Help: My five year old is a liar!
A mom called me yesterday, with a lying problem. I bet you have some solutions. Let's take a peek at the problem.
Problem: My child lies, Why? What does it mean?
Children lie for many reasons, at different ages and stages. Many times a lie is a fast and easy way to resolve a problem or get out of an immediate conflict.
"Joey, did you brush your teeth?" With a simple "Yes Mom," Joey continues to watch TV and does not have to get up to brush his teeth.
Solution: Stay calm and uncover what your child is trying to get from lying. The what not the why...
It is best for the parent to play "behavioral detective" and sort out what is the function of the lie.
1. To avoid a conflict or consequence.
2. To get attention.
3. To avoid doing a task.
4. To get something she/he couldn't otherwise have.
5. To take the easy way out.
and more...
To nip lying in the bud.
1. Communicate your clear expectations to your children that you expect them to be honest.
2. Model what honesty is in your own words and actions.
3. Describe honesty to your children when you see it. Give specific compliments for acts of honesty.
4. When you perceive your child is lying talk gently with them about what they said, what they meant and what they got out of it. Push the "re-do" button and allow the child to say the truth. Don't shame your child this will just push him further into the lie.
5. Practice being honest within your family, even adults lie or fib and most often fail to catch themselves doing it.
Role play, draw it out and define your boundaries. You are a teacher, guide and mentor. Your child learns from you.
Tell us about your experiences with and solutions for lying. We're listening.
Problem: My child lies, Why? What does it mean?
Children lie for many reasons, at different ages and stages. Many times a lie is a fast and easy way to resolve a problem or get out of an immediate conflict.
"Joey, did you brush your teeth?" With a simple "Yes Mom," Joey continues to watch TV and does not have to get up to brush his teeth.
Solution: Stay calm and uncover what your child is trying to get from lying. The what not the why...
It is best for the parent to play "behavioral detective" and sort out what is the function of the lie.
1. To avoid a conflict or consequence.
2. To get attention.
3. To avoid doing a task.
4. To get something she/he couldn't otherwise have.
5. To take the easy way out.
and more...
To nip lying in the bud.
1. Communicate your clear expectations to your children that you expect them to be honest.
2. Model what honesty is in your own words and actions.
3. Describe honesty to your children when you see it. Give specific compliments for acts of honesty.
4. When you perceive your child is lying talk gently with them about what they said, what they meant and what they got out of it. Push the "re-do" button and allow the child to say the truth. Don't shame your child this will just push him further into the lie.
5. Practice being honest within your family, even adults lie or fib and most often fail to catch themselves doing it.
Role play, draw it out and define your boundaries. You are a teacher, guide and mentor. Your child learns from you.
Tell us about your experiences with and solutions for lying. We're listening.
Add a Comment
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Comment by Alrady on October 22, 2009 at 4:19pm -
i think one thing is important is priortizing what gets punished and what doesn't ... taking some fear out of the small things.
Also dont' ask IF they did something.. and don't overask WHY did they do something... they may not know and then try to come up with answer that you accept (which is a lie) .
Better to say...You did this and when we do this XXX happens. Just calm and sure. If you don't know if they did something or not you are caught trying to judge and perhaps inadvertantly rewarding lying.
Also at age 5 they are just starting to learn what is fantasy and what is reality... soooo may not really have total grasp on it... this is learning stage. I wish I had known that when I was younger with my oldest kids.
I personally think a lot of "lying" is out of fear wanting to not make mom and dad mad. So not getting mad is important.
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Comment by neatnixorganizers on October 22, 2009 at 3:19pm - Also be honest with them about the fact that you do/did lie. They're smart enough to know when you do, so lying about lying only compounds the issue and sets the behaviours in motion.
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Comment by Galit Lazar on October 18, 2009 at 9:33am
- It is so true that as parents we have to model honesty so our children can be honest back. It is so facinating how children often mirror our own behaviours to show us what we have to improve.
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© 2009 Created by Megan Calhoun
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