How Can Any Sane Person Make a “Lifelong” Commitment?

Everybody knows people change. People change when they age, when they meet new people, when they experience new things. We change the most in our 20s. Remember when you were 21, 25 and 29? Wasn’t there a huge difference in how you perceived yourself and the world around you, wasn’t there a difference in where you worked, who you were friends with and what your priorities in life were? Now think of your 30s, 40s, 50s. You will be a different person shaped by your life experiences. Maybe your spouse will change and grow at the same pace and in the same direction as you, and you will still be each others best friend. But chances are you will grow apart. Then what? How can you make a lifetime commitment to a person, if 5, 10, 20 years later, neither you nor your husband will be the same people anymore?

Consider that most people are still getting married in their 20s, when they don’t even know who they will become in just a couple of years!

Imagine a lifelong commitment to a job, or a house. “That is ridiculous,” you will say. “I don’t know what my needs or interests will be in the future.” You might stay in the same job all your life, but you are not going to commit, because you want to have a choice to leave if you are not happy. Why should marriage be different?

What is the reason for this “till death do us apart” commitment anyway? If two people truly loved each other, would they need a piece of paper and a blessing from a priest to be together?

I think people’s “formal” commitments are just a farce. I believe the only true commitment someone can make is in the heart. You make that commitment every morning when you wake up and look at your significant other. At that moment you know that you are together because you want to be, and not because you signed a piece of paper many years ago. Every day you consciously make that choice.

Please tell me that I am wrong. I would love to hear your stories of true love and long and happy marriage.