Their First Love
What does one do when your teenager is wraped up in their first love? I have taken the attitude of walking a fine line, I remind myself that we have a great open mother child relationship (ha! maybe when they were 5) clearly i suffer from a delusional disorder.
In any event I have let my inner MN out (mommy ninja) with this new found power I can now subtle pry, ask questions without being obviously intrusive, sneek around with limited eavesdropping capabilites and super vision which I sometime use to read over one's shoulder while on computer.
Mom's I hope you don't think less of me now that I have reveal my dark side to on going saga of "The First Love" of a teenager. In my defence I am trying to prep myself for heart break, confusion, sex, and the on going drama of a teen. Good luck to all....
In any event I have let my inner MN out (mommy ninja) with this new found power I can now subtle pry, ask questions without being obviously intrusive, sneek around with limited eavesdropping capabilites and super vision which I sometime use to read over one's shoulder while on computer.
Mom's I hope you don't think less of me now that I have reveal my dark side to on going saga of "The First Love" of a teenager. In my defence I am trying to prep myself for heart break, confusion, sex, and the on going drama of a teen. Good luck to all....
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Joanna Trusdle on -
Hi Rox - How old is your teen? Boy or girl? I am also in the same boat. My daughter is 15, and has been with this boy a year - on and off - but definitely on now. She's not going out on dates - no way. I also am giving great consideration to sitting down with him and his father and laying out my expectations. I sort of like him. He seems mature for a 16 year old - jobs, college goals and plans, etc., but at the same time, I really don't want any boy anywhere near my daughter! I listen in to conversations and sometimes ask questions about what I heard. I am constantly on her about sex and its relevance to her future. At the moment, she and this boy are talking about living together once they start college. Ugh!!! You know, the more I think about it, I am going to have that conversation!!
-
Permalink Reply by Beth G. Sanders on -
I'm the mom of 2 girls, 17 and 21.
Think of it as a training ground for future relationships. It's not always negative or scary, at least it doesn't have to be. Be grateful that the first one is happening right under your nose so you can monitor the situation and know early on if it becomes unhealthy. Don't freak out about little things and keep the lines of communication open.
A great question to ask is - what things do you argue about? That can sometimes provide insights into trouble spots. I also make it very clear that everything about the relationship *is* my business. As long as she lives under my roof, nothing is off-limits to me. This has for the most part not been necessary as both my girls have been pretty open with me all along.
Finally - and I'm speaking now mostly to parents of girls. Do not treat the boy shabbily. Not every boy is trying to get into your daughter's pants. Sure, they are guys, but there are some good, decent ones out there. Start with trust, be clear and firm about the rules and let them know in no uncertain terms you will not be shy about enforcement.
Treat them as you would hope that his family would treat your daughter. Remember, he's someone's child too. Fear and intimidation tactics accomplish little other than to turn him into Eddie Haskell. Instead, show interest in him as a person, get to know him and learn what makes him tick. After all, your child sees something special in him.
-
Permalink Reply by Roxanne on -
thank you for the great advice, i will keep that in mind. i think the key is to keep the communication going
-
Permalink Reply by Roxanne on
-
Your sister was wise, I have said to my son that we are here to pick him up and dust him of if he falls, we are here to take care of his cuts and bruises, and when life seems blurry we are here to clear it up.
Kelly Luzod-Jones said:I'm a mom of 2 boys 3 1/2 years and 7 months so I'm far from any advice and I empathize as I will likely head down that road myself one day. I can however, share my sister's stories. She survived two teenage girls who started dating at 15...to make a long story short, she told me she went against every moral fiber in her body to be open and honest with her girls about sex, love, and heartbreak. She kept the lines of communication open and non-judgmental. In the end, the girls had their hearts broken but because their parents were amazing, they didn't break for long.
Very "oprah" approach but I hope it helps even a little.
Announce yourself!
© 2010 Created by Megan Calhoun
