Poor mothers-in-law or poor daughters-in-law?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Allison Butt on December 3, 2009 at 4:54pm

My mother-in-law likes to act like she's my child's mother. She will do everything, and at first it's kind of nice, but then she goes overboard an does things without asking me. Or try to make me feel bad when he runs to her instead of to me. It's almost like it's a competition with her, who does the kiddo like best. Um, I'm sorry, but Momma is always going to win that competition.

I do my best to step back and let her have time with the kiddo, but she's crossed some lines that should not be crossed. Like inviting herself on our trip to Disney when we eventually decide to go - which is years away, our son isn't even 2 yet. Drives me crazy.

But I do have to say that she is one of the most loving and generous people that I've ever met. And she did a great job raising my husband. She's just a little over involved.

alli-n-son.com

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by lemontzz_aide on December 4, 2009 at 9:28am

Hi Kat,

We all need to pay attention - because guess what? They were us at this stage. We're going to be mothers-in-law one day (some women already are)!!

Many mothers-in-law love their children but clearly do not respect them, their space, their right to a life made with their decisions & choices. Too many are 'know it alls' - many want (!!) to 'show up' their in-law children. It can't be a coincidence that this problem area is so common.

We have to learn, otherwise one day we could lose our children. We have to respect them if we wish to be with our children (& grandchildren) one day. Want to part of the Holidays & special occasions in future - then, learn NOW.

This is a quotation I came across (May) & emailed to some friends at the time.
Subject: quotation, old age
The best security for old age: respect your children - Sholem Asch

This (respect gene) is clearly missing in the vast majority of mother-in-law situations.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Peggy Gorman on December 4, 2009 at 12:35pm

I had a very good MIL,she was the best and I lost her when I was pregnant with baby #4 and her only granddaughter. She never got to see her and when Sarah was born I gave her middle name of her grandmother.
I have a daughter in law and we were talking on Thanksgiving and my son said something about having a DIL and I told him ,"I don't have a DIL I have a daughter,making it 2 daughters"
If both try it will work . I don't take sides,get in their business or just show up uninvited. Respect and love them and you will get the love and respect back.
Life is too short ,love ,enjoy each others company .
Have a wonderful Holiday

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by TAP on December 8, 2009 at 7:15am

Very insightful and I totally agree!

lemontzz_aide said:

Hi Kat,

We all need to pay attention - because guess what? They were us at this stage. We're going to be mothers-in-law one day (some women already are)!!

Many mothers-in-law love their children but clearly do not respect them, their space, their right to a life made with their decisions & choices. Too many are 'know it alls' - many want (!!) to 'show up' their in-law children. It can't be a coincidence that this problem area is so common.

We have to learn, otherwise one day we could lose our children. We have to respect them if we wish to be with our children (& grandchildren) one day. Want to part of the Holidays & special occasions in future - then, learn NOW.

This is a quotation I came across (May) & emailed to some friends at the time.
Subject: quotation, old age
The best security for old age: respect your children - Sholem Asch

This (respect gene) is clearly missing in the vast majority of mother-in-law situations.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ECHOage on December 8, 2009 at 7:27am

I think respect is the operative word here.
It is true many of us will be MILs one day. I think family is an important link in the chain of happiness and good fortune and we should try to be more respectful of one another's differences if we are going to be able to provide a healthy family for our children to grow up in.
Nothing is perfect, there will be some terrible MILs- but see if you can rise above the small things and learn to embrace the good things. Maybe some MILs will be able to learn a few things from us!
Good luck.
Roz
www.echoage.com

TAP said:

Very insightful and I totally agree!

lemontzz_aide said:

Hi Kat,

We all need to pay attention - because guess what? They were us at this stage. We're going to be mothers-in-law one day (some women already are)!!

Many mothers-in-law love their children but clearly do not respect them, their space, their right to a life made with their decisions & choices. Too many are 'know it alls' - many want (!!) to 'show up' their in-law children. It can't be a coincidence that this problem area is so common.

We have to learn, otherwise one day we could lose our children. We have to respect them if we wish to be with our children (& grandchildren) one day. Want to part of the Holidays & special occasions in future - then, learn NOW.

This is a quotation I came across (May) & emailed to some friends at the time.
Subject: quotation, old age
The best security for old age: respect your children - Sholem Asch

This (respect gene) is clearly missing in the vast majority of mother-in-law situations.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by TAP on December 8, 2009 at 10:02am

I wish I could copy and paste that blog to my MIL - my MIL i mean Monster in law right now... she is a good person underneath and has helped us but right now she is hurting us. She can't seem to realize her son is a person and that in my opinion is mostly because of their codependancy on eachother. She wants the drama, wants to feel needed, wants to be the shoulder he cries on... well I WANT TO BE THAT TOO so back out woman! I want to tell her "You are messing with the wrong woman if you mess with me! " I can pull away and she won't get to be a part of our life much at all!
Anyway... We recently had a big falling out at a few family functions. While I made stupid comments and behaved wrong and have apologized in many ways, I also believe I was wronged in some ways too and neither one of them will see that because nothing is ever their fault. Then I got tired of the constant monitoring on her part of my facebook page. So I "defriended" her. She wrote me some baiting email and copied it to my hubby (her little boy). No response from me! So then I find that she's blocked me on facebook. How mature !
I just want peace and am tired of the drama. So many better things to focus on in life. Heck I'd rather focus on Tiger Woods drama ! haha.

ECHOage said:

I think respect is the operative word here.
It is true many of us will be MILs one day. I think family is an important link in the chain of happiness and good fortune and we should try to be more respectful of one another's differences if we are going to be able to provide a healthy family for our children to grow up in.
Nothing is perfect, there will be some terrible MILs- but see if you can rise above the small things and learn to embrace the good things. Maybe some MILs will be able to learn a few things from us!
Good luck.
Roz
www.echoage.com

TAP said:

Very insightful and I totally agree!

lemontzz_aide said:

Hi Kat,

We all need to pay attention - because guess what? They were us at this stage. We're going to be mothers-in-law one day (some women already are)!!

Many mothers-in-law love their children but clearly do not respect them, their space, their right to a life made with their decisions & choices. Too many are 'know it alls' - many want (!!) to 'show up' their in-law children. It can't be a coincidence that this problem area is so common.

We have to learn, otherwise one day we could lose our children. We have to respect them if we wish to be with our children (& grandchildren) one day. Want to part of the Holidays & special occasions in future - then, learn NOW.

This is a quotation I came across (May) & emailed to some friends at the time.
Subject: quotation, old age
The best security for old age: respect your children - Sholem Asch

This (respect gene) is clearly missing in the vast majority of mother-in-law situations.

▶ Reply to This

▶ Reply to This

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page