post partum mood disorder & expectations
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5 after 1 vote
Just heard a speaker at my mothers' group discussing post partum mood disorder - seems our own expectations and resistance to asking for help are major contributors to this epidemic. In my community it is the norm for a new mom to have sole responsibility for a newborn, and if we opt not to go back to work for the toddlers as well. I think spending 24/7 alone with young children is crazy making. I believe raising kids is a communal effort, or should be. My question is - why is doing it alone, or mostly alone, the standard? Why is it so hard to ask for help? Why do we feel guilty for looking after our own needs and having balanced lives? How can we support each other instead of being in a race to have the busiest life?
Tags: anxiety, baby, blues, care, depression, mom, new, newborn, partum, peer
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Chris Tryon on -
Having been there and done that 3 times, I hope I can add some insight on this subject. I was fortunate that with all 3 of my boys, my husband was able to take a weeks' vacation and help me out 24/7. I didn't know if it was night or day for that first week. Secondly, my church family provided dinner as well during that first week. I also learned after my first son was born that when someone offers to help, YOU LET THEM. There are a lot of people out there that are willing to help, if you ask. I believe that most people do not want to impose, that's why they don't offer. Let them have the blessings of serving you and when they need some help, be the first one to offer it.
Most of us consider it a sign of weakness on our part if we need help. It is NOT! It is a sign of maturity and self-respect. No one should have to shoulder raising a family alone. If we don't make the time to take care of ourselves, we won't be able to take care of anyone else.
My best friend to this day, was my neighbor and friend for 6 years. She moved across the street from me when our children were younger. We would trade off kids a couple of times a month. Our children looked forward to spending time together and we looked forward to getting away with our husbands' so that "we could complete a sentence without being interrupted." She moved away 6 years ago, but we still stay in touch.
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Permalink Reply by Synolve Craft on -
I went through postpartum when my first child was born. She was beautiful, but I was depressed and I didn't know why. My "play mom" told me about another mom she knew that was going through something similar. The Mom said that there were days when she just wanted to jump on the back of her husband's truck and just run away.....
My experience was a little different, although I did have my days when the back of a truck didn't look so bad, but I just didn't want anyone to touch her...No ONE!!! NOT my in-laws and NOT even my husband.
I had been given some medicine to induce my labor. I found out later that the medicine caused postpartum and there was a class action law suit against the drug maker. The shot that the gave me in my bottom to inject the medicine actually caused a huge abscess. I accidentally hit it (my bottom and abscess) on the door knob when I was bending over to pick my daughter up. The abscess burst and I felt SO MUCH better! That was when I first figured out that maybe my postpartum was chemically induced. It would be much later before the law suit and all of the media fall-out from the drug.
You raise some very good questions. I wonder why Moms can't just tell someone how they feel without any judgement or bashing....Sometimes, we moms can be pretty hard on each other.
I agree. We as moms shouldn't feel guilty about anything....when we're doing the BEST we can do. I'd much rather a mom say honestly that she can't handle it rather than suffering in silence and abusing the baby and herself.
It's moms like you and moms like each of us in this group and beyond that have to keep raising the bar for Momequality and too keep asking the tough questions! Moms need to be treated like people, not superhuman personalities who do not feel.....
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