when is a child old enough to decide which parent he wants to live with

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Permalink Reply by jazzy on July 30, 2009 at 7:40pm

I did when I was 11.

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Permalink Reply by Nightowlmama on August 1, 2009 at 10:00am

My niece decided at the age of 10 she's pretty smart for her age but her unstable life and her mother running from the law and drugs made it easy for her.

My son however I allowed him to decide at the age of 13. I felt that with a boy and I had a stable home environment for him that the transition between grammer school and high school is a big one. THinking he may need more of a mans point of view and I was allowing him the option of moving in with his dad. HE choose to stay with me.
Moving in with dad ment he had to share a room and different rules. I don't think he liked either of those.
GOOD luck to you and your childs decision is a difficult always leave the option of coming back home OPEN.

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Permalink Reply by Debra Webster on August 1, 2009 at 5:34pm

Such a sad situation, and very hard to know what is the right thing to do. We all have our opinions, I would think that it would be stressful for a child to have to make that decision. Even though he is young, he may realize that whatever decision he makes is going to hurt someone! I think that is way too much stress and pressure to put on a child, especially when both parents are good parents! I believe that as parents we need to think things through, with the view of the child, and putting his best interest first,and to work together for the good of the child and make the decision for him. I wish you luck, this is one of those situations that there may be a problem no matter what you decide to do!

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Permalink Reply by Susie Pitt on August 1, 2009 at 8:15pm

As a mother who had to go through this in the past I understand the pain and indecision you might be going through, however life has a wonderful way of working things out. If you just approach the problems naturally and dont get too excited about the outcomes everything will happen in the best interests of your child
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Your son is really going to need his father as he gets past 10-12 yrs of age .As the mother of 3 boys I noticed the transition in them at this age. Fathers have a really strong role from 12- 18 to make boys into men. Your son will instinctively gravitate towards his father for just those reasons and its not that he loves you any less,but just has the call of nature to be with his father for a time.
I think if you let him make up his mind at 10 if you think he is socially mature and 12 if he needs a little more maturity you wont go wrong. Make sure he spends school holidays with you and weekends if he lives close by.......Talk to him he already feels the pull,you will never lose your son if he feels you love him and are making decisions in his best interest.
Susie Pitt
www.sheeolounge.ning.com

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie on August 2, 2009 at 3:24pm

Hopefully the parents can get along enough to where a child never has to do the deciding. I think that type of guilt is too much for a child to have to live with. To me 9 is way too young but most courts will consider what a child has to say once they are about 14 years old. It depends on where you live and your judge.

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Permalink Reply by kristina moore on August 4, 2009 at 9:31am

thank you for all the insite. as he is only 9 i know the days of tween angst is coming and then i know his dad will be the one he turns too. but for now he is my baby and wants to live here but i want him to be most happy

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Permalink Reply by Lena on September 27, 2009 at 9:32am

They say it all depends on the maturity of a child. My lawyer mentioned to me of a case where the assessor and judge listened to a mature 7 year old girl who was tired running between the two houses.

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