Telling your child that a baby is on the way. Is there really any good approach?
When I became pregnant with my second boy, my son was four years old -- therefore I was able to have a fairly realistic conversation with him. I had a hard time getting pregnant the second time and every now and then my son would ask, “Am I ever going to have a sister or brother?” I’d look at him in amazement as I wondered that myself. My appropriate mommy response was, “we have to wish on a star and ask the universe to bring us the right baby.” Each night from then on my son would run outside with daddy and pretend to grab a star, run back inside and push his hand onto my tummy.
One morning, when I finally made it to nine weeks of pregnancy, after fifteen months of negative EPT’s, and looking really bloated, my son said, “Mommy! There must be a baby in that belly because it’s really big now.” I smiled and didn’t want to tell him until we got to the safe twelve-week zone. I said, “let’s hope so, all those stars you picked, one of them must have worked!” Let’s wait two more weeks to see if your star grows.
Two weeks later we gave him the happy news and his response was, “I knew that, I just knew there was a real baby in there.” Hmm, he did know and we couldn’t keep it from him, he was too connected to the universe at that point and we depended on him for his support for the next six months.
As we neared the baby’s birth date, our son did ask how the baby would come out. I nonchalantly told him that there are two ways. One way was through my tummy, the other way is through the baby passage-way near wear I go pee. He was worried that both those ways may hurt, so he recommended that I poop it out. He’s a guru I tell ya, a real guru.
Each family is has their own set of morals and values and may decide to tell their child the truth, may not tell them until the last minute or may take a whimsical approach as we did. There is really no “appropriate” way to break the news. However, preparation is key, so at some point your first-born needs to know that they will be sharing mommy and daddy with a new sibling.
Making your child your little helper and telling them that you will be sleeping and nursing baby often will be prepare him for the adjustment. We’d ask our son, “what do you think our new baby will do for the first few months?” He would say, “Cry, cry, cry.” He got that one right!
The day I gave birth for the second time, we gave our five-year-old a wrapped gift and told him it was from his star, his new little brother. He played with that toy truck for three hours in my recovery room. It was the second best day of my life.
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Kimberley Clayton Blaine is a national parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the founder and executive producer of a grassroots webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education Department.
Read Kimberley’s new book, Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation and Your Inner Diva -- www.mommyconfidence.com
Tags: birth, child, giving, mommy, rivalry, second, sibling, tmfc, tmparenting
Add a Comment
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Comment by Kimberley Clayton Blaine on March 4, 2009 at 10:51am - Hi Roz, I so get that! My son wanted to name our potential dog, 'Liter Box.' My goodness. Thanks for sharing :-)
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Comment by ECHOage on March 4, 2009 at 8:54am -
Enjoyed your story. When asked our 2 year old daughter what we should name the baby that was in mom's tummy, she said "poo poo" in the most endearing way ever. Now that they are 7 & 10 and battling stuff out a bit - I think she wishes she could still call him that (or worse!).
Cheers,
Roz
www.echoage.com
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Comment by Kimberley Clayton Blaine on March 4, 2009 at 6:23am
- MomFavs, Thank you, I can't relive that moment enough. It truly was the most amazing moment.
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Comment by MomFaves on March 3, 2009 at 9:10pm - This brought tears to my eyes! What a great story! Congratulations on your second baby blessing!! - Rebecca
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Comment by Kimberley Clayton Blaine on March 3, 2009 at 6:30am
- Amy, that is too cute. Kids are so imaginative and fun...Wish we could be more like that...Although, come to think of it, birthing a crocodile would hurt a bit...
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Comment by Amy on March 2, 2009 at 10:20pm - When i was pregnant with my 3rd my daughter then 4 would say that I had a baby in my belly and she had a crocodile in her belly. This continued through entire pregnancy and she told everyone! So i found a med sized beanie baby crocodile which i gave to her the day he sister was born. She was very excited that the baby was out of my belly and she had her crocodile baby to take home from the hospital too!
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Comment by Kimberley Clayton Blaine on March 2, 2009 at 1:25pm
- Love the stories, thank you so much for sharing Have Baby Will Travel!
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Comment by Corinne - Have Baby Will Travel on March 2, 2009 at 1:10pm - We found out the sex of our baby-on-the-way, and decided to tell our daughter (3yrs) - which turned out to be a good thing. She cried for a solid 45min (wanted a baby sister) but now is excited about her baby brother coming - she helped pick the colour for his room and 'helped' paint it too!
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Comment by Kimberley Clayton Blaine on March 2, 2009 at 9:23am
- Dawn, that is great to know, how sweet is that. Thank you so much for informing us - wish we had that at our hospital! Yes, the sibling wars begin...Ouch.
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Comment by DAWN on March 2, 2009 at 9:03am - Just to add my 2 cents--check with the hospital where you are giving birth-they may have a I'm going to be a big brother/sister class--we took my daughter to this class and she loved it--she look so forward to having a little brother---now only if that feeling would have lasted :(
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