Spanking. Do you believe in it? Why or why not? And if so, how do you decide when is it time for one?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michelle Hutchison on July 2, 2009 at 1:31am

I agree.

Michelle Blandy said:

This is quite a controversial subject :) I was spanked when I was young, and I've chosen to not spank my daughter under any circumstances. There was a national report published recently on the effects of physical punishment.
The research supports several conclusions:
There is little research evidence that physical punishment improves children's behavior in the long term.
There is substantial research evidence that physical punishment makes it more, not less, likely that children will be defiant and aggressive in the future.
There is clear research evidence that physical punishment puts children at risk for negative outcomes, including increased mental health problems.
There is consistent evidence that children who are physically punished are at greater risk of serious injury and physical abuse.

Here's the web page with the full report and tips for effective discipline:
http://www.phoenixchildrens.com/about/community-outreach-education/...

I hope this helps!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Amy B on July 2, 2009 at 5:23am

I just can't agree with spanking, even when I'm at my wits end with my own 3.5 yr old son. I too have thought what else can I do when sometimes nothing seems to work - but spanking only teaches that hitting is ok - they are so impressionable at this age and my son is very black and white, extremely literal. So I tend to get down to his level and will take away whatever is the most important thing for him in that moment, or the typical time-out. I try to only use the time-out for big stuff so that it's not used too much. And when I do time-out I do not talk to him, which drives him nuts, so it's a big motivator for us. I feel for you though, as I also have a 14 month old who's non-stop action and it's hard.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ann M Obrecht on July 2, 2009 at 7:26am

I was spanked as a child and have never thought twice about it. I believe certain children react differently to different types of punishment. In other words, it may work for one and not the other. I too, use it as a last resort and now that my boys are older, we don't spank often. I think for something that may have caused either themselves or someone else harm, that may be a justification for spanking, especially since you have been doing all the other options. My oldest is now 14 and taking away TV, video games, and name brand clothes seem to work. Yes, I know that sounds odd, but he is all about image at this point and the clothes actually worked much better than anything else. As a reward, he got piece by piece back.

I think every child is different and you have to try and do what works best for your child. Good luck with this issue. I think most of us have been through this.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Raquel on July 2, 2009 at 12:08pm

I don't believe I spanking. That is just for a person who can't use there words. Your hand is for trust and Love . No child learns from spanking. (Long term) Plus, you are stronger. How is that fair.. Time outs still work as long as your consistant.Big time consisant. That bike should be taken away for 3 days and then him some where where lots of kids are riding there bikes.Explain when he listens he can ride again. Then let him ride. If he doesn't listen again Take the bike away (repeat) it will work !!!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MariLee Parrish on July 3, 2009 at 3:32pm

Hi Meg,

I talked to my doctor about this one, too! She recommends that any time a child is in immediate danger (in your case...riding his bike into the street where you can't see him) a spanking gives your child a clear, quick message to help him realize that what he did was a serious offense and he was in danger. I do not like to spank and I don't unless my son puts himself in danger. For instance, a few months ago my 2 year old opened up a kitchen drawer and pulled out a butcher knife. (We didn't realize he was tall enough to reach it yet!) He got a quick spank....and he has never done it again. I told my doctor all about it and she said that was the right thing to do.

Those are my 2 cents!

~MariLee

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kimberly Perreira on July 3, 2009 at 9:12pm

I have been there. I have twin 3.5 girls and a 5.5 son. Honestly, I spanked once. It didn't help the situation at all, I felt horrible, and it was more about my frustration than his behavior. Since then I have found Love and Logic. It is an amazing parenting approach that I absolutely LOVE. It is effective and actually makes parenting fun! I believe than when you hit, you teach them how to hit. I could not resolve the conflict of saying "I Love You, now I am going to hurt you because your actions were wrong." Its makes me cringe just thinking of it. What would we say to a grown woman whose husband was telling her that? My heart wouldn't let me spank. I am grateful that I found Love and Logic. I highly recommend it to all parents, and I have read a ton (at least 15) different parenting approaches. Good luck.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD on July 3, 2009 at 9:22pm

Decades of social science theory and research have generated several explanations for why physical punishment is likely to have few intended positive effects any many unintended negative effects.

Spanking does not teach children why their behavior is wrong or what they should do in stead

Spanking interferes with parents' intended message. The pain and fear associated with physical punishment interferes with children's perception and accentance of parents' disciplinary message and thus their internalization of that message.

Spanking teaches children that they should behave in desired ways because if not they will be punished, not because there are important, positive reasons for behaving appropriately. Consequently, when the threat of punishment is not present, there is no reason to behave appropriately.

Spanking models for children that it is acceptable to use aggression to get their way, especially if they are bigger or more powerful than the other person.

Spanking increases the likelihood that children will attribute hostile intentions to others in social situations that, in turn, increase the likelihood that they will behave aggressively in social interactions.

Spanking causes children to be afraid of their parents. Such fear can erode the parent-child relationship and causes children to avoid their parents.

Spanking teaches children to link violence with loving relationships.

Report on Physical Punishment in the United States.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer,PhD
www.drdorothy.net

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Andrea Tannouri on July 6, 2009 at 2:46am

I agree with Dr Dorothy!

Spanking teaches children to FEAR you. Is that what you want? If you are dealing with a child with difficult behaviors, try LOVE. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEOqXMOWzcE if you need help.

Love Never Fails!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lori Radun on July 6, 2009 at 5:50am

I would definitely take the bicycle away for a period of time. For a young child, only 1 or 2 days can have impact, especially if he rides his bike everyday. A great book I highly recommend reading is "Building Character Skills in the Out of Control Child" by Dr. Partridge. Don't let the title mislead you; it's all about using discipline to build character skills in your child from a young age. Dr. Partridge does not advocate spanking, but he is a firm disciplinarian. I have been using the techniques with my strong willed 7 year old boy, and it's working. Consistency, consistency, consistency! Hang in there! I know it's rough raising children, especially strong willed boys. I have two of them! :)

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by anne on July 6, 2009 at 9:19am

Oh my oh my! What can I say?

Tamara Garcia said:

Meg,

I am not sure what your beliefs are but I am a firm believer that every answer about our lives is in the bible. I have three boys 11,8, and 6 and I have spanked them all for being disrespectful and disobedient. I will not spare my boys. Depending on what the case may be I take away things they like, at times I warn them, and at times I will spank them. I must admit that now at the ages that my boys are, I have not had to spank them for sometime now because the lessons are learned and they know the consequences. I see too many times now where children are the parents and the parents are the children. That is why there are so many children disrespecting their parents now. We have become relaxed in disciplining our children that they are out of control. One thing I will ALWAYS do and suggest that you do the same is not just be the parent but make sure you stress to your children that you are also their friends. You don't ever want your children to feel that they can not come to you because you are always frustrated with them. I tell my boys everyday that we are friends and let me know that they can come and talk to me about anything and I will not judge them but will talk to them as I would my friend.

I also make sure that whenever I discipline my boys by spanking them that I explain before hand why I am going to spank them and inform them that they are not bad but chose to make a wrong choice. Now, after I spank them I tell them that I love them and if I didn't I would just leave them to carry on with their bad choices and teach them nothing. Be strong and stay committed to be a parent and you should never feel sorry for spanking your children. There are great lessons in life to be learned and they are depending on you to help them get through them. I want to leave you with a few scriptures versus in hopes that they will give you comfort. Like I said before; I am cautious where I receive my information from and feel that the only TRUE answers in this life is in the GREAT BOOK!!

Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)."
Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."
Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Prov 23:13: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."
Prov 23:14: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel)."
Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

www.dviministry.org

Peace be with you.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by anne on July 6, 2009 at 9:22am

Don't forget the great series Supernanny Meg!
You can checkout her website at www.supernanny.co.uk. She's done wonders for unruly kids. Don't worry too much.Your toddler is only doing what ALL toddlers do.Just be firm when you talk to them,look them in the eye, explain why they shouldn't ride off on you and explain that there will be consequences (ie: no bike riding for a day) if they do so again.
Good luck

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Hurt on July 6, 2009 at 11:27am

I guess it depends on the child and parent, however, I totally believe in spanking, but only when necessary. I have a friend who doesn't believe in spanking. I hate to say this because it sound terrible but he is disrespective, wild and often out of control child. I was watching him the other day in our home and he raised his voice to me and chewed me out for making a noise in the kitchen because he was holding our cat in the living room and the cat left his lap when I made the noise. After giving me "what for" he left the kitchen and sat back down in the living room. I followed him and told him I did not take that kind of talk from my children and I would not accept that from him. I told him he was not allowed to talk to adults like that in my home and he better not do it again or he would not be welcome. I had a raised voice and spoke firmly to him. His eyes got big and I definately got his attention.

This boy is almost 9 and can totally understand disrespect. Though I would never spank another persons child and probably would not spank my child for talking like that to me, I would and have spanked them for doing what your son did, going too far from me, especially on purpose. Hitting another child or adult, throwing stuff, throwing fits. Just be careful when spanking. I have one great piece of advice on spanking.......NEVER spank a child when you are furious, walk away, take deep breaths and calm down. Believe it or not, children get that they did something very wrong when you are so angry you have to walk away.

I think the thing you have to decide on is how important to you that he listens to your particular discipline. In other words, is it really important to you for your son to not have hime ride his bike too far from you? Is it worth the spanking?

Good Luck,
Rebecca

▶ Reply to This

▶ Reply to This

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last