Your Children Are As You Tell Them

Often I reflect on who my children are becoming and what influences them. Yesterday, we were bringing in heavy items from my car and our eight year old hefted a chair and said "This is why I'm an athlete mom." Allie is athletic but what struck me is how she incorporates what I tell her about herself into her view of herself or her self-concept.

All her life I have told her:

You are smart.
You are an athlete.
You are kind.
You are funny.
You are compassionate.

These are characteristics I see in her. But most importantly, this is how she is beginning to see herself. The development of one's self-concept begins at home. It starts with what a parent says to her children. You introduce kernels of belief to your children by how you view them and what you say about that. So we need to monitor what we say. We need to be mindful that how we see our children impacts how they see themselves.

What if we tell our children:

You are a so picky.
You are gaining weight.
You are so angry.
You are so intense.

While that might be factual. These viewpoints need to be softened or not said at all. Because your children become who you say they are. What do you tell your children about themselves? How does what you say and do impact how your children see themselves?

Tags: children, moms, parenting, self-concept, tmfc

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Comment by Lea Curtes-Swenson on July 25, 2009 at 8:54am: Such a great reminder, Lynne. Another wonderful post helping us moms to see the forest for the trees! I love your perspective.

Comment by Feyza DEMIRTAS on July 25, 2009 at 2:57am: Thanks for , really powerfull words

Comment by Mary Lutz on July 23, 2009 at 6:55am: This is a GREAT post! It is so true that what we say to our children shapes and forms them into the person they become as they grow. My oldest daughter has 2 sons, ages 10 months and 2 & 1/2. My daughter is a neat freak and it's rubbing off on the 2&1/2 year old. He says things like "that's messy" and "look at that mess". While its cute now, I'm sure he'll grow up to be a neat freak just like his mom.

This is why it's also important to talk about ourselves in a positive manner in front of our children. If we are always saying "I'm fat" or "that was stupid" or "I'm an idiot" our children will pick up on that and begin to think that way about themselves as well.

There is power in the tongue, positive and negative, so let's all try to be positive, especially around those precious little ones.

Comment by Michelina Hall on July 22, 2009 at 8:01pm: This is so true but as much as we try we still end up saying something negative sometimes, so we just need to strive to say many positive things to push the negative ones away from their thoughts.

Having something written for them to read now and in the future, can help too.

This is why I am creating a little book for my child that I'll give him for his 5th birthday.

It has pictures of him and thoughts about all the things that he CAN do.

Comment by Dawn on July 19, 2009 at 4:23am: Powerful, Powerful Words!

Comment by The Triumphant Child on July 18, 2009 at 9:51pm: This is so true. Positive comments are such a wonderful gift to our children.

Comment by Nina on July 18, 2009 at 7:17pm: I really appreciate this post. Thank you for sharing.

Comment by Lynne Kenney on July 18, 2009 at 6:02pm: You won't believe this, it's almost too long a story to tell but in a a nutshell a beautiful wonderful mom about age 40 died last week of an aneurism at her work. Today, at a distance, I met her young adult daughters in the room where their mom died.

When I came home my family had melted down, they needed some tenderness and structure. I was so calm and full of love and appreciation. I felt like the mom I never met and her daughters had given me a dose of love to come home and share. Who knows why things happen, I just feel I have a duty to send that mom's love forward.

Comment by Michelle Lee on July 18, 2009 at 5:08pm: I agree with you 100%. I grew up hearing mostly negative remarks even though I know my mother loved me I struggled with my own view of myself. I try to watch what I say to my children all the time and keep instilling in them how wonderful they are and how blessed I am to have them.

Excellent reminder!

Comment by Angela Moore on July 16, 2009 at 11:26am: Wonderful post! I completely agree with what you are saying. This is so true and I catch myself at times starting to say the wrong thing. What a great reminder.