Mommy Wars - No More

As a working professional, I've had a ton of "mommy guilt" and read all the books about the mommy wars between stay-at-home moms and working moms. I've actually experienced first hand the snubs and sheer annoyance with me by some of the stay-at-home mom's at my kids schools when I show up for the party 15 minutes late with the cupcakes I just picked up from Kroger. I'm not really sure why we do this to each other ladies, but then I shy away from attempting to build friendships with them because they just don't understand my need to work.

The truth is, I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother. Always. It was just never an option for me financially. My ex-husband is the definition of lazy so I supported the family while he played golf and watched TV. My wonderful, love of my life husband and I have four kids to raise and I've been successful so I still bring home a larger portion of the pie. The point is that its a choice that I had to make due to a bad first marriage situation and then became successful. I've also been fortunate that my roles have allowed me to work from home whenever my kids need me and for that I am very thankful. I just wish the stay-at-home mom's knew how special and amazing a gift it is and that if I had the choice, without giving up our home, I would absolutely do it.

Motherhood is an irreplaceable role, no matter how we choose to live it and our kids need us just the way we are to help them be who they can be!

So to reach a peace treaty with the women I would love to be more like, I'd like to offer the following quote from G.K. Chesteron in "What's Wrong with the World":

"To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors, and holidays; to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, cakes, and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute."

Mothers - You are all beautiful because God made every woman to be. You are all special to someone, even to children not your own to whom you provide mothering. If you are able to be a stay-at-home mom, take a moment to congratulate that late mom showing up with cupcakes from Kroger. She just stressed out her whole day to be there and wouldn't want to be anywhere else on the planet than in that class supporting her child.

Tags: beautiful, mommy, motherhood, thank, wars, you

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Comment by redschadler on November 4, 2008 at 9:35am: Ladies, thank you for your comments! First, I do have a couple of girlfriends who are stay at home mom's and I know how busy they are. I appreciate the challenges and as I said, would love to share them. I have been directly, verbally snubbed by room moms at the elementary school and it still shocks me whenever it happens. "Well if you knew you would be late from work why did you bother signing up to help?" (of course I didn't try to be late, that was just silly). The entire point of my blog post is that we do this to each other (working vs non) and it shouldn't make any difference whether we work outside the home or not. We're all mom's and we have the most important job on earth no matter what our choices are. Every family is different. Every child is different. No one else has exactly the same situation than I do so we all need to be a bit more understanding and tolerant of the choices we have to make. Great discussion! I guess I didn't realize the comments back would be negative because my sole intention was to extend an olive branch. :)

Comment by Kristine on November 3, 2008 at 9:52pm: Interesting post, the title caught my interest, Are you sure the SAHM are "snubbing" you or maybe that's just what you sense because you feel guilty about working? I've been a working mom by choice, I don't have to work, I choose to. I interact with moms that are sahm's and I know I am a bit of an outsider, its to be expected, they all spend more time together. But I have never felt there was a "mommy war" going on. Or maybe I just don't care enough about what they think!! Being a mom is a tough job no matter what our circumstances are. I respect any mom that comes to the class party, early, late with or without the cupcakes or not at all because we all have our own battles and choices to make. Being a mom is the hardest job I know!

Comment by Lisa Survillas on November 3, 2008 at 7:59pm: While I understand your side completely. Know from a stay-at-home moms stance that I get tired of working women treating me like I am so dumb that the only thing I am capable of doing is cleaning and driving kids around. I CHOSE the same way you did to make some sacrafices for the moments I knew I couldn't get back if I was at work. I think that working moms too made a choice. And just because it's different than mine, you still do have a lot to do to be a mom and a career woman. However, making us feel like idiots because we don't have paying jobs is also frustrating. I have spent the last 3 years juggling PTO president, full time school, coaching baseball, 2 to 3 nights of dance a week all while my hubby works and coaches. I am able to support the whole families needs while losing 40 pounds, keeping it off, and getting a college degree. I am not so dumb that I couldn't get a job...I chose to turn down a job. We all make choices. AND I AGREE we should be nicer to each other, but there is another side of your story and us stay-at-home moms have a burden to bear too!