Life Is A Roller Coaster
It really has been a bit of a roller coaster the past week hasn't it. I think I've gone through every single emotion possible. Some extreme lows, some a bit in the middle, at the weekend I had a few highs, then a slight drop, and now I'm sort of OK. I think last Monday was probably the lowest moment I have ever had in my life. But after some very positive messages and some good advice I picked myself back up again. And the good old medicine of Smirnoff helped a lot over the weekend. So I suppose you're all wondering what I got up to on my weekend away, after all, they are always eventful aren't they. And by god this one was!
Are we sitting comfortably. Then I'll begin.
I sort of gave you some misleading information there via Twitter. Well no it wasn't misleading, it was just how things stood at the time. Oh dear, we should all know by now that nothing ever runs smoothly in my life!
Friday night. As soon as I arrived I quite literally ran to the pub. I was seriously in need of a good drink by then. I hadn't even arranged to meet anyone as BFF was also on her way back from holiday that night but I needn't have worried as the local pub at home is more of a communal meeting point and you are guaranteed to find someone in there. As always the usual suspects of friends where there. Nothing really eventful about the night. Mass conversation was had with the entire pub about the case and what had happened. I was given numerous drinks to cheer me up. And yep, it worked. I felt so much better being back on home turf and being with people that wanted to do everything they could to help and the first thing they wanted to do was cheer me up.
Saturday night. Oh now it gets eventful. BFF was back off holiday, thank god, so I had her to fall back on all day. We headed out early on a mission. Pub was full of the usual suspects, including my fan club. No, this isn't me getting a big head here BTW. There are one or two of the usual suspects that have made it quite clear that they have a bit of a thing for me. One in particular is becoming a bit cringe worthy. We'll call him The Unsuitable One. Now it's not that he's unsuitable, it's just that, well, no. Not only not my type at all in any way shape or form, but the cringe worthy behaviour is becoming, well, cringe worthy. He's like a lost puppy following me round. Now, ever such a nice bloke, in a very non sexual way, but well I'm think you're kind of guessing now that I simply would never, ever, ever, entertain him at all. The other one is a friend that has been one of my drinking buddies for a bit now. Probably in the category of the older brothers I've told you about before (as in not my actual brother but looks out for me and all that sort of stuff) but he's not older, he's younger. I'll name him for you later, for reasons that will become obvious. BFF has been saying for a while that he had a thing for me. I wasn't convinced as he'd never made a move or said anything that made me think that way, unlike The Unsuitable One.
Right, so there I am sat with BFF, a few other friends and the fan club also come over to join us. Then guess who showed up. Yep, Paddy! He didn't come over at first but did say hello. I could see him looking over, a lot. Eventually he came over to join us. Plonked himself down next to me. I was surrounded! Fan club right and centre and Paddy to the left. BFF was nearly on the floor laughing. Paddy was very chatty and we was getting on great. So last orders comes and goes and the one I haven't named yet asks if we want to go round to his for a few more drinks. Yep. So he goes to get some more drink and plonks a bag of drink in front of me and nips off to the toilet. Suddenly Paddy and The Unsuitable One also say they are coming and also buy more drink. This is where it gets confusing. The one I haven't named vanishes. Can't find him anywhere and not answering phone. So The Unsuitable One says we can go round to his. Feck it I thought, I'll be safe enough with Paddy there as well.
Cut out the boring conversation stuff, it became obvious that Paddy was flirting - BIG TIME!! Way hey I'm in there I thought. And bloody nora I was!!!!!!! I won't go into the details, you can make them up yourselves, but as soon as The Unsuitable One left the room we quite literally pounced on each other. In my defense I will say that it has been a while (remember the no sex thing during the four man plan) and I think I needed a bit of relief.
We walked home in the morning after having to escape from The Unsuitable Ones house. Was actually quite funny. We'd sort of invaded his spare room (not very polite I know) and somehow ended up locked in the house. After nearly ransacking the place we found a key, got out the back door and had to hop over the garden fence. Not pretty in high heels. During the walk home we had a bit of a heart to heart. Turns out he's a man with a few secrets. No, bog off, I'm not sharing them with you. Lets just say I got a better insight into Paddy and told him that he should have told me before as my god, if anyone knows about it, I sure do!
During the night out we'd all been talking about going out again on Sunday as I was leaving again on the Monday and some of the friends had taken the day off work so we could have a good night together. Paddy had been saying all night he was going to come with us. On the walk home he said he'd ring me later to find out what time we was heading out at.
Guess what, the call never came. But you know what, I sort of had a feeling it might not. Paddy is a man with issues.
Sunday night. Well hold on to your hats people, because now it gets really interesting. I went out early as I was fed up of sitting in the house waiting for a call to come that I knew wasn't going to come. I took small child with me as she's always saying she wants to go out with Mammy and her friends, so I figured I'd take her early for an hour, she'd feel all grown up and be delighted with herself. I have to say, small child really is a mini me. She walks in, knows everyone, has everyone running round after her making sure she has enough juice and crisps. Very cute really. Few of the usual suspects where there already, including the one I haven't named yet. He was very cagey about where he had vanished to the night before and just kept saying he'd gone home. I thought it was odd that he'd buy all that drink and then vanish, especially knowing that I had his drink (it was hardly in safe hands was it!). But no, he just kept saying he'd gone home, but then spent more time playing with small child on her DS.
Another friend arrived who'd I told about Paddy the night before, and I was doing well dodging the questions I'd been asked about what had happened. It was grown up conversation time so small child was hurried home. The female friend there text Paddy to ask him if he was coming out. He gave her a few bullshit excuses and she ended up having a bit of a go at him saying that I was the wrong person to treat like that and that if he wasn't interested in me then he shouldn't have made a move and being messed around was the last thing I needed right now (go girl!!). He said that he felt bad but it was all a situation he couldn't get into, bla bla bla. Like I said, Paddy is a man with issues. And lets face it, that is so not what I need at all. I wasn't even disappointed or anything like that. Even in my heavily Smirnoffed mind I could think clearly enough to think, nope, don't even consider dwelling on it, absolutely not what I need right now. Plus, everyone knew what was going on with me and how bad it was. Anyone with half a brain or ounce of sensitivity would know to treat me with kid gloves at the moment. Paddy not only has issues, I think he's a bit of an idiot as well. Therefore he will never regain the title of The Nice One.
But before you start thinking that the night was over there. Think again. At last orders it was only just beginning. Another friend arrived in from working to collect the lads to go for food. It's the usual Sunday ritual, so off we went. Heading back from food and the one I haven't named asks if we are going into his for a bit. I'm out the car and heading up the drive way before I realise that it's only me and the unnamed one. So we goes in, finishes off the food and have a glass of wine. Half way through the glass of wine the unnamed one tells me something.
OK, no Eastenders dum dums, I'm not going to leave you hanging there.
He tells me why he'd vanished the night before. He was fuming. Why? Because he said he'd been absolutely gutted when he found out what had happened to me last week, because................... he really, as in really, likes me! He wanted me home for good not just for the weekend. The night before he'd made his mind up that he was going to tell me how he felt and had told the others that he needed to speak to me on my own. He was so annoyed that the other two had invited themselves along that he just left without saying anything. He was also annoyed that one of those people was Paddy given that he also knew about the previous there and thought that he'd been a bit of a dickhead with me in the past.
Let me just tell you something about him now. He's a blokes bloke. There is no bullshit about him at all and what you see is what you get. He is one person I have always said does not have an ounce of badness in him and a heart of gold. Now he can be a bit of a village idiot at times, in a good way that is, always guaranteed a good laugh with him about, that sort of thing. Not an idiot as in a dickhead. I've always thought he was a lovely bloke, not my usual type of bloke, as in I like my lookers, but then again he isn't bad looking either. I'd just never looked at him in that way. Well, I thought I'd never looked at him in that way. Until he started telling me how he felt about me.
Being a blokes bloke like he is I would never of expected him to come out with the really, really sweet things he did. He said that he didn't like women that are all pretentious and that he'd liked me for ages because I was just normal, down to earth, called a spade a spade, no bullshit and whenever I was about he felt that we got on great and always had a really good laugh together.
He was right. As he was saying it I was thinking, yes he was right. We do get on brilliant. When we spend time together I always feel better and really enjoy his company. I actually look forward to seeing him when I go home. And even though I'd just never looked at him in that way before because he didn't tick my usual boxes, perhaps that is where I have been going wrong all this time. My boxes where all wrong. Here was a bloke telling me in no uncertain terms exactly how he felt about me. I knew full well that he was a bloke that would never mess me around, tell me a load of bullshit, lie to me, cheat on me or hurt me in anyway. He is also great with small child and knows all the crap that goes on around me and what the current situation is. And he isn't afraid to get involved.
We kissed.
I felt bad about the night before so told him what had happened. He said he was gutted but it had happened now and was done with and from what I'd told him he said he was happy enough that Paddy wouldn't happen again and he said he'd also enjoy breaking a few hearts now, meaning The Unsuitable One.
We talked for ages, smooched a bit, no sex (thought that might have been slightly inappropriate given the night before as well). It was so comfortable. Nothing awkward or not right about it. I suddenly felt happy, which is something a week ago wouldn't have thought possible.
Eventually I had to leave. He made me promise that I wasn't going to come back over here and run off with an Irish man (hardly likely is it given the circumstances!) and that I had to keep in contact and come back as soon as I could. He told me that he wanted to be with me, he wanted me to go over there as much as I could and he'll come over here as well. Yes, it's not ideal, but it won't be forever. He said that he knew that if anyone could find a way to sort out all this crap then I was the woman to do it and he'd be there every step of the way for me.
Is a relationship what I need right now? In normal circumstances I'd probably say no. But this is a man that I know absolutely 100% will not mess me around, will lift me when I am down and will always be nothing but completely straight with me. And this has been backed up by BFF and a few other friends that I have told who also know him. Maybe the sort of man that is right for me was right under my nose all the time and I was just too superficial to see it.
For my end of the deal I've booked flights to go back again in 2 weeks. My hours in work are going to completely change when I do go back to work (more of that in a sec) so I'll have the time to be going over there more, especially during the school holidays. And when I can get flights for €20 I might as well be there than here. Batman won't like it, but he can go feck off. He won't like it at all as I've also booked to go every 2 weeks until small child goes back to school.
For his end of the deal. He text me as soon as he woke up on Monday and hasn't stopped since. He's delighted that I'm coming back so soon and so much over the next couple of months, so we'll see what happens and take it from there.
But for now, we'll call him Toyboy.
*******************
In other news, and I'll keep this brief as I don't want to put a dampener on the nice post given the levels of depression you all had to endure last week.
I'm going back to work next week but only part time. I'll get to spend more time with small child from now on and get to have loads more trips home. Money will be really, really tight, but I think there are bigger issues at stake here. I'll find the money from somewhere. So if anyone has any ideas of how I can earn a few extra quid then let me know.
High Court appeal has been lodged, although it could be about 6 months before we get a hearing. Well unless Batman gives in first (and pigs might fly!).
There will be a campaign, firstly via the Internet. An online petition to the UK government to take notice, and although they can't intervene, we'll be petitioning them to take notice and express interest to the Irish government. At least if they do that I'll get a fair hearing next time around because they'll know they are being watched. There will also be petitions to the Irish government as well regarding the unfair treatment I received and asking for a review into the matter. I will also be asking UK & Irish readers to write to their local MP's/TD's and MEP's to raise awareness. I will write up a standard letter for that and email it to anyone that wants it. Facebook groups etc will also be set up to raise awareness.
I'll be back to you though in a few days about how that will all be coordinated. But if anyone wants to volunteer to do bits and pieces than all help will be greatly appreciated.
So for now, again, thank you all for your messages and ongoing support. And I am feeling so much better now and far more positive. Onwards and upwards and this Mammy will not be bullied and held down. It's just made me stronger to keep on fighting for justice.
Are we sitting comfortably. Then I'll begin.
I sort of gave you some misleading information there via Twitter. Well no it wasn't misleading, it was just how things stood at the time. Oh dear, we should all know by now that nothing ever runs smoothly in my life!
Friday night. As soon as I arrived I quite literally ran to the pub. I was seriously in need of a good drink by then. I hadn't even arranged to meet anyone as BFF was also on her way back from holiday that night but I needn't have worried as the local pub at home is more of a communal meeting point and you are guaranteed to find someone in there. As always the usual suspects of friends where there. Nothing really eventful about the night. Mass conversation was had with the entire pub about the case and what had happened. I was given numerous drinks to cheer me up. And yep, it worked. I felt so much better being back on home turf and being with people that wanted to do everything they could to help and the first thing they wanted to do was cheer me up.
Saturday night. Oh now it gets eventful. BFF was back off holiday, thank god, so I had her to fall back on all day. We headed out early on a mission. Pub was full of the usual suspects, including my fan club. No, this isn't me getting a big head here BTW. There are one or two of the usual suspects that have made it quite clear that they have a bit of a thing for me. One in particular is becoming a bit cringe worthy. We'll call him The Unsuitable One. Now it's not that he's unsuitable, it's just that, well, no. Not only not my type at all in any way shape or form, but the cringe worthy behaviour is becoming, well, cringe worthy. He's like a lost puppy following me round. Now, ever such a nice bloke, in a very non sexual way, but well I'm think you're kind of guessing now that I simply would never, ever, ever, entertain him at all. The other one is a friend that has been one of my drinking buddies for a bit now. Probably in the category of the older brothers I've told you about before (as in not my actual brother but looks out for me and all that sort of stuff) but he's not older, he's younger. I'll name him for you later, for reasons that will become obvious. BFF has been saying for a while that he had a thing for me. I wasn't convinced as he'd never made a move or said anything that made me think that way, unlike The Unsuitable One.
Right, so there I am sat with BFF, a few other friends and the fan club also come over to join us. Then guess who showed up. Yep, Paddy! He didn't come over at first but did say hello. I could see him looking over, a lot. Eventually he came over to join us. Plonked himself down next to me. I was surrounded! Fan club right and centre and Paddy to the left. BFF was nearly on the floor laughing. Paddy was very chatty and we was getting on great. So last orders comes and goes and the one I haven't named yet asks if we want to go round to his for a few more drinks. Yep. So he goes to get some more drink and plonks a bag of drink in front of me and nips off to the toilet. Suddenly Paddy and The Unsuitable One also say they are coming and also buy more drink. This is where it gets confusing. The one I haven't named vanishes. Can't find him anywhere and not answering phone. So The Unsuitable One says we can go round to his. Feck it I thought, I'll be safe enough with Paddy there as well.
Cut out the boring conversation stuff, it became obvious that Paddy was flirting - BIG TIME!! Way hey I'm in there I thought. And bloody nora I was!!!!!!! I won't go into the details, you can make them up yourselves, but as soon as The Unsuitable One left the room we quite literally pounced on each other. In my defense I will say that it has been a while (remember the no sex thing during the four man plan) and I think I needed a bit of relief.
We walked home in the morning after having to escape from The Unsuitable Ones house. Was actually quite funny. We'd sort of invaded his spare room (not very polite I know) and somehow ended up locked in the house. After nearly ransacking the place we found a key, got out the back door and had to hop over the garden fence. Not pretty in high heels. During the walk home we had a bit of a heart to heart. Turns out he's a man with a few secrets. No, bog off, I'm not sharing them with you. Lets just say I got a better insight into Paddy and told him that he should have told me before as my god, if anyone knows about it, I sure do!
During the night out we'd all been talking about going out again on Sunday as I was leaving again on the Monday and some of the friends had taken the day off work so we could have a good night together. Paddy had been saying all night he was going to come with us. On the walk home he said he'd ring me later to find out what time we was heading out at.
Guess what, the call never came. But you know what, I sort of had a feeling it might not. Paddy is a man with issues.
Sunday night. Well hold on to your hats people, because now it gets really interesting. I went out early as I was fed up of sitting in the house waiting for a call to come that I knew wasn't going to come. I took small child with me as she's always saying she wants to go out with Mammy and her friends, so I figured I'd take her early for an hour, she'd feel all grown up and be delighted with herself. I have to say, small child really is a mini me. She walks in, knows everyone, has everyone running round after her making sure she has enough juice and crisps. Very cute really. Few of the usual suspects where there already, including the one I haven't named yet. He was very cagey about where he had vanished to the night before and just kept saying he'd gone home. I thought it was odd that he'd buy all that drink and then vanish, especially knowing that I had his drink (it was hardly in safe hands was it!). But no, he just kept saying he'd gone home, but then spent more time playing with small child on her DS.
Another friend arrived who'd I told about Paddy the night before, and I was doing well dodging the questions I'd been asked about what had happened. It was grown up conversation time so small child was hurried home. The female friend there text Paddy to ask him if he was coming out. He gave her a few bullshit excuses and she ended up having a bit of a go at him saying that I was the wrong person to treat like that and that if he wasn't interested in me then he shouldn't have made a move and being messed around was the last thing I needed right now (go girl!!). He said that he felt bad but it was all a situation he couldn't get into, bla bla bla. Like I said, Paddy is a man with issues. And lets face it, that is so not what I need at all. I wasn't even disappointed or anything like that. Even in my heavily Smirnoffed mind I could think clearly enough to think, nope, don't even consider dwelling on it, absolutely not what I need right now. Plus, everyone knew what was going on with me and how bad it was. Anyone with half a brain or ounce of sensitivity would know to treat me with kid gloves at the moment. Paddy not only has issues, I think he's a bit of an idiot as well. Therefore he will never regain the title of The Nice One.
But before you start thinking that the night was over there. Think again. At last orders it was only just beginning. Another friend arrived in from working to collect the lads to go for food. It's the usual Sunday ritual, so off we went. Heading back from food and the one I haven't named asks if we are going into his for a bit. I'm out the car and heading up the drive way before I realise that it's only me and the unnamed one. So we goes in, finishes off the food and have a glass of wine. Half way through the glass of wine the unnamed one tells me something.
OK, no Eastenders dum dums, I'm not going to leave you hanging there.
He tells me why he'd vanished the night before. He was fuming. Why? Because he said he'd been absolutely gutted when he found out what had happened to me last week, because................... he really, as in really, likes me! He wanted me home for good not just for the weekend. The night before he'd made his mind up that he was going to tell me how he felt and had told the others that he needed to speak to me on my own. He was so annoyed that the other two had invited themselves along that he just left without saying anything. He was also annoyed that one of those people was Paddy given that he also knew about the previous there and thought that he'd been a bit of a dickhead with me in the past.
Let me just tell you something about him now. He's a blokes bloke. There is no bullshit about him at all and what you see is what you get. He is one person I have always said does not have an ounce of badness in him and a heart of gold. Now he can be a bit of a village idiot at times, in a good way that is, always guaranteed a good laugh with him about, that sort of thing. Not an idiot as in a dickhead. I've always thought he was a lovely bloke, not my usual type of bloke, as in I like my lookers, but then again he isn't bad looking either. I'd just never looked at him in that way. Well, I thought I'd never looked at him in that way. Until he started telling me how he felt about me.
Being a blokes bloke like he is I would never of expected him to come out with the really, really sweet things he did. He said that he didn't like women that are all pretentious and that he'd liked me for ages because I was just normal, down to earth, called a spade a spade, no bullshit and whenever I was about he felt that we got on great and always had a really good laugh together.
He was right. As he was saying it I was thinking, yes he was right. We do get on brilliant. When we spend time together I always feel better and really enjoy his company. I actually look forward to seeing him when I go home. And even though I'd just never looked at him in that way before because he didn't tick my usual boxes, perhaps that is where I have been going wrong all this time. My boxes where all wrong. Here was a bloke telling me in no uncertain terms exactly how he felt about me. I knew full well that he was a bloke that would never mess me around, tell me a load of bullshit, lie to me, cheat on me or hurt me in anyway. He is also great with small child and knows all the crap that goes on around me and what the current situation is. And he isn't afraid to get involved.
We kissed.
I felt bad about the night before so told him what had happened. He said he was gutted but it had happened now and was done with and from what I'd told him he said he was happy enough that Paddy wouldn't happen again and he said he'd also enjoy breaking a few hearts now, meaning The Unsuitable One.
We talked for ages, smooched a bit, no sex (thought that might have been slightly inappropriate given the night before as well). It was so comfortable. Nothing awkward or not right about it. I suddenly felt happy, which is something a week ago wouldn't have thought possible.
Eventually I had to leave. He made me promise that I wasn't going to come back over here and run off with an Irish man (hardly likely is it given the circumstances!) and that I had to keep in contact and come back as soon as I could. He told me that he wanted to be with me, he wanted me to go over there as much as I could and he'll come over here as well. Yes, it's not ideal, but it won't be forever. He said that he knew that if anyone could find a way to sort out all this crap then I was the woman to do it and he'd be there every step of the way for me.
Is a relationship what I need right now? In normal circumstances I'd probably say no. But this is a man that I know absolutely 100% will not mess me around, will lift me when I am down and will always be nothing but completely straight with me. And this has been backed up by BFF and a few other friends that I have told who also know him. Maybe the sort of man that is right for me was right under my nose all the time and I was just too superficial to see it.
For my end of the deal I've booked flights to go back again in 2 weeks. My hours in work are going to completely change when I do go back to work (more of that in a sec) so I'll have the time to be going over there more, especially during the school holidays. And when I can get flights for €20 I might as well be there than here. Batman won't like it, but he can go feck off. He won't like it at all as I've also booked to go every 2 weeks until small child goes back to school.
For his end of the deal. He text me as soon as he woke up on Monday and hasn't stopped since. He's delighted that I'm coming back so soon and so much over the next couple of months, so we'll see what happens and take it from there.
But for now, we'll call him Toyboy.
*******************
In other news, and I'll keep this brief as I don't want to put a dampener on the nice post given the levels of depression you all had to endure last week.
I'm going back to work next week but only part time. I'll get to spend more time with small child from now on and get to have loads more trips home. Money will be really, really tight, but I think there are bigger issues at stake here. I'll find the money from somewhere. So if anyone has any ideas of how I can earn a few extra quid then let me know.
High Court appeal has been lodged, although it could be about 6 months before we get a hearing. Well unless Batman gives in first (and pigs might fly!).
There will be a campaign, firstly via the Internet. An online petition to the UK government to take notice, and although they can't intervene, we'll be petitioning them to take notice and express interest to the Irish government. At least if they do that I'll get a fair hearing next time around because they'll know they are being watched. There will also be petitions to the Irish government as well regarding the unfair treatment I received and asking for a review into the matter. I will also be asking UK & Irish readers to write to their local MP's/TD's and MEP's to raise awareness. I will write up a standard letter for that and email it to anyone that wants it. Facebook groups etc will also be set up to raise awareness.
I'll be back to you though in a few days about how that will all be coordinated. But if anyone wants to volunteer to do bits and pieces than all help will be greatly appreciated.
So for now, again, thank you all for your messages and ongoing support. And I am feeling so much better now and far more positive. Onwards and upwards and this Mammy will not be bullied and held down. It's just made me stronger to keep on fighting for justice.
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