Michael Phelps: ADHD Parenting Parable

As I readied myself yesterday morning, looking for ESPN to relay griping Super Bowl details, I was sadly shocked to see a picture of Michael Phelps smoking pot from a bong. My thoughts immediately drifted not to Michael’s loss endorsement deals but to his mom. I met her several months ago at a Mom Ambassador event where she relayed her journey to recognize and then manage her son’s ADHD. She talked about his trials with medicine, his struggle in the classroom, and her mission to advocate for him, to help him find something that he would excel at doing. Well, we all know how successful she was!

As I have met parents managing ADHD, I am always struck by the journey we all seem to be taking- each of us in a different place, altered by our experiences, our conversations, the books we’ve read, the professionals we’ve met, the teachers with which we’ve collaborated, the list goes on and on. I don’t always agree with these parents’ opinions, but I usually recognize where they are on the journey and feel empathy for where they are in their voyage through parenthood with ADHD. When I met Debbie Phelps, I admit I was disappointed that she seemed to brag about how Michael had stopped taking medicine at 9. The confidence with which she spoke and the advise she gave about how simply funneling Michael’s energy into swimming had allowed him to overcome ADHD, seemed elitist and oversimplified.

Despite the over simplification, I could not deny she had a very successful son who appeared to have “overcome ADHD.” I could not deny there might be mom-lessons to learn from her experiences. Clearly the level of exercise Michael was getting during his training sessions had been his medication for ADHD- the research supports that. Was exercise not a safer alternative to stimulants? It is natural. I began to think, could I funnel my crew into enough sports to keep them active enough so their brains could create the chemicals needed to offset the speed at which their current neurotransmitters where re-absorbed? With 5 kids, was it feasible? And with co-morbid diagnoses like ODD, could I set up an adequate reward plan to get them regularly training an adequate amount so they could have academic and social success? Could I do all this while still working? Could I afford not to work?

I know this next statement will put me in hot water with all you naturalists out there- who would never but chemicals in their child’s brain- but consider the whole picture before you call me a poor mother. My family still takes stimulant medication (and omega-3 vitamins.) I could not and still cannot figure out how I could be consistent enough with exercise training and still give my kids time to do homework and pursue other activities, like playing a musical instrument or participating in scouts. As the kids put it to me, “Mom we want to do more than just play sports.” When I look at how much self-affirmation my daughter has gained from playing her musical instruments, practicing so hard that she made an elite band- all that time would have to spent being a mediocre (at best) athlete- while her brain might have been stimulant-free, she would have lost opportunities that really give her joy, self-confidence, and success- something that even Debbie Phelps was looking for when she funneled her son into swimming.

So we made this decision as a family to continue our stimulant therapy and I have quietly prayed I made the best decision, knowing that I was giving my children opportunities to develop other aspects of themselves but hoping the potential damage to their long term growth was minimal. This brings us to yesterday morning with Michael Phelps and his bong. I wondered what his mom is saying to him and to herself- I wonder because she is further along this parenting journey and because I question my decisions, and because I know I would have been hugging my swimmer-son while I yelled! Does she feel she is looking at the consequences of her decisions, like we all will eventually…as a mom who cares deeply about my children and their success as human beings, my heart aches for her a bit- because I know she cares so deeply too! I wondered if she has regrets and where are the lessons for the rest of us, who are not famous, who do not have famous sons?

I know as a parent educator, that the use of drugs among kids who take stimulant medication is lower than kids with ADHD, who do not take stimulants. I wonder if lack of training as Michael has toured the world for his endorsement deals has led to a “flair up of his ADHD.” It underlines many points- first, ADHD really is a livelong condition, it’s caused by brain chemistry- it doesn’t simply go away in middle school, high school or even college. Second, ADHD can be successfully managed in a multitude of ways including exercise and/or stimulant medication. And finally, the Phelps story screams that our job as parents is never done. I wonder if Michael’s mom called him yesterday and asked him to come home and talk, regroup? Did she even realize that the impulsive act of taking a hit from that marijuana bong that would potentially jeopardize millions of endorsement deals and his future in swimming might be connected to his ADHD? I hope so. I guess my take away message from this modern day parable is there are many ways to successfully manage ADHD, but never forget it is a livelong commitment to its successful management- something we have to teach to our kids, as well as remember ourselves.