Teenage GIRL Help!!
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I have a 13-year-old girl that is driving me crazy with her attitude. Any advice?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joanna Trusdle on -
I have a 15 year old girl who can really be a trip sometimes. I just take it as it comes, and deal with it when necessary. I make a point to love on her a lot, but I also make sure she knows when she is being mean, etc. I get rolling eyes, but I know she hears. I don't let her get away with "bitchy" behavior. Sometimes I just give it right back, so she can hear what it sounds like. I'm there with you - it's not fun a lot of the time. Best.
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Permalink Reply by amy krause on -
i just got the best advise from a very respected psychologist . she told me that many people get "stuck" rebelling - trying "not to be" like someone or something. she said my own daughter 13 almost 14, was so busy not being me, not being her older sister, that she wasn't investing any time being her. as soon as i stopped asking her about her grades, and the other things i cared about so she didn't, we stopped struggling. then she started caring about her grades and being nicer to me!
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Permalink Reply by Audrey on -
I'm a mother of 4 teens and I know it's frustrating, just hold your ground, don't give in and my Mom told me countelss times when I'd call crying asking for help, she always told me "this too will pass"
My oldest who will be 18, Nov 1st was the one who tested me the most, but when she hit 16 it was like night and day, she was human again!
It's tough, just love and hold true to yourself, your parenting and rules and it will all come to pass
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on -
a few things... did you take lamaze when you were pregant...the breathing I learned there has always been more helpful after the birth.. has kept me from losing it many times... keep hanging on and loving her a lot... communicate.... talk to her.. even if you think she is not listening or she is rolling her eyes.. she will remember those talks when she is raising your grandkids.... ( I know I remember my moms ) and show by example the kind of woman you want her to be, how you want her to act.... I know I have been caught before with some crappy attitude.. which is more contagious than the flu.... stand before her.. loving her.. with a great attitude and clear rules and boundries...... and communicate to her in your words and actions. * also having a place like this to come and vent is really helpful* *smile*
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Permalink Reply by Suzanne Shaffer on -
My Mom always told me to "pick my battles" and I think that's the BEST advice she ever gave me. I found that I often wanted to battle over an item of clothing or a hair style when it was hardly worth the fight. Teens will test you and try you and see how far they can go before they break the boundaries. Just make them clear and let her know what you expect from her. Sit in her room and "listen" as much as you talk because you will learn so much by just doing that. And Michele is right, even if she rolls her eyes, she is listening. Hang in there!
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Permalink Reply by Robyn Mather on -
Ok, I can relate. It's just starting for me. My daughter turns 12 next week. Your post makes total sense. She works very hard at coming up with a different opinion then me on the subjects that I care about. I like the reverse psychology approach here. What I'm having trouble with is reacting to her tone of voice she uses. It's a curt, I don't give a damn tone, and I react. Thanks for your post, it really helped.
amy krause said:i just got the best advise from a very respected psychologist . she told me that many people get "stuck" rebelling - trying "not to be" like someone or something. she said my own daughter 13 almost 14, was so busy not being me, not being her older sister, that she wasn't investing any time being her. as soon as i stopped asking her about her grades, and the other things i cared about so she didn't, we stopped struggling. then she started caring about her grades and being nicer to me!
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Permalink Reply by Kimber on -
So am I the only one who has a 16 almost 17 yr old daughter totally out of control? I have found NOTHING that works with mine. She comes and goes as she pleases, like yesterday... I took her to school, told her she wasn't going anywhere this weekend because she didn't go to school the 2 previous days, so I told her to come home after school. (I took HER phone away) She text me finally at 9:30pm said she was going out to eat and SHOPPING with friends in another town which is 30 minutes away. I text back and ask where they were going shopping at so late, I wanted to go shopping too! (Yea, maybe that wasn't the right response, but I let her know she was busted!) Also, I took the chance maybe, just maybe she might tell me where she was too? My daughter and I have been close and we have done things together with her friends. But, now it is almost 4 pm Saturday and I have not seen her since Friday morn 9am. She has not text me but the one time last nite at 9:30pm. The only reason I am on the computer now and not out looking for her is because she is doing this often now. The first time she did it she was gone 4 days, I stayed up FOUR DAYS AND NIGHTS LOOKING FOR HER!!! I have been to every authority, police,social service, no one is helping me!!!!!! HELP!
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Permalink Reply by Lois@HisFireKids.com on -
Prayer, tears,patience and wisdom like these moms r giving.....and hold on. I often run to my mentor moms to find out what "normal" is, esp with teen girls who r "emoooooting". Then I am told it is a phase and I should stand my ground and keep their respect. I keep asking my hubby for advice too...guys don't seem to get wrapped up in the power struggles & drama like moms
..hope this helps....
Lois
http://ParentingTwinsandMore.com
http://HisFireKids.com
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Permalink Reply by Carol Band on -
I went thru many difficult years with my daughter who is now 21 and seemingly human again (mostly),
My advice would be not to engage her when she give you attitude. It's so easy to get pulled in and try to give it back to them - be positive whenever possible. If she does something good praise her. Be there- give her space and privacy. Let her know that you love her and let her know that other people love her. Ask your friends and family to help support her - find things that engage her, interests that she can claim as her own and she'll come out on the other side and be wonderful.
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Permalink Reply by Wendi McNeill on -
I have four daughters (no boys) ages 21, 19, 17, 14 and trust me this too will pass :) Just have as much patience as you can with her as she is starting to find herself at this point in her life…Plus boys and girlfriend problems can come into play at this age in a major dramatic way! I do say have patience but don’t let her run all over you either, set boundaries. Keep the communication open you will need it as she grows into her teens. Good luck.
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Permalink Reply by Kimber on
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Thanks!!!! It's all I've been able to do is try and be patient, while having shed alot of tears, and pray. Since the last post, she has taken off again which resulted in me filing missing persons report. She was picked up by the police, I filed an emergency hospitalization order, and was hospitalized 6 days, only out for 1 week and has been gone again for 4 days. This time at least I know where she is. Did I mention, last time she took off, one of her friends told me, my daughter had called her the night before wanting a ride, she was at a hotel crying, then the phone hung up!!!!! The friend said it showed unknown on the caller id. That was the reason for the Emgcy Medical Order to hospitalize. My daughter tested positive for drugs. She was placed in a psychiatriac hospital for 6 days, which she got out early by charming the doctor with her intelligence. My daughter has been known on more than one occasion to go entirely overboard with the drugs, which I wonder if that would be considered an overdose, to the point it takes her 3 or 4 days to come down off of them after she has stopped doing them! So, of course, I assume when she takes off like this, she is doing drugs, and I don't know where she is and it petrifies me to say the least! I am not getting much help because the authorities say (agree) the juvenille justice system is horrible. Like trying to get her help, the rehab I spoke with said she would have to be willing to come on her own, no one could make her!!!??? WHAT??? SHE IS A MINOR FOR GOD'S SAKE AND I CAN'T MAKE HER DO ANYTHING!!!! APPARENTLY NOT A JUDGE, NO ONE That week was just an evaluation, thats all can be done. No father in the picture, and most all of our family is deceased! So, it's really just her and I. When her girlfriend(21) is not in the picture, we get along pretty good. This is all because she's 16 and wants to go live with her 21 yr old girlfriend, and I refuse to let her. Should I just give up and let her go, at least I am pretty sure the girlfriend doesnt do drugs??? I dont want her LIVING with the the girlfriend, but at least when they are together, I know where my daughter. It's when they split up my daughter hangs out with her other "friends" and pulls all her stunts by taking off and getting into the drugs. One time I even went as far as agreeing to basically letting her live with g/f part-time and stay home part-time. But, like I said NOTHING works with her. She wants what she wants and she's gonna find a way to get it regardless! Local police and a social worker have told her to come home for the past two days and she STILL HAS NOT, in fact called me earlier and asked to come and get more clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am planning on going tomorrow to file charges on g/f for custodial interference. It was made clear tonight she need to bring my daughter home, and we have been thru this many times, but I've never filed charges. Thinking maybe if I do she will stop enabling my daughter. Should I do that????? Need some input please!!!
Lois@HisFireKids.com said:Prayer, tears,patience and wisdom like these moms r giving.....and hold on. I often run to my mentor moms to find out what "normal" is, esp with teen girls who r "emoooooting". Then I am told it is a phase and I should stand my ground and keep their respect. I keep asking my hubby for advice too...guys don't seem to get wrapped up in the power struggles & drama like moms
..hope this helps....
Lois
http://ParentingTwinsandMore.com
http://HisFireKids.com
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Permalink Reply by Kimber on
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Thanks! However, it's not that simple.....I have a detailed post, I am curious of your thoughts. If you don't mind, could you read it , THEN let me know your thoughts??? Thanks again, Desperate Mom
Carol Band said:I went thru many difficult years with my daughter who is now 21 and seemingly human again (mostly),
My advice would be not to engage her when she give you attitude. It's so easy to get pulled in and try to give it back to them - be positive whenever possible. If she does something good praise her. Be there- give her space and privacy. Let her know that you love her and let her know that other people love her. Ask your friends and family to help support her - find things that engage her, interests that she can claim as her own and she'll come out on the other side and be wonderful.
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