Is there a right age for a child to be able to stay home alone?
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The age gap between my boys is large - 8 months, 9 years and 19 (my step-son). For that reason, I have never left my 9 year old home alone. I left him alone for about 10 minutes and dropped the baby off at daycare, This is the first time ever that he was home alone. He was all excited. I told him not to answer the door or phone and stay in his room. Since I did not have to figure this out with my step-son, I am not sure when it is okay for my nine year old to be home alone.
What are your thoughts?
Is there a correct age that a child should be left home alone?
What about time length? A couple hours for errands? A work day? Overnight? What age would you allow your children to be home alone for each of these.
What are your thoughts?
Is there a correct age that a child should be left home alone?
What about time length? A couple hours for errands? A work day? Overnight? What age would you allow your children to be home alone for each of these.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by minnemom on -
I believe some states have laws about this, but here in MN there is no law. One county has published these guidelines, however: http://www.mnchildcare.org/pdfs/ramsey_county_supervision_guideline... It might give you a better idea.
Linda
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Permalink Reply by Kharmaisis on -
I have three boys (age 15, 12 & 6 - well they are all almost those ages) and my oldest I began to leave home when he was ready. Meaning, I asked him his comfort level on staying home alone and when he was 9 - he wasn't ready, when he was 10 he still wasn't ready but at 11 he finally said he was. Personally, I thought he was ready at 9 for the 30-45 minute stay home alone window but you really have to 1) know your kid - mine is a little immature outside of the house (school) but very mature in the house and cautious (overly so). 2) know you. if you are going to be hesitant and worried, DON'T do it! just like when they first got to school, they will temper tantrum if you show any signs of hesitancy leaving him/her. 3) talk about it a while before you actually do it.
My middle one is never alone (the older two are joined at the hip) and even though my youngest is only 5 right now- given his personality, I don't see leaving him home ANY TIME soon. Kids are different and I know there are some states with laws but I also think that is rediculous. Depends on the family and common sense.
Time length: I started with 15 min the first few times really and then moved to 30-45 and then a few hours or a workday. we still haven't done overnight alone really becuase we haven't had to.
Tips: if your child is too young for a cell phone, buy a "throw-away" one with some minutes on it and when you leave the house make him/her carry it on thier person with the volume turned up. At first I also had my son call me every 20 minutes - not becuase I was worried but it keeps them on thier toes and more aware of what is happening around them (they have to look at the time and not zone out on TV and know what is going on around the house). Also, I still occasionally wait about 5 or 10 minutes and then knock on the door and don't announce myself and see if he will open it (or come to the door which they are not allowed to do either, day nothing/do nothing). Luckily he never has.
Hope this helps!
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Permalink Reply by Kathleen on -
Hi Minemom!
Thanks for this! We're in MN too and have been struggling with this topic. Now if we could only get the six and almost nine year olds to stop fighting about who would be "in charge" when we leave.....
minnemom said:I believe some states have laws about this, but here in MN there is no law. One county has published these guidelines, however: http://www.mnchildcare.org/pdfs/ramsey_county_supervision_guideline... It might give you a better idea.
Linda
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Permalink Reply by Sharon Sherrod on -
I am in Georgia, and I worked as a child protective services worker with the Dept. of Family and Children Services back in 1996 - 1999. I have a Master's degree in Special Education with an emphasis in child development.
The "rules" we went by in the late 90's at DFCS was the maturity level of the child, was there something in place in case of an emergency - ie a neighbor nearby, does the child know how to dial 911, can the parent be reached by phone, can the child voice what to do in case of an emergency such as a fire - get out of the house, call 911 and give address - does child know his/her address, does child know other phone numbers in case parents numbers are not working for some reason.
They usually said around 12 to be able to babysit other children for about 8 hours - but again depending on the individual children.
You know your 9 year old, and know if he will be responsible and not do unsafe activities while you are away. Maybe start off with just a few minutes like you did and extend the time as he meets your expectations. Always tell him how proud you are that he followed your rules while you were away when he does.
I'm sure you know all of this, you just want some confirmation....: ) I hope that was helpful.
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Permalink Reply by Martha Scully on -
Last Sunday morning a friend of mine was heading out to grab eggs for breakfast and her 9 year old was whining that she didn't want to go, and insisted she could stay home alone. She is the youngest of 5 so they have never been in the position where noone else was home to look over her.
Mom said " Ok, here's your are you big enough to stay home alone test. What do you do when someone knocks on the door ? " Being the overly-socialized, no fear, youngest she replies " I answer it ! "
" Wrong Answer ! "
Mom asks, " What do you do if someone calls and asks for me ? " " I tell them you went to get eggs."
" Strike two ! "
" What happens if the dog has to pee ? " Mom asks. Proudly she answers " I take him to the trees."
" Strike three Kiddo get in the car ! "
Only you know your child best, but I believe legally in British Columbia it is 12 years old.
~ Martha
www.canadiannanny.ca ~ www.canadiansitter.ca
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Permalink Reply by MomofYoungProfessionals on -
First, check with your state law. Oregon (where we live) has tough ones about this. Nevada does too because my cousin's wife was "turned in" by her ex-husband when she left her sons alone after school before the time that their law said was legal. She had to go before some hearing on it. Yikes!
I will fully admit, I was a super-freak-a-noid when it came to my children's safety. But in this world, I feel we have to be. When my son was of the age that Oregon said he could be alone, I let him come home from school and stay by himself for 1.5 hours until I got home. The "rule" was that he had to call me the minute he got home, he had to do his homework first then his chores, then he could watch some t.v., leave the doors locked, and he should answer the phone (before the days of caller I.D. and/or cell phones and the call could have been me) but he was never to tell anyone that he was home alone but if they asked, his mom was "in the shower" and would call the caller back so he'd take a message.
I have always been a single mom but their father would pick them up for visitation so the question about when they could stay in a home other than ours was different for us. My kids could have sleep-overs ONLY after I met the parents and sometimes visited the home of their friends. This was VERY selective. But I encouraged my kids to invite their friends over for sleep-overs because then I had control of the situation and they got to have the fun.
I tested my kids (later when they both could stay at home alone) several times by putting on a fake voice calling them from work. I felt better knowing they were following my rules.
As mentioned before, my kids are older ones (all grown up). I have young nieces and nephews and I often worry about how much craziness is out there in the world. If anything, I'd probably be even more protective and careful and eeegad, shall I say it..."controlling" if I were raising kids in today's crazy world.
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Permalink Reply by Evangelia Biddy on -
This is such a difficult question based on so many variables. What kind of neighborhood you live in? For much of my young son's life we lived in a gated community or a limited access building where you had to have a key to get in. That limits who can even enter his space. Overnight is never a good idea even at the high school level, too much trouble, too much time for the wrong things to happen. Between 9-12 an hour or less to run to the dry cleaners and back, if a neighbor is close by. Review safety rules for fire and letting people in. Start with small time limits where you are close by and see how he handles the responsiblity. Set clear rules, is going outside ok, to a neighbor's house, does he have to check in via phone, how often. Start with very small steps. Can you talk to a neighbor outside for 20 minutes with your young person inside? As I learn more from moms of older boys I use to think that 9 or 10 was too young to be left home alone for a few hours, now I am learning that you never leave a teen boy home alone under any circumstances. The right age maybe 34 years old! What a great topic! www.juniorthemagazine.com.
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Permalink Reply by Lana on -
Hey everyone! Thanks for your thoughts on this topic! Small steps is the key. I know we have a long ways before he will be alone while I am at work. He will be in daycare until he can't be! But we are working on it.
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Permalink Reply by Alison DeCamp, Kate Bassett on -
I agree with just about everyone on the discussion post. And I think it mainly depends on the kid. Our 12-year-old doesn't like being home alone (although now we have the Great Dane puppy, she feels better about it, I think). Our ten-year-old son is just the opposite and is ready to have us move out and hand him the keys. We live in a rural area and although I'm a bit neurotic about safety, it just feels right to leave them for even a couple hours (we've done this once on our anniversary) when we're 10 minutes away and the cell phone is handy. Thank God for the cell phone.
www.cluckandtweet.com
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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on -
How timely - we are going through this as well. My 10 year old daughter is always wanting to be left at home when we drive her brother to activities. I'm usually okay with it, but my husband is a bit more nervous. We were lucky, this term her scool is offering a "home alone" course to better her prepare for being alone at home. She is loving the course. Next step... babysitting course - so she can look after her brother!
Roz
www.echoage.com
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Permalink Reply by Heidi Perkins on -
it all depends on your children... when my oldest was 12 he daycared his 2 sisters and 4 cousins for 2 hrs after school... we did have CSD come by for an unrelated mix up and they questioned the children and us and after the answers they got they had no problems... The children had strict rules and a list of safe people to contact. they could contact any of us at anytimes and I only worked 5 mins away. but it all depends on the maturaity level of the children the 6 girls ranged in age from 11 to 7. it has been a few yrs and now one of my girls watchs her brother after school till the oldest gets home. The only problem I have ever had is them calling to ask about snacks... I have raised my kids to be independent... and i trust them after of course they have answered questions correctly... now i'm down to my youngest and deciding when he will be ready... he weirdly enough is more mature at this age then the others were...
So it all depends on your comfort level, the childrens maturity, and precausions you have in place... Also whether the kids get along or not... you don't want to leave two kids that get on each others nerves home alone together... But once you are comfortable with it.. it makes life so much easier... no more grumpy kids at the store... and since becoming a single mom in the last few yrs.. i can really use a few minutes alone once in a while..
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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Doll on -
At 11 I used to stay home at night and watch my two younger brothers, who were 10 and 9. I was scared a lot because the dog next door used to walk on dry leaves and I thought it was someone walking down the side of the house.
My mum had a good friend who lived down the road, about 2 mins away and I had her number. I can't tell you how many times I called her to chat and she would make sure I was OK. By the time I was 12 it was no big deal. My mum was home between 10pm and 3am depending on what time she finished work so she was always there in the morning, although we were self sufficient and she was normally asleep until just before we left.
I think you have to look at each situation. Would I leave my son when he is 9 to go to the store for 45 mins during the day? Probably. But he would have to be able to dial my cell if he needed anything.
Overnight... well that's a different story. 15 and older and they can get up to way too much trouble and I am not sure I would leave a child younger than that alone overnight.
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