March is Disability Awareness Month
One of the first things that caught my attention when joining twittermoms was a contest about childrent and disabilities. Two of my favorite topics.
The good folks at CVS Caremark (www.cvscaremarkallkidscan.com) are gracious enought to offer a $100 gift certificate to the blogger that generates the most comment about the given topic. I know that will not be me because 1) I'm new here and 2) I'm not of the opinion that what I have to say is interesting enough to comment about. However, the second prize, where 5 bloggers are selected by CVS Caremark and get to choose a nonprofit serving children with disabilities to receive a $1,000 grant from CVS Caremark All Kids Can...well that interests me.
The mission (should we chose to accept it), simply write a post on your blog about how we talk to our kids about disabilities and the importance of inclusion.
I never thought that I would have to talk to my child (Bug) about disabilities and inclusion. It sounds really silly, I know, but I think for good reason. I am the program manager of special recreation for our local park district. I get the honor, on a daily basis, to create programs for those with physical and mental disabilities. In addition to my job, three out of my six siblings have special needs. My twin sisters have fetal alcohol syndrome. Though they don't have any physical impairments they lack in appropriate decision making, are behind in socilization skills, and have learning disabilities. My youngest brother has Type III osteogenesis imperfecta impacted by dwarfism. He is eight years old and can not walk, he uses a wheelchair (or scoots on the floor), and my three year old daughter has surpassed him in size.
I am raising a child surrounded by those with special needs. Why on earth would I ever need to talk to Bug about those with different abilities when she comes in contact with said individuals on a daily basis. Wouldn't it just come naturally?
I assume that's how it was for my parents and I. My parents are both special education teachers as well as previously being Special Olympic coaches. There has never been a time in my life where I don't remember being around those with special needs. I never remember being frightened, feeling awkward, staring, or turning away. If I wasn't like that, why would my daughter be?
Last week my special recreation association was hosting a fundraiser at a local place of business, naturally my family went. We walked in the doors (the husband, our three year old daughter, and myself) and stood by the counter to wait for a table. There were many individuals there that participate in the park programs.
One of the participants was sitting just inside the door waiting for her group home staff to pull up the vehicle. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Bug looking at her, and I knew it was coming. This specific individual was totally blind, and missing one eye, which makes her eyelid concave. After a few minutes the infamous words come out...
"What's WRONG with her eye?!?!?"
The husband was watching Bug inspecting her too and immedately said what any unprepared parent would say "Shhhhhhh! Quit looking!" Which makes Bug feel as if she's done something wrong, makes the girl Bug was refrencing feel awkward (you could see it in her face), and makes everyone standing around cringe a bit.
Bug chimes in "Buy why can't I look, what happened to her?" I look at my husband and violently shake my head "encouraging" him not to say another word. I turn to Bug and plainly say "Her eyes just don't work like yours." I'm not sure if that's going to help or hurt, but at that moment I really didn't have anything else to say. To this, Bug says "I don't like that, it's scary." At this point I think I'm going to vomit. I haven't prepared for this moment...what do I say without making the situation worse?!?!?!?
I tell Bug that sometime things that look different may look scary, but it's not...and I see this girl's head tilt, as if she's waiting to see how I could possibly make this better. I start to wonder the same thing myself. I then aimlessly add that the girl is possibly very nice and I bet it would be OK if we went to say hi. (silently thinking "...or maybe it wouldn't...what do I do...what do I do???") I see the girls face ease up a bit and maybe note a hit of shock, which was much better than the "Here we go again" look that was previously there.
Bug shakes her head and says "I don't like it", to which I say "Well, I don't think that's very nice. What if she said she didn't want to talk to you because you have blonde hair?" The girl kind of giggles (I'm not sure if it's because she's pleased or amused with my answer...or because it would be physically impossible for her to notice my daughter has blonde hair). My daughter is totally shocked "But that's not nice!" I follow up with "You're right...that's not nice. It's not nice not to like you just because you have different color hair than she does...and it's not nice to not like her just because she has different eyes than you."
At that moment our names were called to be seated at our table. While the husband took Bug to our seats I saw a machine full of M&Ms. It happened to be over by where the girl who was blind was sitting. I don't know how she knew I traveled over by her, but she tilted her head in my direction, smiled and said "Thank you" very quietly. I whispered "Your welcome", grabbed the intended handful of M&Ms and headed to the table. (You are about to read the M&M lesson...and if you haven't learned this lesson to share with you kids it's a GREAT one to teach about disabilities, race, and all kinds of things!)
I joined my family at the table, looked at Bug, and said "Is (your uncle) different from you?". She, of course said yes and I asked how. We've automatically taught Bug a lot about her uncle, so it was no suprise that she said "His wee-chair are like my legs". I say "You're right...you get places using your legs, and he gets places using his wheels. What do you think about that?" . Just as I suspected she said "I love his wee-chair, it's cool". I tell her I think it's pretty cool too, then I ask her what if one of her friends didn't like his wee-chair and didn't want to play with him. She tells me that would be sad.
"Yup" I say, "It would be sad! You use legs and he uses his wheels and that is different. It doesn't matter though because you like to play together. What are the same things that you like to do with (your uncle)?". Bug then rattles off a long list including singing, and watching movies, and coloring, and even doing homework (her uncle likes to play school with her). I smile and nod and say "Yup, just because you look different and you look different things doesn't mean you don't like the same things" and I toss the M&Ms onto a napkin. She instantly shouts "Nem-a-Mens!!!!" She reaches for them and I grab her hand and hold them while I say "You're not suppose to have M&Ms before dinner...but you can this one time...but you can't have the red ones" and I make an icky face. She looks totally shocked "But WHY mommy?" I say "Well, the red ones look different and I don't like them".
My daughter is only three and I'm not sure she's going to go down the path I'm trying to show her. I was suprised when she said "You're silly mommy! They look different, but they taste the same!". "Ooooohhh I say" then I bite two different M&Ms in half "You're right! They look different, but on the inside they ARE the same!" She beams as if she's made some fantastic discovery, and I add "Kind of like you and other people...we all look different, but we're all the same!" She has a HUGE smile plastered across her face and says "YUP!"
My parents and siblings joined us for dinner and when my eight year old brother came to the table she said "(her uncle's name), you and me look different, but we taste the same!" The husband and I laugh hysterically...nobody else got it.
I don't know that she REALLY got it, and I'm not sure it will stick with her, but for that night I think we did OK. Not to say that it didn't leave me totally embarassed. I wasn't exactly embarassed about the moment, I was embarassed because I was unprepared. It feels that others come to me asking how they deal with situations like that, and I give try to give them answers, ideas and suggestions. When it comes to my own child though, I was blindsided...and all those good things I know I'm suppose to say seemed to have never exsisted in my tiny brain.
How do I talk to my child about disabilities? I wing it. That is now the advice that I give to others too. There are no set answers. In a few seconds of time you figure out how to teach your child about that given moment in a way they'll understand. Because even if you know all the right things to say...even if you have a child that will never put you as a parent in that situation...the moment will come, and all politically correct things you should say instantly fly from your head...and you wing it.
Jokingly, when I was pregnant I told my husband it was never too soon to talk to our child about drugs, alcohol, and sex. Occasionally I would remind my unborn child that smoking is bad for your health, I'd spout random facts about the harm drinking does to a developing brain, and how sex is something best shared between individuals in a committed relationship. Over time though, I found that it actucally helped a bit (at least thus far) in opening that line of communication in our parent/child relationship. I have never thought it was awkward to discuss how you shouldn't pretend to smoke with a straw, even if the lady driving the other car is doing it, because we've talked about smoking for over three years (the same goes with drinking and sex...yeah, we've already started the where do babies come from). I've always kept it age appropriate (ok, maybe not so appropriate before she was born...but it made the husband giggle a few times) and in a way that I know she'll understand, careful not to give her more information that she can use. I never prepared for the "disabilities talk" though...even when I think I was the person who should have been most prepared.
I think that we have a pretty good base to go from because of her uncle, aunts, and "mommy's friends"...and thank goodness we did or I may have been totally lost! I'm glad I found the link to www.cvscaremarkallkidscan.com. There is some really great information on there about disabilities, and ideas on how to talk with you children about disabilities (no matter what their ability level is). Stuff that I'm bookmarking at my place of work and will be sure to share with others!
One thing I do know is if you're uncomfortable with those of different abilities then that is sure to be picked up by your children. So go to that website for yourself...learn and be aware. Raising your awarness as a parent is the first step in helping to insure you child will be raised with an inclusive attitude when it comes to those with special needs.
The good folks at CVS Caremark (www.cvscaremarkallkidscan.com) are gracious enought to offer a $100 gift certificate to the blogger that generates the most comment about the given topic. I know that will not be me because 1) I'm new here and 2) I'm not of the opinion that what I have to say is interesting enough to comment about. However, the second prize, where 5 bloggers are selected by CVS Caremark and get to choose a nonprofit serving children with disabilities to receive a $1,000 grant from CVS Caremark All Kids Can...well that interests me.
The mission (should we chose to accept it), simply write a post on your blog about how we talk to our kids about disabilities and the importance of inclusion.
I never thought that I would have to talk to my child (Bug) about disabilities and inclusion. It sounds really silly, I know, but I think for good reason. I am the program manager of special recreation for our local park district. I get the honor, on a daily basis, to create programs for those with physical and mental disabilities. In addition to my job, three out of my six siblings have special needs. My twin sisters have fetal alcohol syndrome. Though they don't have any physical impairments they lack in appropriate decision making, are behind in socilization skills, and have learning disabilities. My youngest brother has Type III osteogenesis imperfecta impacted by dwarfism. He is eight years old and can not walk, he uses a wheelchair (or scoots on the floor), and my three year old daughter has surpassed him in size.
I am raising a child surrounded by those with special needs. Why on earth would I ever need to talk to Bug about those with different abilities when she comes in contact with said individuals on a daily basis. Wouldn't it just come naturally?
I assume that's how it was for my parents and I. My parents are both special education teachers as well as previously being Special Olympic coaches. There has never been a time in my life where I don't remember being around those with special needs. I never remember being frightened, feeling awkward, staring, or turning away. If I wasn't like that, why would my daughter be?
Last week my special recreation association was hosting a fundraiser at a local place of business, naturally my family went. We walked in the doors (the husband, our three year old daughter, and myself) and stood by the counter to wait for a table. There were many individuals there that participate in the park programs.
One of the participants was sitting just inside the door waiting for her group home staff to pull up the vehicle. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Bug looking at her, and I knew it was coming. This specific individual was totally blind, and missing one eye, which makes her eyelid concave. After a few minutes the infamous words come out...
"What's WRONG with her eye?!?!?"
The husband was watching Bug inspecting her too and immedately said what any unprepared parent would say "Shhhhhhh! Quit looking!" Which makes Bug feel as if she's done something wrong, makes the girl Bug was refrencing feel awkward (you could see it in her face), and makes everyone standing around cringe a bit.
Bug chimes in "Buy why can't I look, what happened to her?" I look at my husband and violently shake my head "encouraging" him not to say another word. I turn to Bug and plainly say "Her eyes just don't work like yours." I'm not sure if that's going to help or hurt, but at that moment I really didn't have anything else to say. To this, Bug says "I don't like that, it's scary." At this point I think I'm going to vomit. I haven't prepared for this moment...what do I say without making the situation worse?!?!?!?
I tell Bug that sometime things that look different may look scary, but it's not...and I see this girl's head tilt, as if she's waiting to see how I could possibly make this better. I start to wonder the same thing myself. I then aimlessly add that the girl is possibly very nice and I bet it would be OK if we went to say hi. (silently thinking "...or maybe it wouldn't...what do I do...what do I do???") I see the girls face ease up a bit and maybe note a hit of shock, which was much better than the "Here we go again" look that was previously there.
Bug shakes her head and says "I don't like it", to which I say "Well, I don't think that's very nice. What if she said she didn't want to talk to you because you have blonde hair?" The girl kind of giggles (I'm not sure if it's because she's pleased or amused with my answer...or because it would be physically impossible for her to notice my daughter has blonde hair). My daughter is totally shocked "But that's not nice!" I follow up with "You're right...that's not nice. It's not nice not to like you just because you have different color hair than she does...and it's not nice to not like her just because she has different eyes than you."
At that moment our names were called to be seated at our table. While the husband took Bug to our seats I saw a machine full of M&Ms. It happened to be over by where the girl who was blind was sitting. I don't know how she knew I traveled over by her, but she tilted her head in my direction, smiled and said "Thank you" very quietly. I whispered "Your welcome", grabbed the intended handful of M&Ms and headed to the table. (You are about to read the M&M lesson...and if you haven't learned this lesson to share with you kids it's a GREAT one to teach about disabilities, race, and all kinds of things!)
I joined my family at the table, looked at Bug, and said "Is (your uncle) different from you?". She, of course said yes and I asked how. We've automatically taught Bug a lot about her uncle, so it was no suprise that she said "His wee-chair are like my legs". I say "You're right...you get places using your legs, and he gets places using his wheels. What do you think about that?" . Just as I suspected she said "I love his wee-chair, it's cool". I tell her I think it's pretty cool too, then I ask her what if one of her friends didn't like his wee-chair and didn't want to play with him. She tells me that would be sad.
"Yup" I say, "It would be sad! You use legs and he uses his wheels and that is different. It doesn't matter though because you like to play together. What are the same things that you like to do with (your uncle)?". Bug then rattles off a long list including singing, and watching movies, and coloring, and even doing homework (her uncle likes to play school with her). I smile and nod and say "Yup, just because you look different and you look different things doesn't mean you don't like the same things" and I toss the M&Ms onto a napkin. She instantly shouts "Nem-a-Mens!!!!" She reaches for them and I grab her hand and hold them while I say "You're not suppose to have M&Ms before dinner...but you can this one time...but you can't have the red ones" and I make an icky face. She looks totally shocked "But WHY mommy?" I say "Well, the red ones look different and I don't like them".
My daughter is only three and I'm not sure she's going to go down the path I'm trying to show her. I was suprised when she said "You're silly mommy! They look different, but they taste the same!". "Ooooohhh I say" then I bite two different M&Ms in half "You're right! They look different, but on the inside they ARE the same!" She beams as if she's made some fantastic discovery, and I add "Kind of like you and other people...we all look different, but we're all the same!" She has a HUGE smile plastered across her face and says "YUP!"
My parents and siblings joined us for dinner and when my eight year old brother came to the table she said "(her uncle's name), you and me look different, but we taste the same!" The husband and I laugh hysterically...nobody else got it.
I don't know that she REALLY got it, and I'm not sure it will stick with her, but for that night I think we did OK. Not to say that it didn't leave me totally embarassed. I wasn't exactly embarassed about the moment, I was embarassed because I was unprepared. It feels that others come to me asking how they deal with situations like that, and I give try to give them answers, ideas and suggestions. When it comes to my own child though, I was blindsided...and all those good things I know I'm suppose to say seemed to have never exsisted in my tiny brain.
How do I talk to my child about disabilities? I wing it. That is now the advice that I give to others too. There are no set answers. In a few seconds of time you figure out how to teach your child about that given moment in a way they'll understand. Because even if you know all the right things to say...even if you have a child that will never put you as a parent in that situation...the moment will come, and all politically correct things you should say instantly fly from your head...and you wing it.
Jokingly, when I was pregnant I told my husband it was never too soon to talk to our child about drugs, alcohol, and sex. Occasionally I would remind my unborn child that smoking is bad for your health, I'd spout random facts about the harm drinking does to a developing brain, and how sex is something best shared between individuals in a committed relationship. Over time though, I found that it actucally helped a bit (at least thus far) in opening that line of communication in our parent/child relationship. I have never thought it was awkward to discuss how you shouldn't pretend to smoke with a straw, even if the lady driving the other car is doing it, because we've talked about smoking for over three years (the same goes with drinking and sex...yeah, we've already started the where do babies come from). I've always kept it age appropriate (ok, maybe not so appropriate before she was born...but it made the husband giggle a few times) and in a way that I know she'll understand, careful not to give her more information that she can use. I never prepared for the "disabilities talk" though...even when I think I was the person who should have been most prepared.
I think that we have a pretty good base to go from because of her uncle, aunts, and "mommy's friends"...and thank goodness we did or I may have been totally lost! I'm glad I found the link to www.cvscaremarkallkidscan.com. There is some really great information on there about disabilities, and ideas on how to talk with you children about disabilities (no matter what their ability level is). Stuff that I'm bookmarking at my place of work and will be sure to share with others!
One thing I do know is if you're uncomfortable with those of different abilities then that is sure to be picked up by your children. So go to that website for yourself...learn and be aware. Raising your awarness as a parent is the first step in helping to insure you child will be raised with an inclusive attitude when it comes to those with special needs.
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