How do I tell my son's Grandmother that we do not go to church?
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5 after 2 votes
My son's Grandmmother is a very church/christian oriented lady. She is always asking me if I read the bible to him or if I take him to church. I just casually not answer her questions about it. I have very different views about church and the bible religions, etc....basically we do not go to church or I don't. I was raised in the church, my father is a pastor and my family are church going folks but I have different religious beliefs and it is hard to explain to people so I would rather not because I shouldn't have to. I am not athiest or anything like that. I believe God, I have faith just like the next person but as I got older I chose to believe in what I felt was right versus the forced religious beliefs I had to believe in as a kid. And now I am giving my son the option (I was not given) to learn about the Lord and choose his own path.
His grandmother is just always asking and pleading that I take him to church. I want to tell her that we do not go and why but I am tired of having to explain my beliefs or disbeliefs to christians or other religious people and then getting the unwanted feedback I could care less to hear... Everyone should be able to praise God in their own way and not be scrutinized for it but I am.
I would like her to quit asking me to take him. My son knows of church and of God. He is not unaware of the power of God. He knows we do not go to church and I explained to him why although he is too young to understand. When he gets older he has the right to praise how he wants. If church is what he wants I will gladly take him and pick him up afterwards. I feel people think I am trying to make my son like me and what I believe in and I am not. He is only almost 7 so he has no real idea of religions yet. I teach him my beliefs as well as my family"s "CHRISTIAN" way of faith because he should have the option to choose how he wants to show his devotion to God.
I am at a loss for words when his Grandmother asks me if we went to church or have I found one yet. I do not know what to say to her. Normally I am quick to tell someone why I don't attend church but because I waited so long with her to tell her, we are 7yrs into this and I have always just avoided it and now I am faced with having to tell her the truth I just don't know how! Any suggestions, advice, ideas???
His grandmother is just always asking and pleading that I take him to church. I want to tell her that we do not go and why but I am tired of having to explain my beliefs or disbeliefs to christians or other religious people and then getting the unwanted feedback I could care less to hear... Everyone should be able to praise God in their own way and not be scrutinized for it but I am.
I would like her to quit asking me to take him. My son knows of church and of God. He is not unaware of the power of God. He knows we do not go to church and I explained to him why although he is too young to understand. When he gets older he has the right to praise how he wants. If church is what he wants I will gladly take him and pick him up afterwards. I feel people think I am trying to make my son like me and what I believe in and I am not. He is only almost 7 so he has no real idea of religions yet. I teach him my beliefs as well as my family"s "CHRISTIAN" way of faith because he should have the option to choose how he wants to show his devotion to God.
I am at a loss for words when his Grandmother asks me if we went to church or have I found one yet. I do not know what to say to her. Normally I am quick to tell someone why I don't attend church but because I waited so long with her to tell her, we are 7yrs into this and I have always just avoided it and now I am faced with having to tell her the truth I just don't know how! Any suggestions, advice, ideas???
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Betty Ray-Mydland on -
Having been in that same situation, just tell her in a gentle way that you and your family are "working out your own salvation with fear and trembling" and that she just continue to pray for your family but to please not inquire anymore. Jesus never hounded anyone and we as believers are not to do so either if we are to be Christ-like.
Another way is this: The Bible says that where 2 or 3 are gathered in His name, there He is in the midst of them. The word "church" in the greek simply means a group of 3 or more is a "church" so, when you and your son and husband are together and believing, you are, in the literal sense, a "church".
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Permalink Reply by Lauren on -
Monique, this is such a great topic. I completely understand where you are coming from -- and wrestled with the same issues for years. I joked for years that I was a cafeteria Catholic -- picking and choosing which rules I wanted to follow. I think if you are at peace with how you are raising your family, than I you just need to be truthful with your son's grandmother. Assure her that you have respect for her religious beliefs, and ask her to give you that same respect.
Also, since it sounds like you do want to expose your child to religion so that he can make the decision that is right for him, could you consider letting his grandmother take him to church from time to time so that she sees that your son is, in fact, being exposed to Christianity? The empathetic side of me can't help but feel like that would be a real show of respect for your mother (in-law?). And it's in giving respect that we receive.
Good luck with your decision.
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Permalink Reply by Pat Anderson on
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You don't have an easy situation. There's expectations all around! Just remember, Jesus was about relationship not religion. That's what He desires from you.
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Permalink Reply by kizze l harris on -
Well me being the person i am i would just tell her plain out stop asking. But i'm told sometimes i can be a lil harsh. So like the other lady had suggested you can always have her take him to church. Since you say your not really opposed to the faith. But i have to ask, you said your son does ask why your not attending and you've explained to him why. If you are giving him the choice it seems as though he is curious and wants to go. Now i dont know if thats because she talks about it or just because he has questions. But if hes asking you and your not letting him explore than your not really giving him a choice. But after all that is said and done your the mother and its your choice what you choose to do with your child. and no one has the right to keep harping on it. I'm sure she means no harm she just doing what she feel is right. So if you want meet her half way. If not be straight with her. Good luck!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Evangelia Biddy on -
Do not talk to your grandmother about going to church. Instead talk to her about the values you are teaching your children. Let her see the God in you and how you are raisinging your children with values and a spirit that is pleasing to God.
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Permalink Reply by Becky Fimbres on -
I know how you feel about this situation. I think it's best if you are just up front and honest with her.
My MIL is the typical Mexican widow, she attends Mass daily. Now that my FIL has passes, she goes on retreats and is part of a support group. She lives in a very small town and how you are seen is everything to her. My DH and I feel that your relationship with God is yours...not a social scene on Sundays.
Some people feel that it IS necessary to go to a church to have that relationship with their God.
Maybe you could let your son decide if he wants to go to church with your MIL or not. It could be their bonding.
Good luck on finding an answer...I'm sure I'll be dealing with this very soon.
Becky
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Permalink Reply by P Barnes on -
Hello. I don't want to turn you off or anything like that but please don't keep your child or yourself from church. You need to ask God which church you need to attend so you will get what YOU need and your son will get what he NEEDS. Being a PK is very hard and can be a turn off but you know in your heart what is right. You don't have to be in church every Sunday or every time they have a service but you do need to be there. You need a church home that is going to make you feel loved and accepted and one that will use the gifts that God has given only to you and your son needs a church home that will develop the gifts God has given only to him. Church is the place you go to worship and praise God so he can speak to you, touch your heart. The rest of the week most of us don't take time to do that because we are to busy running here and there or if we do it's only for a few minutes. Church is a place you go to learn more about God so you can keep going when you want to quit, so if you are on the wrong track you will straighten up, if you are hurting He will remove the pain or what ever your need is. We don't take the time to read and study the word at home because again we are too busy. Your son needs this foundation. That's why You and Your Son need to be in the Church God wants you to be in. During his teen years the word along with your guidance will help him make the right choices. When he becomes a man he will be the godly husband and father we want our husbands to be if we marry. Please reconsider and make sure it is God you are listening to and no one else.
I love you.
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Permalink Reply by suzy deyoung on -
Trust your instincts. I have known for some time that I get more spiritual connection from a walk in the woods or a yoga class than from any church, temple or place of worship. This has been a source of upset for many years with my mother-in-law however over time while not agreeing she has accepted that this is who we are. My kids have learned to trust their "inner compass" and follow thier inborn sense of right and wrong rather than looking tosomething outside themselves for comfort. This has been quite liberating for us. THe bottom line is she may be upset with you. This is something she will need to deal with. We still celebrate religious holidays with my in-laws. Just stay true to your self.
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Permalink Reply by Kristin Ruther on -
Every church is unique--look around and find one that you like. We all need support and encouragement. The church is a great place to find mentors and friends. No one is perfect and the church is made up of people, not a building, so perfection does not exist. But you can find love, especially God's love expressed each week. I know I need to be reminded of God's love and promises in his Word. The voices in our culture are secular and sometimes harmful. God reminds us that we have a purpose and are not an accident of nature.
P Barnes said:Hello. I don't want to turn you off or anything like that but please don't keep your child or yourself from church. You need to ask God which church you need to attend so you will get what YOU need and your son will get what he NEEDS. Being a PK is very hard and can be a turn off but you know in your heart what is right. You don't have to be in church every Sunday or every time they have a service but you do need to be there. You need a church home that is going to make you feel loved and accepted and one that will use the gifts that God has given only to you and your son needs a church home that will develop the gifts God has given only to him. Church is the place you go to worship and praise God so he can speak to you, touch your heart. The rest of the week most of us don't take time to do that because we are to busy running here and there or if we do it's only for a few minutes. Church is a place you go to learn more about God so you can keep going when you want to quit, so if you are on the wrong track you will straighten up, if you are hurting He will remove the pain or what ever your need is. We don't take the time to read and study the word at home because again we are too busy. Your son needs this foundation. That's why You and Your Son need to be in the Church God wants you to be in. During his teen years the word along with your guidance will help him make the right choices. When he becomes a man he will be the godly husband and father we want our husbands to be if we marry. Please reconsider and make sure it is God you are listening to and no one else.
I love you.
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Permalink Reply by Beth on -
The word "Chuch" just simply stands for a public place of worship. When Jesus preached, he stood outdoors & simply spoke to his people- there were no walls involved. So not attending church doesn't mean you aren't worshipping God. It's your heart that matters most of all. If you only feel that attending church would be "going through the motions" then you can simply tell the grandmother that you aren't keeping God out of your son's life, you're just allowing him to find God in his own way. No one has the right to even politely suggest you take your son to church because you're right, it isn't their business. I wasn't raised to attend church on a regular basis, spent many years believing in God but not attending & then the time came that I wanted to know more. Now we attend as a family every week but I'm giving my children the same opportunity I had....to get to know God as they wish & not force it on them because it's "right" or expected. My hope is they find God & follow Him always wherever He leads them. All the people who are asking this of you are well-intentioned people but maybe the time will come when you can ask your son if he wants to attend church. If it's forced upon him, he may want to move away from God later in life because he won't have experienced it in his heart..it will just simply be something he was told to believe in. I would be firm w/the grandmother politely asking her not to bring up the subject anymore. Tell her you love God, you love your son but it's not up to anyone else to tell you how to raise him. Best of luck to you!
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Permalink Reply by Jen Ellsworth on
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Easy, just say we do not go to church. This is a free country. Some people go to church some people do not. I believe in God and do not go to church. I raise my kids to believe in God. I am not going to have someone tell me how I have to believe in God or that I have to go to church. To many people here are answering your question about telling you that you should go to church instead of answering your question. I live in the bible belt where southern baptist takes things a little to seriously. I do not take things literally and I will no longer let people put me down that do. Tell her you do not go to church. You are two different people and that is that.
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Permalink Reply by Tami on -
We got this recently from my MIL, who proclaimed, "We are Protestants" but who does not attend church with any frequency, either. DH just said that we're teaching the kids our values, and they can explore their religious beliefs when they're old enough to do so.
We're not promoting one church over another--we believe that God is everywhere, and any connection you make is valid. As another mom said, your relationship with God is a personal one. Which means is yours to define, or not.
