How do you stop stealing?
My biggest pet peeves in life are stealing and lying. I can't stand them. Those two traits bring out the worst in me. That being said I have two boys. My oldest is a 5 year old with autism - he's high functioning but cannot answer basic questions about himself or his family that a 5 year old without autism could answer easily. My youngest is a 19 month old toddler. I love them both dearly and would do anything for them!
Lately my 5 year old (Roman) is insisting on stealing and lying. I am near the end of my patience. I am at the point where I do not trust him and I search his hiding spots every single day. My husband asks him if he has stolen something and we wait for the answer. We have been punishing him more if he lies in conjunction with the theft. Since this has been going on for a couple of months I'm beginning to wonder if it is becoming a compulsion. Yes, I know children without autism don't develop compulsions or obsessions easily, but with autistic children their brains work a little differently. That is why a lot of autistic children will only look or play with parts of toys. My son will watch just the wheels on a car/truck turn as he pushes it around. Non autistic children play with the entire toy and don't focus on one thing. It is a subtle difference, but one we've learned the hard way can make a new compulsion with Roman.
How do we get him to stop? I want to yell, spank, throw everything of his away, and then make him give back what he stole. The problem with that is his brain doesn't work like mine or a child without autism. He doesn't get it. How do I teach him morality and ethics when I can't even get him to comprehend empathy? For example, a few weeks ago my husband's bicycle that he rides to and from work everyday was stolen out of our basement. Roman laughed and wanted to see where the bike went. I explained to him it was gone and that someone else stole it. I told him because someone else took something that did not belong to him Daddy no longer had a bike and wouldn't get to enjoy it anymore. Plus, my husband had the connections for the bike trailer and tandem bike we can't go for rides either. Even when he asks to go for a ride and I explain we can't because someone stole Daddy's bike Roman doesn't understand the consequences of stealing.
What does Roman steal? Everything. He takes my socks from my drawer, candy from the cupboards, scissors for the rack, paper from the printer or the bookshelf, diapers from Liam's room, or anything else he can pilfer. He hoards this stuff along with his stuff in his play room, in his dresser, in his closet, or under his bed. I am not worried about the "value" of the items he takes, it is the act itself. He is 5. Right now he does not discriminate how much money something is, but what happens when he is older? If he can't learn stealing is wrong, when he's older he steal. He'll be the guy that goes into someone's basement and takes a bicycle (or worse). Am I paranoid? Yes. Am I over reacting? Maybe. I truly believe that if children don't learn this basic core values when they are young they never learn them. I really believe that is the major factor contributing to the moral decline and rise in crimes that we see today. Children don't learn any better. I don't want my son to be that person when he grows up.
Lying. I can't stand it. What is worse than stealing? Lying. If you steal from me and I confront you, I will be more likely to forgive and even be empathetic if you tell me the truth. I can hold a grudge forever. Case in point, I had a cousin that stole and lied to me when we were children and I've never forgiven her. Petty? Probably. I would have readily forgiven her had she told the truth. Do I care anymore about that incident? No. I don't care anymore. I just don't trust her or anything she says. Since then, I've caught her in many lies. I just don't listen anymore. It probably makes me a bad person, but I can sleep at night. Why? Because I live by my morals and ethics. Mine are not the same as others and I can accept that.
How do you teach a child that lying is bad? I believe in modeling behaviors, positive re-enforcement, and attachment parenting. None of these things help with teaching Roman that lying is wrong. Yes, he's 5. I challenge you to find a 5 year old that ALWAYS tells the truth and nothing but the truth and you'll see a child that exaggerates sometimes. Luckily, the lying is primarily confined to Roman's stealing. However, the last week has seen an increase. He will say that we've forgotten to give him his vitamin or we've forgotten his medicine. The latter is this most troubling. He has one medicine that he ONLY gets in the morning. The problem is it tastes like peppermint so he likes it. His other medicine he gets twice a day, but it tastes like nothing. His peppermint medicine is an anti-psychotic so it is important to give only the proper dose at the proper time everyday.
Please no lectures on medicating children. My husband and I have already decided that medication was the most appropriate therapy for Roman. You cannot even imagine the change in him since he has been on the medication. That is a whole different blog.
Whew, I think I am done venting and it is time to get my wrinkled Roman out of the bath and ready for bed.
Lately my 5 year old (Roman) is insisting on stealing and lying. I am near the end of my patience. I am at the point where I do not trust him and I search his hiding spots every single day. My husband asks him if he has stolen something and we wait for the answer. We have been punishing him more if he lies in conjunction with the theft. Since this has been going on for a couple of months I'm beginning to wonder if it is becoming a compulsion. Yes, I know children without autism don't develop compulsions or obsessions easily, but with autistic children their brains work a little differently. That is why a lot of autistic children will only look or play with parts of toys. My son will watch just the wheels on a car/truck turn as he pushes it around. Non autistic children play with the entire toy and don't focus on one thing. It is a subtle difference, but one we've learned the hard way can make a new compulsion with Roman.
How do we get him to stop? I want to yell, spank, throw everything of his away, and then make him give back what he stole. The problem with that is his brain doesn't work like mine or a child without autism. He doesn't get it. How do I teach him morality and ethics when I can't even get him to comprehend empathy? For example, a few weeks ago my husband's bicycle that he rides to and from work everyday was stolen out of our basement. Roman laughed and wanted to see where the bike went. I explained to him it was gone and that someone else stole it. I told him because someone else took something that did not belong to him Daddy no longer had a bike and wouldn't get to enjoy it anymore. Plus, my husband had the connections for the bike trailer and tandem bike we can't go for rides either. Even when he asks to go for a ride and I explain we can't because someone stole Daddy's bike Roman doesn't understand the consequences of stealing.
What does Roman steal? Everything. He takes my socks from my drawer, candy from the cupboards, scissors for the rack, paper from the printer or the bookshelf, diapers from Liam's room, or anything else he can pilfer. He hoards this stuff along with his stuff in his play room, in his dresser, in his closet, or under his bed. I am not worried about the "value" of the items he takes, it is the act itself. He is 5. Right now he does not discriminate how much money something is, but what happens when he is older? If he can't learn stealing is wrong, when he's older he steal. He'll be the guy that goes into someone's basement and takes a bicycle (or worse). Am I paranoid? Yes. Am I over reacting? Maybe. I truly believe that if children don't learn this basic core values when they are young they never learn them. I really believe that is the major factor contributing to the moral decline and rise in crimes that we see today. Children don't learn any better. I don't want my son to be that person when he grows up.
Lying. I can't stand it. What is worse than stealing? Lying. If you steal from me and I confront you, I will be more likely to forgive and even be empathetic if you tell me the truth. I can hold a grudge forever. Case in point, I had a cousin that stole and lied to me when we were children and I've never forgiven her. Petty? Probably. I would have readily forgiven her had she told the truth. Do I care anymore about that incident? No. I don't care anymore. I just don't trust her or anything she says. Since then, I've caught her in many lies. I just don't listen anymore. It probably makes me a bad person, but I can sleep at night. Why? Because I live by my morals and ethics. Mine are not the same as others and I can accept that.
How do you teach a child that lying is bad? I believe in modeling behaviors, positive re-enforcement, and attachment parenting. None of these things help with teaching Roman that lying is wrong. Yes, he's 5. I challenge you to find a 5 year old that ALWAYS tells the truth and nothing but the truth and you'll see a child that exaggerates sometimes. Luckily, the lying is primarily confined to Roman's stealing. However, the last week has seen an increase. He will say that we've forgotten to give him his vitamin or we've forgotten his medicine. The latter is this most troubling. He has one medicine that he ONLY gets in the morning. The problem is it tastes like peppermint so he likes it. His other medicine he gets twice a day, but it tastes like nothing. His peppermint medicine is an anti-psychotic so it is important to give only the proper dose at the proper time everyday.
Please no lectures on medicating children. My husband and I have already decided that medication was the most appropriate therapy for Roman. You cannot even imagine the change in him since he has been on the medication. That is a whole different blog.
Whew, I think I am done venting and it is time to get my wrinkled Roman out of the bath and ready for bed.
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