that make me wanna cringe! :)

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Permalink Reply by Melanie Carter on February 16, 2009 at 9:55pm

I am in the same boat. I only have one girl and she is turning 6 this week. My husband says constantly he wants a son. He dreams of a son, I must give him a son. He is one of four and I am one of two. I am honestly spoiled now that my daughter is 6. She is independent and is easy. I cannot imagine going back to the land of diapers but they do grow fast. He also travels a lot and I cannot handle being alone with an infant and kid. I don't know what to do, i hope he give up his dream but I feel bad at times. Besides its not guaranteed we would have a boy.

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Permalink Reply by Dale_Kelley on February 17, 2009 at 10:36am

Pfft!!!!!! Take a vacation. Leave him with the kids for a few weeks. And then get him a puppy.

Who knows? You may feel differently in a few years. (Really, you might! Ya never know!)

I'm sorta kinda too old now, my youngest is 17, but every now and again I take leave of my senses and get the "urge". I love babies! I miss mine :(

I'd just tell hubby what I would always say to the kids when I didn't feel like dealing with what often followed "No" and that's..... "Not right now. Maybe later!"

Sorry. I know it's a serious issue. Your youngest is still pretty young, so really, not right now isn't unreasonable and is probably best for the two you've got! There's a saying I live by, "If Momma ain't happy, aint nobody happy!"

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Permalink Reply by Carol Band on February 18, 2009 at 9:13am

As a SAHM, it's your call. Looks like your kids are pretty little now - it's possible in a few years, you'll feel nostalgic about diapers and 2am feedings and you'll think "Hmmmmm...three kids sounds like a good idea."

I waited 5 years between my 2nd and 3rd - just because the 2nd was such a demanding kid. She's great now (at age 20!).
I rememember telling my oldest son that I was pregnant again. His reaction: "What if it's another sister?!" Total panic.

Three kids is five times more work than two...it's just simple Arithmomtic.

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Permalink Reply by Colleen on February 18, 2009 at 9:16am

I completely empathize with you about hating to be pregnant. We're expecting out second in June, and I can't wait to get it over with. That sounds awful right? My husband wants four kids. I think two is good. Though we are having a boy again this time, and I really would like a girl. But I'm not sure I want a girl so bad I'm willing to have another baby. I feel like I want my life back someday.You know, to be done with all this toddler and baby stuff. My husband thinks the like yours, that I'll change my mind. For now I keep telling let's just wait and see.

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Permalink Reply by Razzberry Momma on February 18, 2009 at 3:12pm

I think you need to help him understand that there are two of you parenting and two of you need to make the decision to parent again. In my house, we have a rule with our kids about asking for something that prevents the whole divide and conquer thing... "it takes 2 yeses and 1 no." I think this really applies here. Basically, either you both agree to have another one or you don't have another one. It's not fair to you to put you through something you didn't enjoy and don't really have your heart in to do again. Yes, babies are cute and cuddly and oh so fun... but that stage doesn't last long and they grow quickly into children who can talk back and argue and scream "I hate you!" and if you are not wanting to do that again, it's gonna be a lot harder to deal with and may even breed resentment toward hubby, which would obviously be bad. I know it seems a little unfair and one sided, but if you guys are not a united front on wanting to have another baby.. it's just going to make things tougher when things get hard with that child.

That being said... I agree with some of the other mommies here who've said that you may change your mind. My two are almost 4 years apart. Maybe wait a bit and give yourself time to forget how bad the pregnancy was... you never know... you might change your mind. But tell hubby the truth about how you are feeling and that you don't like being pressured/guilted about it. Let him know how the pressuring is making you feel and ask him to give you some time to see if you change your mind in a couple years maybe?

Hope this helps. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

~Christina

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Permalink Reply by Monogram Momma on February 21, 2009 at 4:53am

My boys are 5.5 & 7 so I understand your position. And there really IS the light at the end of the tunnel b/c I reached it when my boys were 4 & 5! My position was that we can give the children we have a much better life with better eductation, travel, and life experiences than if we added another child into our family. I felt strongly that our family was complete as a family of 4. With 2 children, we are able to give them more travel experiences and just life experiences in general, and we also have ours in private school. This is not something we could do if we added a third child, and it was more important to me to provide as well as we could to the two children we already have than to upturn our life for a third child that doesn't exist. So that is how I presented it.

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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on February 21, 2009 at 5:34pm

I think the decision to have a third has to come equally from both parents, otherwise whenever you are down and out or frustrated about your situation, you'll blame your husband for forcing you into this situation. That said - if you do have a third, you know it would be impossible not to love him/her and you would always be saying I can't imagine my life without you.
Very tough decision that the two of you have to make together.
Good luck.
Roz
www.echoage.com

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Permalink Reply by Manic Mother on February 24, 2009 at 10:57am

Thanks so much ladies for all the advice.

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Permalink Reply by ursula on February 24, 2009 at 2:45pm

Just be truthful to him and make him understand how you feel, i made that mistake and carried on having the kids got 6 now and will not be having no more, think about yourself and keep true to yourself its your body and you have to go through so much from carrying them to bringing them up, good luck at making him understand.

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Permalink Reply by Susan Newman on February 25, 2009 at 6:43am

I'd send him over to read Is having babies recession-proof? and Children are Big Ticket Items: How Many Can You Afford?. Deciding to have another child should always be a joint decision and as I often say, Mom's vote should count twice.
Susan Newman, Ph.D., www.susannewmanphd.com

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Permalink Reply by Catherine Marche on February 25, 2009 at 7:04am

Just tell him that your body will not cope and keep taking the pill :)

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