how do you get men to understand menopause?

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Permalink Reply by Deshaan on May 12, 2009 at 5:25am

I am in perimenopause for different reasons., I also cannot take hormones, again for different reasons. Instead my docs have put me on anti depressants to at least manage the hormonal mood swings. It's been a god send. I have energy, I feel like my self. I'm not exhausted or yelling all the time....

I'm not sure how to handle your husband. Mine has been fairly understanding for the most part.

What is it that you want him to get? I mean the fact that you're not yourself, is probably pretty obvious to him. Not to mention that he's probably already overwhelmed by the cancer. Maybe he just can't handle anymore info right now.

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Permalink Reply by Angela Lynn Borho on May 12, 2009 at 9:53am

I know men and women deal with things different, maybe I'm expecting more compassion and understanding. My hubby is a fireman/paramedic and gone 24-48 hours so he is rarely home and I'm @ home to deal with our 3 kids and when he walks in and calls me crabby oh it just is insensitive to me. When I try to talk to him he just says I'm not gonna take it. Am I expecting to much?

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Permalink Reply by Tamma DeHart on May 14, 2009 at 9:19am

Humor always works in our home-
I joke with my hubby- "It's my inner child playing with matches again".
Find other girlfriends and make sure you get out.

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Permalink Reply by Cheryl Vargas on May 17, 2009 at 7:52am

I'm with Tamma, your husband's insensitivity doesn't seem to have any plans of going away. I'd start looking for support outside of your home since you can't count on it from him. It sounds like he wants to remove himself from your pain and anguish, you're gonna drive yourself crazy expecting him to change. Friends, other moms and other women with similiar issues are your best bet. Take care of yourself and good luck.

Tamma DeHart said:

Humor always works in our home-
I joke with my hubby- "It's my inner child playing with matches again".
Find other girlfriends and make sure you get out.

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Permalink Reply by Sheila Sullivan on May 18, 2009 at 3:23am

There are some physicians who are using bioidentical hormone replacement for women who have had breast cancer to help with the symptoms of perimenopause. There is a site you might want to take a look at it's The World Summit on BHRT. You do have to pay a small fee to listen to the doctors discuss the use of BHRT for many different conditions that are now known to be caused by hormone imbalances.

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Permalink Reply by Pamela Swan on May 18, 2009 at 4:46am

WOW, I am sorry to hear you have breast cancer.. and don't we all wish men had to experience that just for a day! Wow,, they would see things totally different! There is a Dr. by the name of John Lee MD and you can see some great info on his website, he has a really good book on breast cancer. Maybe you can use Arbonne's hormone Cream that has natural progesterone in it. I am with Arbonne, new though, but had just attended a class on this cream, and how Dr. Lee developed it as a physician and then had Arbonne make the cream for distribution to help others, because it meets their standards of pure. safe and beneficial. I am not trying to "sell" here, just wanted to give you some information.

I myself was wondering this weekend, why don't men get it? Really, we are the ones whose bodies sure seem to change! And it just feels how we feel.. not like we are that way on purpose! Looking forward to reading more on this discussion.. Thanks.. Pamela Swan

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Permalink Reply by Angela Lynn Borho on May 18, 2009 at 3:08pm

This is a reply to lana...I am somewhat disapointed you got such a huge laugh off my discussion on getting men to understand menopause. I'm curious, how old are you? I am only 37 with 3 kids, breast cancer and menopause that I can't take anything for. I sure hope you never go through what I have been through, however if you do I would not laugh about it........angie

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Permalink Reply by Lana on May 19, 2009 at 6:01am

I wasn't trying to be mean. I was saying that men are difficult to understand these things especially when it comes to female health. But Male Menopause exists and I thought maybe that would be the way to go. I apologize if it looked insensative. The question of how to get a man to understand is simply a big question. Women get women. Men don't get women. That was the thought. It was not my intention to be mean or spiteful. I am sorry if it come out that way.


Angela Lynn Borho said:

This is a reply to lana...I am somewhat disapointed you got such a huge laugh off my discussion on getting men to understand menopause. I'm curious, how old are you? I am only 37 with 3 kids, breast cancer and menopause that I can't take anything for. I sure hope you never go through what I have been through, however if you do I would not laugh about it........angie

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Permalink Reply by TheBag Lady on May 19, 2009 at 6:41am

Angela, I am a 2 year breast cancer survivor. I take tamoxifen which I assume you are on. It is difficult to deal with the symptoms of medically induced perimenopause. Too bad we can't take anything for it. I just read an article that said if you are having bad hot flashes etc. that was a sign that the medicine is working. Hopefully your husband will eventually get that you have a lot on your plate dealing with all that you have had of endure and the side effects of the medications. Hopefully he will start to get it sooner than later. I am 48 and other than losing my period I only have occasional hot flashes.

I am going to be the face of the 2009 American Cancer Societies Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Campaign in Central Ohio on October 25th. On www.thebag.com the ACS had me start a Community Of Support Survivors support group. It has just been recently started. Please post your concerns there so others in the same boat can weigh in and give you advice and support.

Good Luck,
Laurie, TheBag Lady

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Permalink Reply by Pastiche on May 19, 2009 at 12:02pm

I don't know if men can truly understand menopause if they don't understand menstruation, cramps, endometriosis and the whole suite of symptoms that can accompany those. I am fortunate in that I did not go through cancer or perimenopause, but I suffered with labor-strength cramps, migraines and heavy periods for 30 years along with depression and mood swings. Those all got much better after menopause, but during the change - which lasted more than 5 years for me - it was tough, at best, to try to "be normal" and to have my husband understand what was happening to me and to us. After the major symptoms subsided, the "other" stuff became more evident and I was really sad for awhile. I don't take hormones but tried all the natural supplements and diet changes. I still had horrid night sweats and hot flashes.I didn't "feel" like myself physically anymore, and well, sex was not the joy it once was in my life. I finally got some assistance and advice from my OB-GYN (a man, and a great doctor) so things are better. My husband has lived through this with me and weathered it fairly well - but he has no idea what this does to your body and your mind. He does finally sort of "get it" but some days I think he expects me to be 40 again - and I'm not.

I intend to make sure I'm there for my sisters and daughters when they have to deal with the process. My mother, unfortunately, was no help whatsoever, and I'm the oldest of 6 so I'm the "other mother" ...

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Permalink Reply by Angela Lynn Borho on June 22, 2009 at 9:36am

I am so glad you replied to this I am in St. Louis and i am writting a book and trying to start blogs to show there are real women with husbands and family to take care of while they go through cancer. I am so over the way hollywood glamorizes when a celebrity gets breast cancer! I just lost my job of 10 years because i was unable to come back within a year. It has been a year and a half since my bi-lateral mastectomy, i just had my seventh surgery in june 09, due to complications of the reconstruction. My first doctor after six surgeries wasn't sure what to do with the way I looked, so i had to find another, who I am so blessed to have found, i hope i am at the end and I hope i can keep my family together in the mean time. I am so shocked that most insurance companies do not cover the genetic testing, and shocked that i got fired from my job because I was battling cancer and reconstruction. I am trying to find a publisher for my book, and find a way to make it where I need to be to make a bill for the senate, so other young women don't have to worry about losing their job, or insurance not covering an important test, that way they can focus on healing and family.

TheBag Lady said:

Angela, I am a 2 year breast cancer survivor. I take tamoxifen which I assume you are on. It is difficult to deal with the symptoms of medically induced perimenopause. Too bad we can't take anything for it. I just read an article that said if you are having bad hot flashes etc. that was a sign that the medicine is working. Hopefully your husband will eventually get that you have a lot on your plate dealing with all that you have had of endure and the side effects of the medications. Hopefully he will start to get it sooner than later. I am 48 and other than losing my period I only have occasional hot flashes.

I am going to be the face of the 2009 American Cancer Societies Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Campaign in Central Ohio on October 25th. On www.thebag.com the ACS had me start a Community Of Support Survivors support group. It has just been recently started. Please post your concerns there so others in the same boat can weigh in and give you advice and support.

Good Luck,
Laurie, TheBag Lady

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