Would you ask your teen whether he's using drugs?
Is it a good thing to ask point-blank, or is that a big parenting mistake?
Here's what happened to me: www.mom2momkc.com
Here's what happened to me: www.mom2momkc.com
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ashley on -
It's never a mistake to ask a direct question of your teen! Too many parents tiptoe around their teens because they hate dealing with the anger and hostility they sometimes get, but silence comes at the price of peace!
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Permalink Reply by Katherine on -
Definitely! You have to continually - on a daily basis - keep your teen engaged. Don't just ask the hard questions, keep communication open by asking and staying informed about their lives in general. Yes with hard questions, you might get the 'attitude'. But in the grand scheme of things - SO WHAT!
Keeping your teens away from drugs and smart about their choices - because they know they are accountable to you as a parent IS OUR JOB!
Don't hesitate to talk to your teenager. I make it a point to let my son (14) know that he can tell me anything.... A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. and that I will refrain from - reacting with shock, or over-reacting in general. I want him to know he can talk to me - not only is it an option... I want him to feel inclined to talk to me.
Find out what your teen is interested in... beside video games and ipods and talk to them about their interests... research and get brushed up on "did you know" kind of trivia about those topics.... try it!!!
Keep them engaged - no matter what it takes - then the hard questions - won't be so.... hard to ask.
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Permalink Reply by Cristin Sawchuk on -
Yes! My kids are just babies, but I teach highschool and have seen the consequences of parents not speaking directly to their children about tough issues. I have had kids tell me that they want their parents to parent them and stop trying to be friends. They have used those exact words. I think the easiest way to talk to your kids is to start young and talk about everything. Don't make them feel silly when they ask questions. Validate them and they will want to talk to you.
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Permalink Reply by Nicole Laws on -
Absolutely!!! I may be a hard question but I think it's important keep the opened ended communication with your children. But I will also say you need to do it the right way. Making sure they understand they can tell you anything without the threat of major disappointment. Kids are kids and if you have a great relationship with them early on they will be more open to the idea. I'm not saying you should make it sound like it's okay to use drugs and alcohol by any means. It's needs to ba a happy medium. Wen I was younger I saw kids get heavy into drugs because for 3 reasons. 1)Their family wasn't that great, 2) their self confidence was poor, and/or 3) their parents were way to strict/very hard on them. I am not saying kids who didnt have any of those issues didn't ever try drugs or alcohol. Please, stop and think about what you did as a kid!!! But they tended to be more responsible and in the end make better decisions.
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Permalink Reply by Lynda Tatrai on -
Absolutely!!! I have 3 teens and a 21 year old. Yes,yes,yes. Ask your teens if they use drugs. Ask your teens if they drink alcohol. Watch your teens,their friends,their moods and behaviors. Watch your teens when they are in your very own medicine cabinet! Prescription drugs are big with kids these days, they don't need to go far to get it and is your alcohol half water and you don't even know it??
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Permalink Reply by Kathleen Hogg on -
I don't know if anything you do is the right thing? It really depends on the kid, how you ask the question(s) and your relationship. It is a difficult thing to do and most times, they are probably going to lie. I would probably ask, but if I had suspicions, I would watch for signs of drug use and do my best to keep the door open. Building that trust, comes from the day they were born. You have to make sure that you have created an environment that they will tell you things, but sometimes they won't. I know that as a teenager, I would never have told my mother anything, but she never was one I could talk to about anything. I try to make sure that my girls know that sometimes I might get angry, but I would rather know than not. They are little now so who knows what will happen 7 years from now.
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Permalink Reply by Naomi P on
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I raised 3 girls and their is a way to ask..to come out and acuse is not good. The other thing I learned is to be straight coming with how you grew up and if you did drugs and if they ask you. LOL I knew they would ask me one day and I told them the truth and the best part was they took it as a learning tool..not as a well Mom did it and so can I.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Draveski on -
I have had that talk with my son since he was 9 and at 16 years old I am happy to say he is drug free. I just told him the truth and spoke frank and about every month or so would ask again and let him know the lines were open if he needed to talk.I was also honest about my own mistakes and where it got me and that was a wake up for him as well to understand I do know what he is going through and been there myself
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Permalink Reply by Tara R. on -
I have asked that question. As parents we can't be uncomfortable asking tough questions. It's like talking to them about drinking, sex or any other potentially embarrassing topic. Just think of the consequences if we didn't ask those questions or discuss other harmful behaviors.
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Permalink Reply by Holly Bowne on
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Yup, I've done it. As well as asking point-blank if alcohol was served at any parties they've attended. Sometimes, just to watch their mortified expressions as they're leaving the house, I'll kiss them farewell and say things like, "Make good choices, sweetie, and don't have sex outside of marriage. Have fun tonight!"
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Permalink Reply by Amanda Drover on -
I definitely plan on talking to my PRE teen about drugs. Starting when they are 13 is too late. By the time I was 13 I knew what pot was and many of my friends were smoking pot and even doing acid and other substances. It's important to start talking about drugs and how they are dangerous at a younger age even 5 years old you can start to talk about not accepting food or drinks from people they don't know and the basics of drugs and how they can hurt you...then each year can add more to the conversation. By keeping this an open topic your child will feel more comfortable to come and talk to you about it. My mom did this with me and I always felt comfortable talking to her about sex and drugs.
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Permalink Reply by Wendy Sheppard on
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Nicole Laws said this: Wen I was younger I saw kids get heavy into drugs because for 3 reasons. 1)Their family wasn't that great, 2) their self confidence was poor, and/or 3) their parents were way to strict/very hard on them.
I would add one additional reason - parents who were too permissive had kids who got into drugs and alcohol.
You have to ask them point blank. You should also ask about their friends. In fact, that might be a way to open up the conversation - "So, are any of your friends drinkers / into drugs?" I'm a big proponent of engaging teens in an activity and asking questions that way. Go out, shoot some hoops; play a game of pool or ping pong. And start asking questions - nothing heavy at first. Ease into it. Use stories from your own teen years if you can.
I started years ago with my almost 13yo. I have already told him numerous times - if you end up out with friends and you're not comfortable getting in a car with someone who's been drinking or doing drugs, call me. I don't care what time it is. I won't ask questions. You won't get in trouble. And I've told him if he's too scared to call his dad (if it's dad's week), call me and I'll drive him back to dad's.
I also take the attitude that I know it's going to happen. It's the same with cursing - I know you're going to do it. You need to learn when and where it's appropriate / acceptable and when / where it isn't. With drinking, my preference is if he wants to try it, he asks to try it at home. That way we can have an in depth conversation about it.
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