Slim for life diet day 2
I recently had a startling realization. I am sort of fat. I have one full length mirror in my house and it's what my friend Gretchen calls "the Barbara Walters mirror." My condo was built in the 1920's and the mirror is faded and gives you this soft watery reflection, kinda like Barbara's soft lighting. I had two distinct incidents which let me know that I am fat.
Me vs the Mirrors in Old Navy
I was at Old Navy buying Alena some back-to-school clothes. Oh by the way, Old Navy has these really cool carts that are strollers. Pretty cool. I noticed that there were $5 t-shirts on sale for me. And who couldn't use a $5 tee? I was looking at the table of t-shirts wondering how the shirts fit. I have been burned by Old Navy in the past. The shapes and sizes of the clothes are funky. Not sure who they make them for, but the clothes all seem to be long and narrow...sort of the like the talking mannequins in the commercials. While I am tempted to put the shirt on over my clothes to see if it fits, I look over to see Alena riding the little mannequin Old Navy dog.
Me: Alena, please get off the dog.
Alena: Why?
Me: Because it's not there for you to ride like a pony.
Alena: What's it for?
Me: Just come here right NOW.
I start walking to the dressing room and on my way I find a cute black peasant skirt for $10. Who couldn't use a skirt for $10 bucks? We file into the dressing room and I start undressing. The lighting is horrible and the mirrors, the mirrors are evil. I turn around to look at my butt and I am horrified. The only good thing about this shopping trip it that I didn't spend much money. So I pushed this incident out of my mind because everyone knows Old Navy clothes just suck, it's not me. Ask anyone but the seventeen year olds who shop there.
Me vs The Trainer
It was a bright sunny Saturday morning and I am at the gym. There is a cute personal trainer sitting behind a table with a big sign that says "ASK THE TRAINER." I figure I want to know how I can work out four to five times a week and still be too fat to buy clothes at Old Navy. Clearly I am doing something wrong. So we are having a nice little chat about the merits of free weights verses the machines. He kindly suggests that I maybe take a class or two to really push me. I like school, but I hate exercise classes. I really do. My eyes then fix on a sign that says "FREE FAT TEST."
ME: You do free fat tests?
TRAINER: Yeah sure.
He picks out the little clamper thingy and starts pulling at my arm, stomach and thigh fat. I feel like a hiefer for sale at the state fair. He's pinching and pulling me and writing down numbers. He does this twice just to be sure. I am really getting a bad feeling about this. Denial is just so much more satisfying and easier on the psyche. He goes back to his lap top and punches in the numbers.
TRAINER: Okay, you are at 33.3 for body fat. For someone your height you should be at 26. No, make that 25.
ME: That doesn't sound so bad. 33. (In my mind I am thinking I am a healthy goddess as I stand up to go workout)
TRAINER: Wait a minute, let's see what that is in pounds. (He punches in more numbers).
ME: In pounds? GULP
TRAINER: 33.3 equals 50 pounds of body fat.
ME: Whaaaat??? 50 pounds?
TRAINER: To get a sense of that go pick up a 50 pound weight.
ME: Um, yeah, I think I have a sense of what 50 pounds is. Thanks for the suggestion though.
He then sympathetically hands me his card and tells me that I can get a deal on training sessions. I walk away feeling like I am a mammoth beluga whale walking around in gym shorts with an iPod stuck in my ears.
So it's time to do something. I am addicted to this show on BBC America, You Are What You Eat. This holistic nutritionist Gillian Mc Keith MD inspects peoples tongues, the bottoms of their feet and their poo. I bet you didn't know that your poo says a lot about you, especially if you are healthy. Most of the clients she works with are over 200 pounds and their diet habits are, well, pretty bad. One man would eat Shepherd's Pie in the middle of the night and she got him to lose 40 pounds eating Mung beans. So I figure if the man who can balance a Shepherd's pie on his stomach can change his lifestyle and eating habits, so can I.
So I (and my hubby too) am on day two of the Slim For Life diet. The tag line is "Step by step, day by day, I will make it easy for you." I had warm water with lemon and a banana/peach/rice milk/mango smoothie for breakfast. It is a 28 day plan. I am going to write about it every so often. I hope that you will all keep me honest and on track.
For complete blog go to
Me vs the Mirrors in Old Navy
I was at Old Navy buying Alena some back-to-school clothes. Oh by the way, Old Navy has these really cool carts that are strollers. Pretty cool. I noticed that there were $5 t-shirts on sale for me. And who couldn't use a $5 tee? I was looking at the table of t-shirts wondering how the shirts fit. I have been burned by Old Navy in the past. The shapes and sizes of the clothes are funky. Not sure who they make them for, but the clothes all seem to be long and narrow...sort of the like the talking mannequins in the commercials. While I am tempted to put the shirt on over my clothes to see if it fits, I look over to see Alena riding the little mannequin Old Navy dog.
Me: Alena, please get off the dog.
Alena: Why?
Me: Because it's not there for you to ride like a pony.
Alena: What's it for?
Me: Just come here right NOW.
I start walking to the dressing room and on my way I find a cute black peasant skirt for $10. Who couldn't use a skirt for $10 bucks? We file into the dressing room and I start undressing. The lighting is horrible and the mirrors, the mirrors are evil. I turn around to look at my butt and I am horrified. The only good thing about this shopping trip it that I didn't spend much money. So I pushed this incident out of my mind because everyone knows Old Navy clothes just suck, it's not me. Ask anyone but the seventeen year olds who shop there.
Me vs The Trainer
It was a bright sunny Saturday morning and I am at the gym. There is a cute personal trainer sitting behind a table with a big sign that says "ASK THE TRAINER." I figure I want to know how I can work out four to five times a week and still be too fat to buy clothes at Old Navy. Clearly I am doing something wrong. So we are having a nice little chat about the merits of free weights verses the machines. He kindly suggests that I maybe take a class or two to really push me. I like school, but I hate exercise classes. I really do. My eyes then fix on a sign that says "FREE FAT TEST."
ME: You do free fat tests?
TRAINER: Yeah sure.
He picks out the little clamper thingy and starts pulling at my arm, stomach and thigh fat. I feel like a hiefer for sale at the state fair. He's pinching and pulling me and writing down numbers. He does this twice just to be sure. I am really getting a bad feeling about this. Denial is just so much more satisfying and easier on the psyche. He goes back to his lap top and punches in the numbers.
TRAINER: Okay, you are at 33.3 for body fat. For someone your height you should be at 26. No, make that 25.
ME: That doesn't sound so bad. 33. (In my mind I am thinking I am a healthy goddess as I stand up to go workout)
TRAINER: Wait a minute, let's see what that is in pounds. (He punches in more numbers).
ME: In pounds? GULP
TRAINER: 33.3 equals 50 pounds of body fat.
ME: Whaaaat??? 50 pounds?
TRAINER: To get a sense of that go pick up a 50 pound weight.
ME: Um, yeah, I think I have a sense of what 50 pounds is. Thanks for the suggestion though.
He then sympathetically hands me his card and tells me that I can get a deal on training sessions. I walk away feeling like I am a mammoth beluga whale walking around in gym shorts with an iPod stuck in my ears.
So it's time to do something. I am addicted to this show on BBC America, You Are What You Eat. This holistic nutritionist Gillian Mc Keith MD inspects peoples tongues, the bottoms of their feet and their poo. I bet you didn't know that your poo says a lot about you, especially if you are healthy. Most of the clients she works with are over 200 pounds and their diet habits are, well, pretty bad. One man would eat Shepherd's Pie in the middle of the night and she got him to lose 40 pounds eating Mung beans. So I figure if the man who can balance a Shepherd's pie on his stomach can change his lifestyle and eating habits, so can I.
So I (and my hubby too) am on day two of the Slim For Life diet. The tag line is "Step by step, day by day, I will make it easy for you." I had warm water with lemon and a banana/peach/rice milk/mango smoothie for breakfast. It is a 28 day plan. I am going to write about it every so often. I hope that you will all keep me honest and on track.
For complete blog go to
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