How Do Your Teach Your Kids to Deal with Differences?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by GILLIAN TALBOT on March 10, 2009 at 8:05pm

Wow, Judy! This is a massive question that merits a book (or several) for a reply.

Firstly, I think it is very important for difference to be recognised. Your child will notice it. Other children notice it. So we shouldn't gloss over it as if it didn't exist, as we were taught to do. This is my opinion based on my experience as an adoptive mother, a woman of colour, a mother of a child of colour who has had developmental difficulties.

You cannot foster understanding and acceptance unless you first have recognition. I guess first contact should go something like, "I notice you staring at that person. What's so interesting?" as opposed to "Don't stare! It's rude", as we were taught.

Teachable moments work best IMO, but it requires being very aware and paying a lot of attention to what your child does or says.

I'll comment later on anything more specific that is raised.

Gillian

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tee Wilson on March 10, 2009 at 8:23pm

The most important thing is to be an example of tolerance yourself. I see so many adults who are not sensitive to people who are different than they are, have different beliefs than they do or who don't fit into their "world" - it's hard to imagine that these same people are raising children and teaching them the same poor attitude about respecting and accepting other people's differences. Parents have to be careful about the comments they make around their children and their own actions before they can effectively teach their kids.

Secondly, parents shouldn't wait until the issue is unavoidable to discuss differences with their child. This should be apart of your conversations with your kids at home long before you are out in public or your child has to interact with someone who is different from them. Be honest and open with your kids - talk about racial differences, cultural differences, physical disabilities, mental disabilities, etc. Explain to your child that each person is unique and there are people in the world who have different life experiences than they do - but that everyone deserves respect and kindness. If you address this with your child naturally - as we do when we teach them about other socially acceptable norms, then perhaps it won't be difficult or awkward when a day comes that they are around someone different - it will be natural for them to accept them.

▶ Reply to This

▶ Reply to This