Why Wouldn't I?

Couldn't have said it better myself - so I won't even try!

Practice for the Christmas Program

We just LOVE this - could watch it all day!!! The girls are practicing for our church Christmas program! I know you have MUCH better things to do - but it is so fun to watch Jada "get it"!! IF you hang in there to the end - you will hear her little "yeah"!!!

Practice for Christmas Program from Becky Bilby on Vimeo.

The Reality

Parenting is NOT easy - it is full of curve balls and question marks. But where I feel I struggle more is parenting adopted children. I question myself constantly. Why does she cry so long when I leave? Is she afraid I won't come back? How long should we let her sleep in our room on the mattress? How can I show her that we won't leave her? How can I best show her that her past is part of who she is? What are encouraging things I can say to her to represent her birth mom? Why does she wake up so often with night terrors? What were her living conditions like - and how does that play into our life now? I could go on and on. It is just different to me - I second guess so many things that I may or may not do for our boys and not give a second thought. I hope, with time, that some of that will go away - but we've had Chloe over 4 years and I still find myself there often.

So I feel SO blessed by a book I was sent this week - 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed by Sherrie Eldridge. I have read other books by Eldridge that have opened my eyes to things, but this one is SO right where I am! She has given me the freedom to say, "Parenting adopted children IS different - and it's ok to ask question and voice your fears and frustrations." As an adopted child herself, Eldridge is full of wisdom in how to care for our little ones - what their backgrounds may have been, and some feelings they may experience.

Here is one of my favorite "Ah-hahs":
Maybe it's just me (although I doubt it) but I needed the freedom to read these things. I needed to see what success may look like - I have so many fears of my inadequacies (I'll admit it - even more after bringing Jada home - CAN I be for her what she needs??). So this book is just really meeting me where I am. I am learning TONS. I am finding that in each chapter I am having to hold back from highlighting the entire chapter!

She ends each chapter by giving you a time to "Listen to your child's heart" - she gives thoughts on how adoptive children may look at situation. Here is one I can relate to having both of the girls in mind....

"When you hold me for the first time as a baby, if I arch my back and won't let you cuddle close to me, I'm not rejecting you. I'm hurting. I miss my first home - my birth mother's womb. Don't let the cycle of rejection begin. If you interpret my actions as rejection, then I'll sense that and I'll feel rejected. Hold me closely until I mold my body to you, even if I cry. This is what I need."

I guess that's why I want to share this book - it is a gift this week - exactly what I needed as I'm questioning what I KNOW God has called me to. It's a big task - but I am thrilled at the growing He must have for me!!

Bilby Recap

Chloe comes to me this morning and says, "Mom, I sure hope today is better than yesterday." I ask her why she said that and she said, "Because yesterday was VERY bad. I spilled all of Micah's BB's (airsoft BB's) and then I had to run upstairs and cry." I was left to ponder that one - so did that make Micah's day bad or Chloe's???

Chloe on Tuesday night at the band concert, "Mom, it is SWELTERING in here." (Yes, Chloe I firmly agreed - but thank you WORD GIRL for the big word!!!)

We took Jada in to the dentist this week - she sat like a champ - even had x-rays!! The girl is just not phased by doctors - she is quite compliant for them! (Maybe I should get a white coat!) However, at the end of the appt. we got the GREAT news - out of her little 20 teeth - 19 need work - that girl's mouth is just FULL of cavities. So my one glimmer of a smile came that it WASN'T MY FAULT this time!!! (I always feel guilty when my kids get cavities!) The bad news - she will be into the dentist EVERY Wednesday in January for an hour and a half at a time. Poor girl - if she liked the dentist now - she may not then!

In case you missed it - we had a bit of drama over the H1N1 vaccines this week too. We decided to get them for the kids and we were driving to the clinic. The boys were discussing the horrors of shots (thanks a lot guys) and Chloe pipes up, "Mom, how come you aren't scared?" I proceeded to TRY to explain that shots weren't THAT bad and that I was too old - they wouldn't let me get the shot yet. She sat quietly for a bit - biting her fingernails - and then said, "Mom, can you just tell them I'm 500?!!" The boys got a kick out of that!! But all ended well - they were all eligible for the nasal mist - life is good!

Dad's been gone again here - we are waiting for him to come home! We survive but it is always good to have him home again!

So there you have it - the exciting Bilby news in a nutshell. Stay tuned until next time.....

Sisters