Teenage GIRL Help!!

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Permalink Reply by Wendi McNeill on November 12, 2009 at 10:38am

Wow! Well, first I wouldn’t lose faith yet…hang on things can only get better and every day is a better day! I’m not sure if you’re a church going gal but my suggestion is to see if it’s possible to get some counseling together to get to the root of her destructive ways and starting at your local church would be best, she may put up a fight with that one just because you want her to go but put your foot down mom and demand it, she may be cold and uncooperative at first but hopefully she may warm up a little. This is the best advice I can give is to get her and yourself involved in church and surround yourself with people who are really going to care and be able to help you out and guide you. She lost respect for you somewhere along the way and really she has some issues eating her up inside that are causing her rebellious ways either that or she is being heavily influenced by friends/boys/drugs. My best suggestion is Church, counseling and a lot of prayers which mine are with you :) If you prefer not to be involved with a church then if possible and you can afford it get professional counseling, she won’t want to go but you need to think of ways to get her there...bribe her if you have to, anything to start getting those doors of communication open and get whatevers on her chest out. It really is important to determine why she does what she does and try and fix it with the help of therapy/counseling because you want to nip it in the butt now so she can head down a good road, a happy and successful road. Keep the faith and keep your head up!

Kimber said:

Thanks!!!! It's all I've been able to do is try and be patient, while having shed alot of tears, and pray. Since the last post, she has taken off again which resulted in me filing missing persons report. She was picked up by the police, I filed an emergency hospitalization order, and was hospitalized 6 days, only out for 1 week and has been gone again for 4 days. This time at least I know where she is. Did I mention, last time she took off, one of her friends told me, my daughter had called her the night before wanting a ride, she was at a hotel crying, then the phone hung up!!!!! The friend said it showed unknown on the caller id. That was the reason for the Emgcy Medical Order to hospitalize. My daughter tested positive for drugs. She was placed in a psychiatriac hospital for 6 days, which she got out early by charming the doctor with her intelligence. My daughter has been known on more than one occasion to go entirely overboard with the drugs, which I wonder if that would be considered an overdose, to the point it takes her 3 or 4 days to come down off of them after she has stopped doing them! So, of course, I assume when she takes off like this, she is doing drugs, and I don't know where she is and it petrifies me to say the least! I am not getting much help because the authorities say (agree) the juvenille justice system is horrible. Like trying to get her help, the rehab I spoke with said she would have to be willing to come on her own, no one could make her!!!??? WHAT??? SHE IS A MINOR FOR GOD'S SAKE AND I CAN'T MAKE HER DO ANYTHING!!!! APPARENTLY NOT A JUDGE, NO ONE That week was just an evaluation, thats all can be done. No father in the picture, and most all of our family is deceased! So, it's really just her and I. When her girlfriend(21) is not in the picture, we get along pretty good. This is all because she's 16 and wants to go live with her 21 yr old girlfriend, and I refuse to let her. Should I just give up and let her go, at least I am pretty sure the girlfriend doesnt do drugs??? I dont want her LIVING with the the girlfriend, but at least when they are together, I know where my daughter. It's when they split up my daughter hangs out with her other "friends" and pulls all her stunts by taking off and getting into the drugs. One time I even went as far as agreeing to basically letting her live with g/f part-time and stay home part-time. But, like I said NOTHING works with her. She wants what she wants and she's gonna find a way to get it regardless! Local police and a social worker have told her to come home for the past two days and she STILL HAS NOT, in fact called me earlier and asked to come and get more clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am planning on going tomorrow to file charges on g/f for custodial interference. It was made clear tonight she need to bring my daughter home, and we have been thru this many times, but I've never filed charges. Thinking maybe if I do she will stop enabling my daughter. Should I do that????? Need some input please!!!

Lois@HisFireKids.com said:

Prayer, tears,patience and wisdom like these moms r giving.....and hold on. I often run to my mentor moms to find out what "normal" is, esp with teen girls who r "emoooooting". Then I am told it is a phase and I should stand my ground and keep their respect. I keep asking my hubby for advice too...guys don't seem to get wrapped up in the power struggles & drama like moms

..hope this helps....

Lois
http://ParentingTwinsandMore.com
http://HisFireKids.com

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Permalink Reply by Kimber on November 12, 2009 at 7:18pm

Wendi. Wow! Thanks alot. YOU ARE RIGHT, unfortunately, I absolutely meant it when I said NOTHING works with my daughter!!!! I've had her in therapy since she was 7, ( on and off) and the only thing it has accomplished is she has learned how to tell them (therapists) what they want to hear as to keep herself out of "trouble" or any further intense therapy. She is very intelligent, and she 'works' them. As far as church, well......school has done a fine job teaching the seperation of church and state, (is that right) my mind just went blank, what little bit I haven't lost?? Anyhow, she tells me how I CAN'T MAKE her go to church, I can't force that on her!!! Yes we go through the whole bit that I am her mother, she listens to me, that "rule" or "law" or what have you doesn't apply to little girls and she's going, guess what............. she won't get dressed, she refuses to go!!! And, yes it has been determined a huge problem for my daughter is the fact that her father has never really been in her life, and that's something I have no control over!! God knows I have tried and still do till this very day, I talked to him today actually. He is worthless, I have tried everything with him as well, EVERYTHING for him to have a relationship with her. He owes over $70,000, but I don't put him in jail, I have, I have not, regardless he is not going to be a father to this child! I leave him alone, so if my daughter should call upon him, he's there! I am truly at my wits end, the juvienlle system is a joke! To get her in rehab, SHE has to volunteer to go or they can't accept her!! She is 16, she won't volunteer to do ANYTHING!!!!! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, and your time, it means alot!

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Permalink Reply by Paminca on November 13, 2009 at 6:15am

Well, it sounds like you have your hands full. We have a friend who has been going through the same thing. Finally she put her daughter into a 8 week rehab and although she seems to be doing some better, she is slowly going back into her old ways. My suggestion is for you to contact whatever church you belong to and ask for some intervention. God Bless you and good luck!

Kimber said:

Thanks! However, it's not that simple.....I have a detailed post, I am curious of your thoughts. If you don't mind, could you read it , THEN let me know your thoughts??? Thanks again, Desperate Mom

Carol Band said:

I went thru many difficult years with my daughter who is now 21 and seemingly human again (mostly),
My advice would be not to engage her when she give you attitude. It's so easy to get pulled in and try to give it back to them - be positive whenever possible. If she does something good praise her. Be there- give her space and privacy. Let her know that you love her and let her know that other people love her. Ask your friends and family to help support her - find things that engage her, interests that she can claim as her own and she'll come out on the other side and be wonderful.

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Permalink Reply by Kimber on November 13, 2009 at 11:22pm

Paminca, thanks! Around here where I live, so far all I've been told is my daughter has to be WILLING to go for any treatment. She is NOT WILLING to do anything!! And people wonder why drugs is such a problem?? Well, hello!!! She's a minor and I can't make her to anything and that's by law!!! I just wonder how your friend got her daughter into rehab? If there is any way you could find out, it would mean more than words can say!! Again, thanks KIM

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