The talk about Sex, Baby
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Lets Talk About Sex, Baby
by Mama Bee
I was watching a talk show today when I was folding laundry when I was taken back by the subject. Talking about sex with your child. They had two 14 year olds that are "in love" on the show and talked about their decision to have sex.
The boy's mother kept an open dialogue with her son. She talked to him about sex AND bought him condoms. The girl's mother was upset by this. She was upset thinking the other mom was condoning them having sex and didn't like that the mother bought condoms for her daughter's boyfriend to have sex.
The girl's mom said that sex wasn't something she talked about with her. The boy's mom said she is very open with her kids and feels it's her duty to educate her son, just as she would expect the other lady to educate her daughter. Her argument was:
"Just as I don't tell you to take your daughter to get birth control for her pap, I dont expect you to be able to tell me not to educate my son or make sure he isn't smart WHEN he has sex, because they will."
They then had a psychologist on that said there are some questions you need to talk about before you have sex. Some of which included:
* If you got pregnant, what would you do?
* Will you guys talk about it the next day?
* How long do you guys want to be together?
* Will you or your partner get tested before you have sex? Have you thought about that?
I was thinking about those. The pregnancy question is great but do you really think of that when you're 14? Your hormones are all over, I don't think you can grasp something that big at such a young age. I also think 14 is way too young to start having sex, but I know it happens.
Did you know 1/3 of girls get pregnant before 20? I was shocked!
I have two boys and one girl. I don't know what I will do when I have to cross this bridge but I do know my husband and I will be very honest with our kids and keep that communication open. You can't stop a kid from doing something they have their mind set to. I won't condone it, that's for sure. All parents want their kids to wait until they are married but that's not realistic.
I didn't wait until I was married but I know that I was responsible about it when I had sex at almost 20. I was with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and after a year together, my mom had "the talk" with me. I was already on birth control for endometriosis but she still taught me alot. My pregnant sister, who was 16, did as well. I was there for my nephew and nieces birth and let me say, THAT was my lesson to abstinence.
I can't imagine, at 14, being comfortable with sex or thinking it's pleasureable in any way.
So, what's my plan?
I will talk to my kids about sex, very openly (and very age appropriately). I will let them know I don't condone it, but I want them to be safe and smart, should they decide to make that decision. I don't believe that just because you talk about it with your children that is saying its okay. They are going to learn about it, one way or another.
Have you had to talk to your child(ren) about sex?
Do you take the side of the boys mother, or the girls mother? How did your parents talk to you about sex?
Soucre: momaroo.com
See other moms' ideas
by Mama Bee
I was watching a talk show today when I was folding laundry when I was taken back by the subject. Talking about sex with your child. They had two 14 year olds that are "in love" on the show and talked about their decision to have sex.
The boy's mother kept an open dialogue with her son. She talked to him about sex AND bought him condoms. The girl's mother was upset by this. She was upset thinking the other mom was condoning them having sex and didn't like that the mother bought condoms for her daughter's boyfriend to have sex.
The girl's mom said that sex wasn't something she talked about with her. The boy's mom said she is very open with her kids and feels it's her duty to educate her son, just as she would expect the other lady to educate her daughter. Her argument was:
"Just as I don't tell you to take your daughter to get birth control for her pap, I dont expect you to be able to tell me not to educate my son or make sure he isn't smart WHEN he has sex, because they will."
They then had a psychologist on that said there are some questions you need to talk about before you have sex. Some of which included:
* If you got pregnant, what would you do?
* Will you guys talk about it the next day?
* How long do you guys want to be together?
* Will you or your partner get tested before you have sex? Have you thought about that?
I was thinking about those. The pregnancy question is great but do you really think of that when you're 14? Your hormones are all over, I don't think you can grasp something that big at such a young age. I also think 14 is way too young to start having sex, but I know it happens.
Did you know 1/3 of girls get pregnant before 20? I was shocked!
I have two boys and one girl. I don't know what I will do when I have to cross this bridge but I do know my husband and I will be very honest with our kids and keep that communication open. You can't stop a kid from doing something they have their mind set to. I won't condone it, that's for sure. All parents want their kids to wait until they are married but that's not realistic.
I didn't wait until I was married but I know that I was responsible about it when I had sex at almost 20. I was with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and after a year together, my mom had "the talk" with me. I was already on birth control for endometriosis but she still taught me alot. My pregnant sister, who was 16, did as well. I was there for my nephew and nieces birth and let me say, THAT was my lesson to abstinence.
I can't imagine, at 14, being comfortable with sex or thinking it's pleasureable in any way.
So, what's my plan?
I will talk to my kids about sex, very openly (and very age appropriately). I will let them know I don't condone it, but I want them to be safe and smart, should they decide to make that decision. I don't believe that just because you talk about it with your children that is saying its okay. They are going to learn about it, one way or another.
Have you had to talk to your child(ren) about sex?
Do you take the side of the boys mother, or the girls mother? How did your parents talk to you about sex?
Soucre: momaroo.com
See other moms' ideas
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joanna Trusdle on -
I talked to my daughter about the basics around age 11. Once she really got into boys - around 13, I talked more seriously about the consequences of sex. Now that she's in high school, and about to turn 15, I have consistently talked about negative consequences of, not only unprotected sex, but also about getting pregnant. I am constantly keeping her focused on the positive benefits of her education and being able to get into college. I am also trying to help her get a part-time job, in the hopes that it will keep her occupied - too busy for serious boy stuff. I am also hoping it will bring a level of maturity, as well. I have told her that the easiest way to not get an STD or pregnant is to not have sex. Period. I have yet to bring up the issue of birth control, however. Mainly, because I'm not ready to go there yet, even though I know I'm going to have to, eventually.
14 might seem young, but many 14 year olds are already freshman in high school - like my daughter. Once they get into high school, all the parenting rules change. For real. Personally, I wish more parents talked to their sons like this mother. I also hope this mother talked to her son about respecting a girl, instead of only seeing her as a body to have sex with. I plan to talk to my son this way. He's 10 now, but by the time he's in 7th grade, I will be laying down the "law" on how to treat girls and respecting them as people not just bodies. I certainly told my daughter that is basically all teenage boys are thinking. I have told her not to let herself get emotionally involved with anyone until she's old enough, and responsible enough, to support herself and a family.
I started young because kids are surrounded by this stuff all the time. More like they are assaulted with it on a daily basis. I would rather be the one starting the conversation than the other way around. Now that kids are sexting, I have discussed this with my daughter as well, and told her it is considered pornography and is illegal and they can be charged as a sex offender. I want her to know sex is not a game. Period. I want her to see all the negative consequences.
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Permalink Reply by Momaroo on -
Hi Joanna,
I totally agree with that all the parenting rules change when our child get into high school. And our children need to know all the negative consequences of sex when they treat it as a just game.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
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Permalink Reply by Petra on -
We have always talked openly and honestly with our daughter about sex, according to her age and maturity. If she had/has any questions she was free to ask and discuss her questions and concerns with us. While I feel 14 is too young for sexual activity, it does happen. I believe keeping an open door policy with kids can actually help a teen make informed decisions instead of succumbing to peer pressure. Also, asking your teen questions and discussing the emotional side of sexual activity is also a good idea.
Our daughter has always appreciated the fact that we are open and willing to discuss the topic and it has helped her decide that she values herself, her future, and her reputation enough to wait until she is ready and in a committed relationship.
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Permalink Reply by Momaroo on
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Hi Petra,
Yes, a lot of conversation is sometimes or always really much better than pressure to change our kids behavior.
Thanks for great comments!
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Permalink Reply by Mrs. C on -
I agree with you. I have always been very open with both my kids, now 19 and 15, and whether they ask questions or not, I go there with them. I usually do it at Pizza Hut, Yeah Pizza Hut. It's a safe place and they'll eat while I talk. It works. They listen and ask questions. I will talk with them and also help them protect themselves if they chose to have sex. I don't want them having sex and they know that but things happen. If the other parent doesn't like it, oh well. At least my son or daughter won't get pregnant. The other parent is living in lala land these days. Last year (my daughters 8th grade year) there was a girl pregnant. She disappeared and no one knew where she went. We saw here that summer with her baby. I was shocked and so was my daughter. She couldn't do anything because of the baby but she did get good support from home. My daughter really understands what having sex means. We have daycare at the school and pregnant teens walking around the building going to classes. So she knows....
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Permalink Reply by Momaroo on
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Hi DeAnna,
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. And I hope not to see those case anymore that our children ruin their bright future from the bad experience.
Thanks,
Momaroo,
DeAnna Chandler said:I agree with you. I have always been very open with both my kids, now 19 and 15, and whether they ask questions or not, I go there with them. I usually do it at Pizza Hut, Yeah Pizza Hut. It's a safe place and they'll eat while I talk. It works. They listen and ask questions. I will talk with them and also help them protect themselves if they chose to have sex. I don't want them having sex and they know that but things happen. If the other parent doesn't like it, oh well. At least my son or daughter won't get pregnant. The other parent is living in lala land these days. Last year (my daughters 8th grade year) there was a girl pregnant. She disappeared and no one knew where she went. We saw here that summer with her baby. I was shocked and so was my daughter. She couldn't do anything because of the baby but she did get good support from home. My daughter really understands what having sex means. We have daycare at the school and pregnant teens walking around the building going to classes. So she knows....
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