How Much Do You Trust Your Teen?
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Permalink Reply by Sara Addington on -
I trust my son most of the time, too. Finding the balance of trust can be tricky sometimes, though. I think they need to feel that we trust them most of the time, but I don't think we can blindly trust them, either. And no, probably not alone in the room with the girlfriend. :) My son just started drivers ed, and he is really feeling sensitive to me trusting him behind the wheel. He really needs to feel that I trust him to be a good driver, it seems to help his confidence when I do. He tries so hard to drive well, and it seems to be very important to him that I realize how hard he's trying.
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Permalink Reply by Suzanne Shaffer on -
Trusting teenagers is hard. When my kids were teens, my daughter especially, felt she was "pulling the wool over my eyes". However, I let her have just enough freedom to make mistakes and learn about consequences. But not enough freedom to crash and burn. We have to remember, and teach our kids, that trust is an earned thing. If they lie, there are negative consequences. If they are honest, there are positive consequences. Somehow we managed to survive the teenage years, although at the time I often wondered if I would.
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Permalink Reply by Lorna Darden on -
Yeah I agree It can be tricky
Sara Addington said:I trust my son most of the time, too. Finding the balance of trust can be tricky sometimes, though. I think they need to feel that we trust them most of the time, but I don't think we can blindly trust them, either. And no, probably not alone in the room with the girlfriend. :) My son just started drivers ed, and he is really feeling sensitive to me trusting him behind the wheel. He really needs to feel that I trust him to be a good driver, it seems to help his confidence when I do. He tries so hard to drive well, and it seems to be very important to him that I realize how hard he's trying.
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Permalink Reply by Lorna Darden on
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You are a good Mom!
Suzanne Shaffer said:Trusting teenagers is hard. When my kids were teens, my daughter especially, felt she was "pulling the wool over my eyes". However, I let her have just enough freedom to make mistakes and learn about consequences. But not enough freedom to crash and burn. We have to remember, and teach our kids, that trust is an earned thing. If they lie, there are negative consequences. If they are honest, there are positive consequences. Somehow we managed to survive the teenage years, although at the time I often wondered if I would.
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Permalink Reply by Leandra Davidson on -
I trust 1/2 of what i see and none of what I hear. LOL
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Permalink Reply by Tina Ranieri on
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Halo!
Gosh there seems to be such a negative vibe about teens in general.
Then we start talking trust issues and it even worse.
I think it seems strange to be talking trust about a teen in general,
would we be talking about trusting each other, I mean is there a
section for speaking to trusting your husband or each other here in this group,
then why does it always come up with teens?
We need to remember that we too were once teens.
We need to remember they are not trying to pull the wool over on us.
They are simply growing in to young adult hood and need to be
treated with respect and talked to on a regular daily basis just
as we would expect any other adult to talk to us. But of course
we know that not all adults talk to us that way or can be trusted
but in worse ways than simply pulling the wool over on us.
If we remember our boundaries as parents and stick to the rules,
nobody gets hurt or accused of anything.
If we remember that we do not own them and that we are not here to control them
then again nobody gets hurt, meaning parent or child.
If we remember to not take it personally and teach our children the same, then again nobody gets hurt.
They will experiment, with cigarettes, drinking, sex and possibly drugs. Didnt you?
And that is part of growing up and experiencing themselves as not attached at the hip, to us any more.
They learn by experience and by making mistakes and so do we.
If we teach them healthy release, ways to deal with, healthy ways to deal with our
emotions as they come up and set the best example of that as we can,
then hopefully they dont need to do unhealthy things to themselves or others.
Sex is still called making love. And if they are getting love at home they wont need to
carelessly dive into the middle of it all putting themelves at risk, as they grow and explore.
No teen should be left in a closed room with another teen or teens no matter what sex.
Unless its an over night and they are changing clothes or its time for bed
and they are noisy on an overnight with friends over.
No teen should ever have any company visiting with them in their bedroom, the kitchen,
the living room or den or even the front porch swing is where all company should be visited with, and this goes for the adults too. If everyone in the household abides by the same rules then there are no questions as to whom or where or problems.
Sons and daughters all have the same rules to go by in my house,
and me and my husband too.
If they were going out on a date with another teen, then I will meet and talk to their parents too.
And we will keep in close touch with each other on your 2's activites.
No going out on school nights, unless its a school function.
On weekends home by 11 in their freshman and sophomore grades and 1130 as a junior, at 12 senior years.
Theres nothing but trouble to get into after midnight. And I will be waiting up.
My children as teens were not allowed to have cell phone or calls after bedtime or visitors an hour before bed time and we as parents did the same. WIth the exception we did have cell phones, that is a priveledge of an adult that was 18 and could work to pay for it. I have 3 kids and my son came home once with a cell phone that I threw away.
6 months later he got a pager, I also found it when it was going off while he was in the shower, and I threw it away. He was upset about the money lost he had paid, I said, you knew the rules before hand. sorry.
And there is always church on sundays no matter what.
There were times my two teens, now in their twenties, had baby tantrums that I was ruining their life and no other parents made their kids do chores or have bedtimes or no cell phones.
Of course it was not true. But some friends of theirs did not have bedtimes and at the tantrum I simply replied, who's grades are better, yours or theirs? Their friends were failing that stayed up late at night.
I know I didnt know it all about what they were doing, they had their secrets,
as I did not tell my own mom everything. And as an adult I have my own secrets they dont know either. But I talked to them about sex and how to be safe,
I didnt wait for school to do it. No parent or child wants to talk sex, but I did it much to their rolling eyes and ask anything you like, I promise not to yell
and you promise not to be promiscous.
I talked to my children about drugs and alcohol I didnt let them
participate in the schools Dare programs.
Now my 2 older tell me thank you for the rules. Thank you for the bedtimes, thank you for talking to me
instead of yelling like they were at me. Thanks mom for always keeping your door open and explaining why instead of saying because I said so.
Sounds like I was tough, not trusting, nope I dont think so.
I just had rules, they never changed, they were the same for all of us, no matter what the age or your rank in the family. I couldnt have overnight with the opposite sex in my bedroom and neither could they at home or
somewhere else regardless of what the other teens parents say. I became a single parent while they were teens.
And now my baby, lol my youngest just had her 15th birthday this summer.
I pays to talk to the other parents too. Dont asume they have the same values as yours ever!
I wasnt allowed to stay out all night and not call and neither were they.
I asked them how ould you feel if I was out there gone for a lengthy time, and possibly
with someone you didnt even know?
They freaked on this cos' they didnt like it if I went to the store during the day too long
without them knowing where I was. At night? No mom you cant either.
good luck
Tina Ranieri
scentualhealing
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longabergervip on twitter
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