What do you do if your kid is a "picky-eater"?

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Permalink Reply by Amber Baham on January 24, 2009 at 3:23pm

Hi Aida,

I totally understand you, I have a 19 month old baby girl that it's extremely picky eater, I try to cook very healthy meals, but all she wants is chicken and fries....does not want to try anything new and ask only for her "bottle"....it's so frustrating as a mother, even though her Dr says not to worry....I can't help it!
Any tips, ideas or do you really think it will change later?...some say it's just a phase....gosh, do I hope so!!!!
I've tries supplements too with her, but so far it's not working either...so if you come up with something that works let me know...same on my end okay?
Good to know someone that shares my frustration!

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Permalink Reply by Shannon on January 25, 2009 at 12:12pm

I bought both of the Sneaky Chef books and Deceptively Delcicious. The kids think they're getting foods they love, and I know they're getting veggies right along with them.

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Permalink Reply by aida alinsub on January 25, 2009 at 2:11pm

Hi Amber,
Thanks for the reply! I also do understand your frustrations, but yes, his dr. also said, this will just come to pass...presently, am so happy with the food supplement I am giving my kid, he gained weight, became healthy, asthma gone., became energetic and really his resistance has greatly improved. Even his doctor was surprised. I now realized, what's important is he is getting the 17 essential vitamins and minerals kids need everyday . I learned not to stress-out myself much lately as long as he is healthy and happy...

So whatever works for you and your kid, go for it ...we all have a common goal: to make our kids as healthy as can be! Thank you guys for sharing...

Amber Baham said:

Hi Aida,

I totally understand you, I have a 19 month old baby girl that it's extremely picky eater, I try to cook very healthy meals, but all she wants is chicken and fries....does not want to try anything new and ask only for her "bottle"....it's so frustrating as a mother, even though her Dr says not to worry....I can't help it!
Any tips, ideas or do you really think it will change later?...some say it's just a phase....gosh, do I hope so!!!!
I've tries supplements too with her, but so far it's not working either...so if you come up with something that works let me know...same on my end okay?
Good to know someone that shares my frustration!

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Permalink Reply by Karen Weir on January 25, 2009 at 9:04pm

Interesting conversation, and opinions. I have an adult daughter, who was NEVER a picky eater, much for the same reasons Sheryl Loch cites. She ate what I fed her. She would try everything and we really enjoyed sampling different ethnic recipes etc. My son was born 18 years after my daughter, and then the 3rd a year after that. My son was a good eater, much like his sister had been 18 years earlier, but then something happened. At about the age of three, he started refusing fruit and vegetables. One by one, he eliminated them from his diet. This did not happen because he was offered something else in their place. He would eat all that was provided EXCEPT for the fruits or veggies.

I expressed concern to my doctor who said don't worry, your job is to offer, what he does with it is up to him. He assured me it was a phase that he would outgrow. We have spent thousands, no exaggeration, thousands of dollars on supplements and super juices that we cannot get down his throat. I have been to nutritionists, doctors, specialists of every description, but no one can make the child eat what he refuses to eat.

Needless to say, this has been a hot topic in our household. Our son is now 10, soon to be 11, and he has not ingested a morsel of fruit or vegetable since he was 3. Long phase huh? There is nothing wrong with his appetite - but he is fussy about textures and smells. Nobody knew when he was 3, but we know now that he has Aspergers Syndrome. To see him, and even meet him, most people would think he was a typical 10 year old.

The only way that we have been able to get fruits or veggies into the child is to hide it in foods that he likes. When a child eliminates an entire food group, it is impossible to "starve" him out. He will be able to get other foods. Now, perhaps if we offered nothing but fruit or veggies, in time he'd give in and eat rather than die, but obviously that is not realistic.

Sometimes fussy eating is not about bad parenting. My youngest child has "learned" to be fussy. She has seen the attention that her brother has received, and is somewhat fussy, but nothing too extreme.

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Permalink Reply by Ann Donnelly on January 26, 2009 at 3:35am

As a former (and still sometimes) picky eater myself too, I am lucky that only one of my children seems to have this in a serious way. I don't know if it helps, or hurts, that I can relate to what he is feeling when faced with a food that doesn't appeal to him. I still haven't completely come to terms with this problem myself. Logically I know I won't die, or even get sick, when tasting something 'yucky', but just I cannot bring myself to even take a taste of something that is unappealing in some way (looks, taste, feel). I cannnot eat mushrooms (though have tasted them by mistake in dishes), kiwi, kumquat, plums, etc. (Hubby thinks I am crazy as he eats a lot, but still does have strong likes and dislikes) I've realised recently that I do have an intolerance to some foods (funny enough very common ones I would eat a lot of: wheat and diary. - fairly common intolerances) and will get stomach pains and diarrhea, so am thinking that perhaps reactions to foods like this when I was a kid built up this fear. My sone does have some of these intolerances too. I know I probably sound like a complete headcase, but it's my story, and I thought it was worth sharing as it may help you to understand your child's food issues. It may be worth keeping a food diary for your child and see if an intolerance may be at the bottom of the issue. Then work on trying foods that are very easy on the system and introduce more. Some parents may be tempted to turn this into a huge deal that may cause real eating disorder. This needs to be just part of every day living - you need to eat certain foods to be healthy and finding the ones that you can eat.

My other two children are more 'normal' in their food likes and dislikes and have had their fussy phases, so I do understand the difference between just stubborness and a really issue.

Doctors and alternative practicioners don't feel that my son is malnourished so I just try to include at least one thing he'll eat in each meal (and even sometimes he'll be fussy about that) and make sure that he is getting the one fruit and one veg that he'll eat (+ a multivitamin), but try to avoid getting us all stressed about it because that just seems to make the situation worse. I keep offering the other foods in hopes that some day it will just 'click'. I try to be a good role model and eat a variety of foods myself (kids pick up more from what you do, than what you say) but mostly try to be supportive and work to get to the bottom of the issue. I tried being tough saying, "That's what we're having and that's it" but he just would not eat -- I was the same.

Each person has to see what works with them. I've tried all sorts of fun, creative ways of making healthy foods and still no luck -- just a tired, frustrated mommy! My kids have 'tea' after school, with healthy snacks, so there is less pressure at dinner to eat a lot, especially as it is late evening by the time we get home from work. I also limit the amount of milk the kids drink as it is so filling. As Mel mentioned, I do kid-friendly alternatives to more complicated dishes to introduce the new flavours.

As for me, peer pressure helped get me out of my problem. I started eating more foods after my first date. We went to a Chinese restaurant and there was nothing on the menu I liked -- and I was so embarrassed! I tried beef and broccoli and have since learned to love broccoli.

Glad to see this thread and get other peoples ideas -- even to try to get myself eating better!

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Permalink Reply by Ayala Laufer-Cahana M.D. on January 26, 2009 at 5:57am

One of the importants facts parents of healthy kids should know is that young kids will not starve themselves, and picky eaters are in danger of eating the wrong foods, not of starvation. It's therefore important to insist on serving healthy foods despite the kid's initial refusal.

A few tips:
1) Serve early and often.
Flavors from the mother's diet are transmitted through amniotic fluid and mother's milk. Studies show that when mothers eat fruit and vegetables during pregnancy and breastfeeding, their babies accept those fruit and vegetables more readily.
Later on, between the age of 6 and 24 months, the infant is usually most receptive to new tastes and textures, so this is the time to introduce good healthy food. Even if the initial introduction did not go very well, repeated exposure will often get the baby to like the new food.

2) Be a good model.
Young children copy us, and for a short while (too short!) will tend to believe whatever we say. Sitting at the family dinner, and pleasurably eating a balanced diet, rich in plant-based foods, will get the message across very well. The fact that in some cultures most young children are excited about spicy and even bitter foods, shows that food preference is not a physiologic absolute, but more of a cultural, habitual behavior. While the preference for sweetness is universal, other preferences can be learned.

3) Serve one family meal with no substitutions.
Making a “kids menu” is unnecessary and impractical. Beyond infancy, children can be gradually introduced to the family diet, and eat whatever we eat in smaller portions. There is no reason why a toddler should eat bland yellow foods that have cartoons on the package.
A no substitution policy is important for one simple reason: If a toddler is hungry, he will want to eat. If he has no option but the dish on the table, he is much more likely to give it a try. If he can opt for the mac & cheese instead, why would he stretch himself?

4) Involve children in cooking and preparing food.
Getting kids involved increases the likelihood they'll try the food and like it.. Take them to the farmers market to meet the people who grow their food. Teach them how to make a good vegetable salad, or how to prepare a nice bowl of boiled edamame for a snack. Encourage them to spend time with you in the kitchen, preparing healthy foods.

5) Don't pressure, coax, bribe or reward your child to eat.
Pressuring children to eat a particular food actually reduces their interest in and intake of that food, and causes undue tension around the dinner table. Offering a reward, even if it’s just dessert, devalues the means (eating veggies as an example) relative to the reward (ice cream) in the kids’ mind, while what we want them to think is just the opposite.

Above all, patience! While getting kids to eat the right foods might take a while, it's really important, and a great gift for their overall health.

Dr. Ayala

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~Franklin P. Jones

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Permalink Reply by minnemom on January 26, 2009 at 12:59pm

My situation is much like Mel's; after raising two normal eaters, my daughter refused most foods as soon as she started solids. In her life, the only meat she's eaten was two bites of chicken at the county fair in August of 2005 (note how big an event that is?). She eats (some) fruits but not vegetables; drinks milk and eats yogurt but not cheese. She began eating bread and pancakes when she was two, which was another big milestone.

I have never made separate meals for her; the one accommodation I make is to be sure there is at least one item on the table at each meal that I know she will eat. Our doctor recommended this so that mealtimes are somewhat pleasant for her. It may be pudding, it may be bread with jelly, it may be yogurt. It is not the same thing at every meal, and we do not allow her to fill up on it, e.g. she gets one piece of bread or one helping of applesauce. She may ask for jelly bread when we're having garlic toast, but she'll be met with the response of, "Sorry, it's not on the menu today. You may have some spaghetti, garlic toast, or pears." She'll refuse all of those options if none are to her liking.

Because her tolerated food list was so small (15-20 foods) we went so far as to trying food therapy at a pediatric PT/OT clinic. These sessions helped a little in getting her to smell and touch new things, but we didn't make any real breakthroughs.

So for now, we keep plugging on. Today she took a bite of a carrot, chewed it a few times, and spit it out. This is progress for us.

It's a frustrating place to be in as a parent. We hope that in time our daughter will accept more foods. We recently talked to a woman who was much the same way, and started eating a wider variety... when she was about 15. Perhaps our day will come.

Linda

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Permalink Reply by Cindy Schultz on January 26, 2009 at 2:45pm

I have an ongoing blog experiment about picky eaters. Here is the link to the original post explaining the experiment. (picky eaters). We have 3 recipes so far: Mom's Magnificent Meatloaf, Crockpot Chicken Cordon Bleu and Taco Pie. I would love for you to add your picky eater recipes to my experiment (though my children are less than pleased that I volunteered them for this).

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Permalink Reply by minnemom on January 26, 2009 at 2:55pm

Cindy, the picky eater link isn't working.

Cindy Schultz said:

I have an ongoing blog experiment about picky eaters. Here is the link to the original post explaining the experiment. (picky eaters). We have 3 recipes so far: Mom's Magnificent Meatloaf, Crockpot Chicken Cordon Bleu and Taco Pie. I would love for you to add your picky eater recipes to my experiment (though my children are less than pleased that I volunteered them for this).

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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Waterhouse on January 26, 2009 at 3:00pm

Out of curiosity, do any of you think that your child's picky eating may be related to your own?

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Permalink Reply by aida alinsub on January 27, 2009 at 9:57am

As for me, no! I love veggies and I even like to experiment the taste of new ones. And I would offer it to my son, and all he say , "yakkkks!" lol

Rebecca Waterhouse said:

Out of curiosity, do any of you think that your child's picky eating may be related to your own?

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Permalink Reply by aida alinsub on January 27, 2009 at 10:18am

Hi thanks for sharing. Oh yes, we mothers always want the best for our kids, that's why we keep trying and doing what we think is best for them, however i like to emphasize that having kids who are "picky-eaters " should not be thought of having "bad parenting". Pls. allow me to say, I am an RN, I studied growth and development for 4 years, and I do apply what i've known but I realized some worked, some not for MY own kid... so let's be patient and be happy.

Linda said:
It's a frustrating place to be in as a parent. We hope that in time our daughter will accept more foods. We recently talked to a woman who was much the same way, and started eating a wider variety... when she was about 15. Perhaps our day will come."

Linda

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