Trouble in SCHOOL

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Permalink Reply by Serena Ellis on September 10, 2009 at 12:10am

I understand this problem and I think all students feeling not good first day in school. My friends son also in same situation. Teachers can help the children in school. You can give him some favorite things to eat. Sprachreise England

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Permalink Reply by Tina Ranieri on September 11, 2009 at 2:09am

Hello!
You probably dont want to hear this, but not minding authority figures is not caused by odd or adhd.
That behavior is called mimicking his parents, children are little tape recorders/video recorders of
all that they see us doing and saying through their entire lives.

And this also sounds like first week gitters, give him more time to adjust.
Speak to him calmlyand using a soft tone of voice, about how to make friends,
if you are upset over everything he will be too.

Speak calmly to hist teachers and principal too. And use a soft tone of voice
to calm them down too, keep the power in your court, stay calm even if you want
to scream, take some deep breaths, always pause before you speak to his teachers and the staff,
pause to take the time to think. Theres no need to adress their concerns with more upset.

He didnt murder any one.

I say bravo for him, I think you have a very bright child on your hands more than you or he has issues of odd and adhd. A very bright child has no patience for busy work or being bossed around by those bossy types that are being bossy for bossys sake. Gifted children are know for getting bored easily in a typical classroom situation and are know to tell their teachers they think that they or the school work is stupic or redundent.
A very bright child cant sit still, they are not like a child that is dull in the senses and happy to just sit there, they must constantly be getting into things-taking thing apart or creating things or playing oudoors- or on a team sport or they will find trouble to get in to.

I do not believe in these kinds of labels and I believe they do more harm than good, I would look at it from this new point of view.

Also so a child needs needs to know how to calm or quiet himself at times too.
As you would for being in church or temple or synogogue or what ever your religion is.
And thi is another thing he get from his parents and that it is up to you to teach him.
A bright child needs to have these teachings too.
95% of kids labeled as such have not gotten close individual time with each parent while coming up in the world. He need a regular bed time and read stories to him each night. Routine is another key.
He needs close one on one attention from each parent, teach him to make things or do crafts.
And do this on a certain day every week. Teach him to throw a football or play kickball every saturday for a couple hours. Tuesdays after school for an hour, try a new craft or something he interested in each week.
Structure, routine and close affection and attention. Lots of I love you's and hugs.
Not only does this give him the calm and closenes he desires and needs but it gives him, his mind that is hungry for new knowledge, time to get that too.

Teach him how to do things for others too not always him receiving. When my kids were younger than your son, I taught them a game, it just giving a back scratch or rub to someone.
We turned on the radio to some soft music-radio and we all sat on the floor in a line.
The first person gets to rest, and the last person doesnt have any one scratching his back, but you start when a song begins and when the song is over you are done. The person at the front of the line, goes to the back of the train. They can scratch up and down, draw circles, zig zags and we played this for 30 minutes or so. We even played with neighborhood kids and relatives, its great for rainy days too. We'd play in under the carport and bring out the radio and we'd have sometime a train of 15 kids going, and the kids are in their 20s now and they still talk about it and practice it with their college room mates to calm and do things for others.
The human touch is the greatest thing and many dont get a hug every day or a tender touch depending on the homes they grew up in. And parents need it too. We did it at church and girl scouts, boys and girls alike.

Th other element I would teach him and will be good for you to is how to meditate. This is one of the first things I taught my kids to do.
I told them they could sit up in a comfortable chair or lay down onthe floor or couch.
I would light a candle, and a little bit of incense. oft music nothing you sing along with.
Ritual or routine also calms the mind and gets it ready to calm
when it can see what is coming ahead of time, and on a regular basis.
Another hint for dealing with your on, talk to him tell him what the days going on will be, what i next and what you expect him to do at a given time.
Back tmeditation...
no talking at all during this time, no playing or fidgeting no tv no phones that goes for everyone.
and eyes closed
they could thinkabout what ever thay wanted, butifit made them upset or I asked them to gently see themselves walking to the trach can and putting that feeling in it
and get back to just calmly resting and just letting thoughts drift in and backout again
thats all
My kids laughed at firt sit for hours? then they thaughtit would be cool too.
We started with 30 seconds the first day. whenit was over they were bummed out,they wanted more.
But we did 30 seconds all week then next week we did 45 seconds then 1 minute then 2 minute, we did 1 hour in the end at a time. You can set a timer or play soft music that you know ends at a given amount of time too.
I explaned to my kids after we got up to 5 minute or so, that prayer is when we are asking for what we want. Meditation is when we receive our answers. They thought that wa the coolest thing and it is too! I explained to them that when we get too buy during our days, we dont think so clearly, that our guardians angels or spirits or god or whom ever you pray to cannot get the answers to us about what to do during the day cos we are too busy thinking too much. Do this 4-7 times a week.
I have 3 children 2 that some teachers wanted me to have taken to the doctor for the reason.

I knew right away what was lacking whenI thought about it.
I worked full time, I was too buy to be bothered with the details and dad
was unavailable as an alcoholic, so he was no help or comfort when mom, me was away at work.
A loud noisy home environment, dad kept lights on all night litening to loud rock music.

An hour or two before bedtimes, turnoff extra light, baths, turn down volumes on tv or music
no fussing or bickering anymore and that meant mom and dad too. no phone calls


Routine at bed time, music and tvs off, pick out a book for each of my kids
jammies, brush the teeth, then prayers
then story then light out
once kid are in bed...no laughing out loud or making it sound like too much fun taying up
or kids wont stay in bed

I also have worked as a counselor for many year too.
good luck

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Permalink Reply by Laura Folos on September 11, 2009 at 2:57am

I understand your frustration-seriously, I do.

If academics are too high, legally, special education is NOT an option. (I'm a special ed teacher..) There needs to be a 2 standard deviation gap between his scores and where they should be. If he's not 2 deviations below, well, there goes special ed. There are other ways...If the ADHD or ODD are getting in the way, there is the 504, or the IEP for behavior reasons, but IEPs are more academic. You may want to push the issue of the 504 type thing, because suspending a first grader-that's just drastic. They first may want to address it in the classroom. Is his teacher working with you on a rewards based system? That would be my first thing-my ADHD/behavior child responds to "If you get so many stickers, you get a prize..." Has he had the RSP teacher before? Is there an option where you can NOT send him for minimum days? I know I had students in years past that didn't come for minimum days because it was more of a behavior trigger (no lunch, ect.). The other thing I would suggest is getting a parent advocate. If the school is being this sticky, you need someone besides yourself in the room having the conversations with the principal and teachers. Just another set of ears. It can be anyone you choose.

Good luck. Feel free to message me if you need anything. I've dealt with this a ton of times!
Laura

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Permalink Reply by Sara Broers on September 11, 2009 at 8:09am

I also know the feeling. My son has tourettes, odd, and adhd- He is now 14, in 9th Grade and not on meds. But, I can tell you he was on meds for several years and they did help! He has outgrown some of his issues and more importantly, he has learned how to handle himself when these circumstances occur. I would give the meds a chance and by all means, work with your child's school. Let them know you will support them and you will be an advocate for your child. Believe me, we've had some rough times with our son....And, I am also sure that new challenges will occur. So many meds have gotten a bad rap, and they can be harmful to our kids when they are not monitored. It is extremely important to keep those Dr. appointments and follow the dosages on the prescriptions. Good Luck!

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Permalink Reply by Jacqui Stewart on September 11, 2009 at 1:23pm

I was in denial that my daughter was ADD/ADHD. I felt this was completely over diagnosed and a waste of my time to think about it. I tried modifying her diet, etc and nothing worked. I was so ready to crawl into a corner and cry because I couldn't get my own daughter to listen to me or her teachers. She is a VERY intelligent child, scoring much higher than average on her Measurement of Academic Progress (MAP) for her age group. She is now in the 3rd grade. Her father and I completed forms that the Dr sent us for each of our households and had the teacher complete forms as well for ADD. There was NO deviation. All three said the same thing. I mean heck, when she was in Kindergarten, she put paper in the school heater for fun.. Ugghhh. We didn't know what to do. Well, this past April, after almost three years in school we put her on meds. I was worried about side effects. We lucked out, the first medication we tried worked wonders and she is doing a thousand times better. When your child tells you themselves that they can't control what they do, you have to listen to them.

So you may not want to hear this, but maybe try the medications out to see how your child does. My DD's Dr explained it like this. Everyone has a control tower, some peoples don't activate while most other's do. You need to charge it up to get it to activate. That made complete sense to me. I don't give her the meds every day. Depends on what we are doing and if I need her to be able to focus and not act like she has no manners. She is still a very happy child, laughing, playing and has a great time. I asked her how she feels with the medication. Her answer? "In control of myself". That tells me that I did the right thing for her, not for me.

With the medication, you won't have to worry about suspension. Unless homeschooling is an option if you don't have problems with him at home?

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Morales on September 11, 2009 at 1:35pm

Thank you for your advice i have cut the juice out and only allow him to drink water at night, i will see what happens

Christy Pinheiro said:

My son is hyperactive (like I was as a child) and we have had really good luck just by modifying his diet. I am totally against drugs, too.

It started working right away. Although he is still really active, the tantrums have just about stopped.

No more juice (only one juice box per day, maybe), no candy, no ice cream, no soda of any kind, and lots of fruit and vegetables as snacks. No refined suger or cakes or anything like that, either. When we go out to eat, I only order plain pasta with sauce or a sliced chicken breast for him. It's made a world of difference, and his appetite is still really good, but the behavioral problems have really gone away.

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Permalink Reply by Mom's Most Wanted on September 12, 2009 at 10:11am

My oldest son had ADHD as a child and it has morphed into ADD. He is 17 years old. I did not medicate him and modified his diet instead. Did you know that milk is an energy booster for ADHD children. One way I modified his diet was to cut milk and milk products out of his diet after say 3 pm. That way, by bedtime, he would actually go to bed. I also did not allow caffeinated products or too much candy when he was little.

As far as school is concerned, I have 2 other special needs younger children. One with chronic kidney disease, stage 3 and one with Asperger's. What I did with my Asperger's child is that when it came to "meet the teacher day," I scheduled a time with the teacher to meet with me and Little K alone. I knew that it would help him ease the transition because he was able to meet her first and see his classroom without other distractions of other parents. I know it is a little too late for that right now, but perhaps it may be a good idea for future reference.

Both of my youngest children are on 504 plans. I had to really push the schools to get them on the plan. For my Aspie, it allows him to use a wedge to sit on and a band for the feet of his chair so that he can stay focused. A 504 plan can always evolve into an IEP when/if your son's education is being affected by his behavior. When my Aspie child was in kindergarten, I actually had to change schools because the school wouldn't recognize that he had a form of autism and wanted to label him as a "problem child." As a matter of fact, they literally lost him 3 times! (He was a wanderer.) It has been battle after battle with the schools, but what it ultimately comes down to is that you are your child's only advocate. If you aren't getting the results you feel your child needs, my advise - first get a diagnosis from a doctor, then if the school does not accommodate your son's needs, head up the chain of command. It takes time, patience and a lot of strength on your part, but in the end it is worth it. Because of all the "fighting" I have done for my children, they now get what they need in order to succeed in school.

I also do not allow my children's medical conditions to be used as crutches. They get in trouble just like a "normal" child would and I give them as "normal" a life as I can. ODD and ADHD children can have issues with change. In my experience with my teen, it is those children that become leaders and not so much followers. With proper guidance on how to effectively express frustration in an acceptable manner, To look at my teen today, you would never know that he was once considered a "problem child" in school.

Stephanie Morales said:

Thank you for your advice i have cut the juice out and only allow him to drink water at night, i will see what happens

Christy Pinheiro said:

My son is hyperactive (like I was as a child) and we have had really good luck just by modifying his diet. I am totally against drugs, too.

It started working right away. Although he is still really active, the tantrums have just about stopped.

No more juice (only one juice box per day, maybe), no candy, no ice cream, no soda of any kind, and lots of fruit and vegetables as snacks. No refined suger or cakes or anything like that, either. When we go out to eat, I only order plain pasta with sauce or a sliced chicken breast for him. It's made a world of difference, and his appetite is still really good, but the behavioral problems have really gone away.

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Permalink Reply by Melissa Kinard on September 14, 2009 at 5:34am

My 13 yr old daughter has always struggled in school on a day to day basis despite scoring in top 1-3% on every standardized test she has ever taken.We have chosen to accept that grades are not a measure of ones learning.My husband has dyslexia and she has been tested for that,negative.She has been labeled as ADD,we were against medication as it never helped my 21 yr old son,similar learner pattern.Well,my daughter herself asked for meds this yr since she could not be on cheer squad due to grades and also is a great softball player so she wants the grades up for spring.The first one was new,Focalin,and her rt foot then leg went numb...headaches...stomach upset.Swithched to Strattera,which apparently only helps teen girls.So far,so good,but she does seem a bit subdued when we are used to a more vocal child.I hope it is not going to squelch her high spiritedness so far,but we will see if these grades really will improve.

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Permalink Reply by Jessica Stern on September 14, 2009 at 6:54am

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, and we were offered the medication option, and chose to pursue the diagnosis a bit with a neuropsychologist. She tested my daughter and said, yes, she has ADHD, but it is stress-induced. The school is causing the stress, if you can possibly change the school, do it.

We moved my daughter to a private school this year and she is much happier. She actually likes going to school now.

Don't give up on your son. You are his best advocate. Get a recommendation for a neuropsychologist and get him tested properly. The neuropsych will either help you get what your son needs in public school, or help you choose another school environment that will be better suited to your son's personality.

As to the person who said the child is mimicking the parent, that's a party line I often heard when my daughter was out of control due to stress, lack of sleep, and so on. You bet I screamed and cried a lot. Stress will do that to you. Every child is different and a challenging child is very stressful fo all concerned. Don't be so quick to blame the parents: we did everything the school experts and books told us to and they made the situation worse, not better.

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Permalink Reply by Healthy Mom on September 14, 2009 at 10:23am

I would really recommend you seek out a therapist who has good success with boys this age sometimes a outside person can find out what is his real issue with school. Sounds like is has something to do with leaving you. ( I have a therapy back round and no judgments should be made until a therapist has a chance to find out your observations and comments from the staff at school and your sons feelings and impressions)

I also would try positive goal sheets you can work with the teacher to log the sheets so he can have a reward after school. you can find more info on these at my website. Http://junkfoodkids.com under manners and tips.
Keep positive thoughts your hard work will pay off. Never give up, he is to precious and you know better than anyone how special he is.
Sometimes private school can offer better solutions as well. Look for a school has experience with ODD and ADHD sometimes people know a little but not enough to be really helpful.

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Permalink Reply by Healthy Mom on September 14, 2009 at 10:25am

I also forgot there is a great program out there for ADHD called Cogmed this program really helps. It does not use medication but makes a big difference.

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Permalink Reply by Ashley Lippincott on September 14, 2009 at 11:19am

Hi! What a great question! So many parents struggle with this very issue. I am a counselor, working with Kindergarten thru 8th grade. I know how frustrating it can be when the school reports behaviors that you just aren't seeing at home. If you're interested, I have a blog ( www.ashleylippincott.com ) that covers a lot of these school related concerns. In fact, tomorrow's post will be about this (I've already posted for today). If you're interested, I can send you a sneak preview :) Hang in there! It will get better! You've got a lot of support from this community. I bet there are other parents at your school, too, who are going through similar situations. Maybe your guidance counselor can connect you with some "been there/tried that" support from another parent who's walked in your shoes and knows the school. It's hard not to feel like an island when your child is misbehaving. We've all had our less than favorite kid moments--and any parent who tells you thier child is perfect...well, let's just say that no one is perfect.

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