Yes, No, or Maybe -- How do we teach our kids to make good decisions?

Rating: 5 after 2 votes

In these complicated times, our kids are constantly being bombarded with situations that demand decisions, large and small. How to I handle a friendship gone awry? Should I share a secret that's worrying me with my mom? Can I be someone different than I think I've become? The list of dilemmas that kids face these days goes on and on.

Sometimes we can be with them at such moments, helping sort through their options and their consequences, but most of the time, we can't. That's why I'd say it's imperative that we teach our kids the skill of decision-making. The question is how.

For the past decade or so, I've taught my own four kids how to make good, sound, affirming decisions using a values-driven tool I call The 10-10-10 Rule, which guides you to sort through your options based on their consequences in ten minutes, ten months, and ten years. Both simple and profound, it's both been amazingly effective for us as a family (see http://suzywelch101010.com for more about it). Today, there's rarely a dilemma or decision that we don't 10-10-10 together -- it's our language for talking through so many of life's choices and crossroads.

I'm curious to know how other moms have approached the critical task of teaching their decision-making and how they've worked out.

Thanks!
Suzy

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Permalink Reply by Lynne Kenney on April 11, 2009 at 5:22pm: Suzy I just Tweeted your book, these are great concepts, I watched the video on your site. Love cedar shingles getting to MV in June:). Lynne; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Nisha Ray on April 11, 2009 at 9:34pm: Suzy, This is a great topic my oldest daughter has Adhd and this was a problem for us. I started talking to her about consequences and how some decisions may not only effect her but can effect our family as a whole. When she started thinking about this and seeing the effects she started making better decisions. I think if we are more open with our kids and don't try to shelter how our choices or theirs can hurt others it will open them up to make better decisions.

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Permalink Reply by Suzy Welch on April 12, 2009 at 11:09am: Thanks, Lynne! Love those cedar shingles too. They remind me summer is coming (finally).

Lynne Kenney said:
Suzy I just Tweeted your book, these are great concepts, I watched the video on your site. Love cedar shingles getting to MV in June:). Lynne; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Suzy Welch on April 12, 2009 at 11:10am: Agreed. We definitely shouldn't try to avoid sheltering our kids from the consequences of their decisions. Knowing how their actions affect others is the only way to learn. Good luck with your daughter.

Nisha Ray said:
Suzy, This is a great topic my oldest daughter has Adhd and this was a problem for us. I started talking to her about consequences and how some decisions may not only effect her but can effect our family as a whole. When she started thinking about this and seeing the effects she started making better decisions. I think if we are more open with our kids and don't try to shelter how our choices or theirs can hurt others it will open them up to make better decisions.

Nisha Ray; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by sara speer selber on April 13, 2009 at 7:16am: Suzy,
There is a wonderful new tool for $12.50 that teaches kids how to make amazing decisions by owning and operating a lemonade day stand. Check out www.lemonadeday.org. They even learn about charity through the workbook!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MomofYoungProfessionals on April 13, 2009 at 8:12am: My kids are now 29(b) and 27(g). Lucky for me, they have made many good decisions on the important stuff, ie, that which you might judge with the 10-10-10 theory. I have always been a single mom, which of course meant I made all the decisions for us. I feel I gave them a good role model to follow in the decision-making department because I rarely make decisions, the ones that matter, spontaneously but only after analytical thought.

One moment of pride came when my son was in 3rd grade and shared this story with me. The monthly book order time came at school. He wanted to purchase the Guinness Book of Records. His teacher tried to talk him out of it, thinking that a fictional book would be more fun for him. He stuck to his guns and bought the Guinness book. He had more fun reading records and using his thinking skills with questions such as, "Mom, how do you think they jumped rope that long?" I think reading about things like record-holding also helped my son develop his sense of determination. Plus to this day, he loves trivia! I allowed my kids the chance to make decisions early in life so that when it came time to make larger decisions, they had had experience. And I also taught my kids that the decisions they make have consequences that they would need to live with. Just 2 years ago my daughter was at a crossroads about whether to continue her work on her doctorate degree. I suggested she write down all her options and carefully evaluate what each decision would mean to her down the road. Over the course of a week, she made the decision to continue her schooling. I'm proud of her for making that decision on her own but with a small amount of guidance in the "how to" area from her mom.

Of course there will be many important decisions for both my kids and based on how they've handled their past decision-making, I am confident they will continue to make good ones.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kathy Slattengren on April 13, 2009 at 8:30am: Suzy, Thanks for sharing your 10-10-10 rule; I'm looking forward to reading your book.

In the online Priceless Parenting class I teach parents a simple problem solving process that allows them to leave the ownership of the problem/decision with their child while providing guidance on thinking through the possible options. Allowing kids to make many decisions and live with the consequences builds their skills. Since children make many critical decisions when their parents are not around, it is essential they develop sound decision making skills early in life.

My children are now 13 and 16; I'm really happy they are able to make wise decisions on their own. It makes my job as a parent so much easier!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jen Ellsworth on April 20, 2009 at 8:58am: By doing what we have always been doing, learning from our mistakes, teach our kids the best we can and by letting them fall smack on their face when they do make a bad choice.; ▶ Reply to This