Raising kids who are mindful.
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What makes a child compassionate and giving? Is it enough to set this example by living a conscience life ourselves as parents or do we need to find tangible ways to teach our children to give of themselves?
What makes a child compassionate and giving? Is it enough to set this example by living a conscience life ourselves as parents or do we need to find tangible ways to teach our children to give of themselves?
Tags: caring, compassion, conscience, for, giving, others
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Maya on -
I think it is about a number of things ...and all of them work together:
1. Teach by example - If we are giving and derive real joy from it, kids witness that.
2. Explain what you are doing - This is the part where we help them connect the dots - tell them the "why" of "what" we are doing. Tell them how it affects lives. I believe this is a part of building their emotional maturity
3. Then provide them an opportunity to be compassionate and provide immediate feedback.
Okay, my 2 year old is tugging at my hand, i need to go :)
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Permalink Reply by Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, CPC on -
I agree with Maya. We must be great role models first and foremost. We must be compassionate to others but also to ourselves thus our children learn to care for themselves as well!
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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on -
I love the idea from Tara that building compassion for others builds an ability to have compassion for yourself. What a great concept - teaching our children to forgive THEMSELVES for things they do. Help them recognize their humanness.
I also love what Maya wrote about connecting the dots. I find it incredible sometimes when I am hanging out with my children and I turn to them and tell them what my motivation is for doing something and the way it grabs their attention suddenly to have me confide in them this way. I will verbalize something that I just take for granted like, for example why I am picking up my grandmother and bringing her to our house for dinner and then I realize, wow, that was a meaningful moment for my kids. I could have done it without explaining (just modeling) which is important but when I tell them WHY I do what I do it connects the dots for them. Perhaps this allows them to reflect on why they do what they do....
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Permalink Reply by Vanessa on -
It's in the Bible, humble yourself. We were brought up helping and giving to others. I almost put anyone before myself. Our three children, 6, 10, and 11, are taught the same thing - If it's within your power to do something for someone, do it. It will make both of you feel good. Something we recently explored with our children is "What if it was Jesus?" If it was Jesus who was hurt, would you pass Him by? If it was Jesus who was hungry, would you not share? Living by this example, we have become a more humble and giving family.
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Permalink Reply by Meg on -
I wrote a blog post about teaching kids empathy a while back. During my research, the thing that was constantly referred to as being the cornerstone of raising compassionate kids was modelling the behaviour yourself!
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Permalink Reply by Jyl on -
I think example and opportunity are the best ways to teach our children. I think when they are young, it is a simple matter of involving them in the service we are providing. For example, if we take a meal to a family in the neighborhood whose mother is sick, we can have our kids help prepare the brownies while explaining to them why we are making them.
As they grow up, I think it is important to involve them in identifying opportunities for service--even those opportunities that are out of their comfort zones. For example: What about reaching out to kids at school that perhaps aren't in the most popular groups? What about giving up some of their Christmas presents to provide Christmas to a family less fortunate? I think as kids get in the habit of looking for ways to serve and give back, they will find them. Then, it is only a matter of doing the service. An idea that I love is keeping a service/giving journal as a family, where you identify things you can do to give back. Then choose one thing a week to focus on. Or, if they are small enough, one thing a day. Also... dividing it into categories of daily, weekly, monthly, local, international helps the kids see that giving back to our community is bigger than our local city. We can serve worldwide.
Finally... I think it is great to show our kids the impact of service--teach them the concept of The Power of One. I went to a humanitarian aid center once and was amazed at how much that particular organization was doing both locally and around the world to serve others. It inspired me, gave me ideas, and helped me see the impact we can make when we band together for a common goal/good.
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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on
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It is amazing that we can show them how to give to each other too. At home, with a sibling, it is a great opportunity to teach compassion. But their natural way is to a bit selfish when they are little. And when we offer them a chance to give a cookie or toy to a younger sibling, you see the way their faces light up. They EXPERIENCE giving and they want to do it again because it felt GOOD...
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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on
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Connecting the dots. Yes, sometimes i assume they do this themselves but the little ones really need us to help them. I showed my kids the We Are The World Video on Youtube from the 80s. My son said: "Are those pictures of the poor people in Africa?" I said yes. He said: "Did the people who went there to take the photos bring food to give to the people who did not have food?"
It was an incredible moment for me. He connected the dots himself (he is 7). People have gone to these places without food and clean water. What did they do when they went there? Take photos or help. Wow. I find that there are opportunities almost everyday to speak to our kids about giving to others and caring for the planet...
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Permalink Reply by Kristi on -
My kids are alittle older (youngest will be 9 next month) and we are learning that leading by example is the first step, second is telling them the why/how of doing and giving to others, third step is when they learn on their own to put it all together, not just the concept but the act in itself. My daughter knew of a child at school that wasnt going to have thanksgiving dinner and wanted to help them out of that situation. So we as a family put together a meal and gave them a nice meal that wouldnt have been without my 9 yr old thinking of the solution to the problem she saw in front of her.
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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on
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It is amazing what they can do. Just taking them through the experience seems to be so much more valuable than words. I took my kids to a clothing bank over the holiday so they could see all the clothes being sorted and distributed to people in need. I did not need to say one word. Everything was right there in front of them.
Kristi said:My kids are alittle older (youngest will be 9 next month) and we are learning that leading by example is the first step, second is telling them the why/how of doing and giving to others, third step is when they learn on their own to put it all together, not just the concept but the act in itself. My daughter knew of a child at school that wasnt going to have thanksgiving dinner and wanted to help them out of that situation. So we as a family put together a meal and gave them a nice meal that wouldnt have been without my 9 yr old thinking of the solution to the problem she saw in front of her.
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Permalink Reply by ECHOage on
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Tips for creating kids with conscience:
Ask a child how they felt last time they did something special for someone. When they recall the feeling that comes from giving to others, they will likely be more inclined to want to repeat the action.
When you pack up your child’s clothes that are too small, take your children with you to deliver their items to a shelter and allow them to see how meaningful their generosity is to someone else.
Encourage your child to ask their grandparents or elderly relatives about their life when they were a child their age. They will learn that they share many of the same experiences, desires and feelings, that their grandparents had, when they were the same age. It may deepen appreciation, understanding and connection between the two.
Become Foster Parents to a child in another country. Encourage your child to write regularly with their new family member. Your child will see first hand how vastly different the lives of other children their own age are.
Visit an elderly home with your child. Have them simply say “hi,” bring some flowers or even create a drawing to share with someone that they don’t know and watch the impact it has on both the elderly and your child. A child’s smile and generosity can brighten anyone’s day.
Encourage your child to rake the leaves, shovel the snow or walk the dog for a neighbor who is elderly or someone who simply needs a hand and would appreciate this act of kindness.
Ask your child if they had extra money, who they would like to give it to most and why. Encourage them, if age appropriate to take 10% of their allowance and donate it to a cause that is meaningful to them. Good habits last a lifetime.
Encourage your child to volunteer at an animal shelter. They will see first hand how great animals feel when they are given attention. They will also see that a pet is a responsibility and takes commitment and work to care for.
Have a family discussion with your kids about how they would like to spend an hour of their weekend once a month that helps someone else. Let them decide what would make them feel good. Doing this act of giving as a family will set the tone that giving is part of your family philosophy. Hopefully they will continue the tradition when they have their own family.
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Permalink Reply by Candace McLane on -
Like anything that it taught, it depends on the child. Some kids can learn by example alone, others need to walked thru the steps of how to identify an interest or concern, how to research ways to become involved and then make the phone call to volunteer, get themselves to the service project, etc. For this reason I think family service projects that flow from a child's concerns are the most powerful and have the potential to teach the greatest lessons on how to be a true citizen.
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